A predicament ...

[schist]

So I was meant to be meeting this girl I've been friends with for years, but never had a chance to catch up with, for coffee last Friday. We originally scheduled it for midday, but she had a training thing at work so she asked to reschedule it for later on in the day or some other time. So we settled on 5:30pm that same day.

When I got there, I rang her but she was in the toilet, and she said (well, her housemate said) that she'd call back. 30 mins later, and still nothing, so I ring her to ask if she's on her way. She says that her parents had come over to visit and she didn't know how long they'd be, and said that I was welcome to come over to her place. Because I had other things planned, I declined, but texted later on to reschedule for this Friday.

At this point, I'd noticed that she was posting FB status updates about how she misses some other guy (whom she'd worked with up north) and wanted him to come home. So yesterday, I texted to cancel this Friday, claiming that I was "busy". I figured that I'd take control of the situation, and if she wanted to see me, she'd have to work for it.

My original plan was for us to meet up just as friends for the first catch-up, then organize subsequent coffee/lunch/whatever dates if all went successfully in the hopes of gradually developing a romantic atmosphere/feelings between us.

Now here's the tricky part - if I touch her/put my arm around her when talking to her, she almost always reciprocates, and she once said that I was sexy (well more accurately, she commented on an FB photo of me as being "sexxxy"), so going by this I imagined I'd have a chance with her.

BUT - in messages/on FB/when talking to me she always refers to me as "mate"(which I absolutely detest coming from a chick)/"bud" etc., while this other guy she was lamenting over gets "babe" and "hun". What the f**k. It was pretty much for this reason that I'd canceled the catch-up date for this week.

What it all boils down to, is that I'm apparently receiving mixed signals from her. Having said that, do you think I jumped the gun here, canceling the date because of being referred to as "mate" etc. and getting the impression it wasn't going to progress past a friendship?

 

[LonelyWonders]

I don't think that she's interested in you to that degree. Saying pictures are "sexy" on facebook is a normal thing, or online in general. I think that it wasn't good to cancel the catchup date but if the only reason you wanted to catch up was for the hope of having the friendship go any further than what it is (a friendship) than I think you were right. I may be wrong but thats what I percieved from your story.

 

[schist]

I don't think that she's interested in you to that degree. Saying pictures are "sexy" on facebook is a normal thing, or online in general. I think that it wasn't good to cancel the catchup date but if the only reason you wanted to catch up was for the hope of having the friendship go any further than what it is (a friendship) than I think you were right. I may be wrong but thats what I percieved from your story.

No, I don't think she is interested in me to that degree, but I hoped to change that through the course of us making our catch-ups a regular thing - I figured the more time spent in each other's company could push things in that direction if my cards were played right.

 

[LonelyWonders]

Well hey theres always a chance, if you think the time's worth it to see if she's your girl. Then go for it. If you believe it will work then in the end it'll surely be worth it. Just try not to get angry at that "mate" thing. Just tell yourself that the words will change as your bond grows. In a way it's like a tell of whether she likes you or not and if it's going to work out. Hope things'll work out

 

[Duraldo]

Ugh, I'm in a similarish sitatuaiony. This is a girl that goes to my school, who lived in the next building. It started pretty well, I thought I had a chance, because she was really touchy the VERY next day I met her. Well like you, she called me "sweetie", etc. But right when I was just about to try to attempt a "move" or something, she got stiff, relaxed, stiff again (HER, not me XD). Almost as if she wanted to, but didn't for some reason.

Well, about a week later, we were talkin about something, and I asked where she got her new TV, and she said a "boyst friend", in the middle of the word, it's like she tried to change it from boy to best, but failed. I shrugged about it, and tried to ignore it, but after, I questioned everything she said/did with me.

About a few months later, we were coming home from a movie, and her roomate thought I was her boyfriend, and once again, her voice gets quiet, I turn and start walking out the door (casually, as if I left something), but I didn't want her to see my reaction in my face. This has happened 3 more times, 3 different people thinking I'm her bf.

I'm just as confused as you, to this day we are still friends, (the preceeding happened 2 years ago) I don't really have the strong feelings for her as I used to, but they are there. Probably one of the few girls that actually pays her way around, and doesn't expect me to (even offers sometimes, can't throw a catch like that away!)

My theory is she is either not happy with her bf, and is still attempting to get with me for whatever reason. I hope this isn't the case, because I don't want her like that, I don't wanna be that other guy, because what if she does it to me? OR, this boyfriend does not exist. I've never met him, her roommates never met him, her coworkers never met him either.

I wish I could be of help, but IMO, if this guy is in her old town, and she "misses" him, go for it. You could tottaly work this the right way and steal her for yourself

ALSO: FB/social networks SUCK. I don't talk to ANYONE i know from IRL on there, for THAT reason. I don't wanna know what the girl I just met is thinking, or how she misses her ex, etc. And I refuse to join in the drama, hense why I don't do that anymore. You can make yourself crazy trying reading someone's FB you like.

Good luck!

 

[Pacific_Loner]

No, I don't think she is interested in me to that degree, but I hoped to change that through the course of us making our catch-ups a regular thing - I figured the more time spent in each other's company could push things in that direction if my cards were played right.

Don't hang out with her if you just do it because you hope it will go further and you wouldn't be satisfied just being her friend. This is the most annoying thing Ever - especially if you guys know each other since a while. It really sounds like she likes you as a friend and want it to keep it that way: if you don't want that and you get pissed because she calls another guy "babe", you shouldn't stay around.

 

[LonelyWonders]

Don't hang out with her if you just do it because you hope it will go further and you wouldn't be satisfied just being her friend. This is the most annoying thing Ever - especially if you guys know each other since a while. It really sounds like she likes you as a friend and want it to keep it that way: if you don't want that and you get pissed because she calls another guy "babe", you shouldn't stay around.

Exactly what I was thinking! Just bad with words.(me am)

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

ALSO: FB/social networks SUCK. I don't talk to ANYONE i know from IRL on there, for THAT reason. I don't wanna know what the girl I just met is thinking, or how she misses her ex, etc. And I refuse to join in the drama, hense why I don't do that anymore. You can make yourself crazy trying reading someone's FB you like.

Grown-ups don't tend to engage in drama on FB. The problem isn't social networks themselves, it's what sort of people are on your friends list.

Don't hang out with her if you just do it because you hope it will go further and you wouldn't be satisfied just being her friend. This is the most annoying thing Ever - especially if you guys know each other since a while. It really sounds like she likes you as a friend and want it to keep it that way: if you don't want that and you get pissed because she calls another guy "babe", you shouldn't stay around.

Good advice, babe. ::

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I was going to delete my post because I was finding myself a little harsh but since people agree I guess it wasn't that bad....

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

This really doesn't sound like it's going to go past friendship. Firstly, you've been "friends for years" and if you haven't made a romantic move in that time, the boat has almost certainly long since sailed. Secondly, the "mate" and "bud" rather than the "babe" and "hun" seems to me to be sending quite a clear signal as to how she views you. Thirdly, there's clearly someone else in the picture who she does see in a romantic light.

I'm not saying you can't turn all this around, but I think you'd have to make an enormous effort to do so. I suppose it really all depends on how strongly you feel about her, but I get the impression from your post that she's someone you wouldn't mind having as a girlfriend rather than someone you desperately want to be involved with.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

I was going to delete my post because I was finding myself a little harsh but since people agree I guess it wasn't that bad....

GLad you didnt. Truth can be harsh =) What you said happened to me before, I was never content just being friends couldnt help but get annoyed when she with other guys, etc. So kinda ended things not like right awya just well like I usually do with SAD lol.

However since then kinda regret it now - that's the one problem. A year or few years later may think hmm kinda wish stayed friends or did something now as friends. But then I think because I am not in a relationship now and havent really been, would the same thing/feelings happen over again? Probably. So Idk =D When someones looking for that romantic level esp after lacking it for so long, you feel so intimately/romantically/socially impoverished, easy for any chance to become that one hope, if any kind of attraction there. Being "less" aka just friends, doesn't become satisfying. Hate that.

 

[schist]

We might have been friends for years, but we've hardly ever hung out properly or had a good proper chat. There was no room for me to make a move, as she'd already had a boyfriend at the time.

Secondly, I already have enough female strictly platonic friends (5), and I don't need more. If this just cannot progress past friendship at all, I'm not sticking around. She says she cares a lot for me, but it doesn't mean **** if I don't get what I desire out of it. Sorry, but that's how it is.

Thirdly, she's now "in an open relationship" on FB with another chick. Yes, another chick. Not me, nor this other guy she's calling "babe".

 

[schist]

This really doesn't sound like it's going to go past friendship. Firstly, you've been "friends for years" and if you haven't made a romantic move in that time, the boat has almost certainly long since sailed. Secondly, the "mate" and "bud" rather than the "babe" and "hun" seems to me to be sending quite a clear signal as to how she views you. Thirdly, there's clearly someone else in the picture who she does see in a romantic light.

I'm not saying you can't turn all this around, but I think you'd have to make an enormous effort to do so. I suppose it really all depends on how strongly you feel about her, but I get the impression from your post that she's someone you wouldn't mind having as a girlfriend rather than someone you desperately want to be involved with.

Hmmm ... well my last girlfriend, I was friends with since high school. Then one day, things just changed, and we became more than friends. I hadn't made a romantic move of any kind for about 3 -4 years (granted, I hadn't seen her heaps during that time), but still ...

 

[LonelyWonders]

I just love this word.. Perdicament. Sorry had to say it!

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

We might have been friends for years, but we've hardly ever hung out properly or had a good proper chat. There was no room for me to make a move, as she'd already had a boyfriend at the time.

It doesn't sound like you are particularly close friends then. In fact you sound more like acquaintances than friends.

Secondly, I already have enough female strictly platonic friends (5), and I don't need more. If this just cannot progress past friendship at all, I'm not sticking around. She says she cares a lot for me, but it doesn't mean **** if I don't get what I desire out of it. Sorry, but that's how it is.

That's fair enough, but again this doesn't really sound much like friendship. If you're only interested in being around her if she gets romantic/sexual with you, then it doesn't seem like you are much interested in her as a person or a friend, and I have to wonder if you ever have been. She doesn't seem interested in giving you the sort of relationship you're after so it's probably best for all concerned if you just move on and focus your attention where it's more likely to be reciprocated.

Thirdly, she's now "in an open relationship" on FB with another chick. Yes, another chick. Not me, nor this other guy she's calling "babe".

Really?

Do you have her number......?