Tortured by something incredibly stupid

[A friend]

Hello everyone, I'm sorry I have to come here and post this, but there's no where else that can help me (yahoo answers in useless).

Well, I've been depressed for months due to the fact that I'm single, and I'm now convinced that this may be something that will be a permanent stamp on my existance, even when I acend to heaven.

Basically, I've never had a girlfriend before, and I went to the prom single. Not one first kiss, date, or anything directly or indirectly related to anything that involves love. And yes, I've tried all sorts of things, 326 times to be pricise (yes, I keep count). The definition of insanity is trying to same thing over & over and expecting different results...

And the damage that does is boosted when you do that stuff in terms of love and dating (whatever you call it). So I give up on finding the perfect woman, to protect my mental health.



What I'm trying to say is that I want to live my life without love, and I'm just tired of having this stuck in my mind. It's just getting in the way of everything, I'm getting pretty desperate to end this.

 

[Pookah]

It isn't stupid. People are programmed to be enriched by human contact, touch, communication etc.

With social anxiety we are presented with obstacles. We can only hope to put ourselves out there until we stumble upon a like soul.

 

[Minty]

Same boat. Except I'm a girl and people keep telling me it's easy for girls to find a date.


Lies.

 

[A friend]

Well, it's making me feel almost as bad as the time I got the 24 hour flu that almost killed me (no joke).

I don't really know how to continue surviving like this...I couldn't really find any therapists that could help me...at all. Does anyone have an idea on what I can do?

 

[DespairSoul]

Hello,

I have an idea. Try fight for love even if everything look like is the worse what could be. Try fight for wonderfull thing what world was giving to us: LOVE is worth it for fighting. Keep in your mind that for everyone wait somewhere his second half!Also for you. Keep fightig for your dreams. I know is hard, i know is hell but u can do it. Only u must want it and try it go forward.

 

[UnofficiallyMe]

life IS love.. you just have to find it.. its what we spend our whole life doing. we are seeking out what it means to be loved and to love.

you may feel alone, i know. but you are not. you are never, ever alone. ever.

 

[A friend]

Hello,

I have an idea. Try fight for love even if everything look like is the worse what could be. Try fight for wonderfull thing what world was giving to us: LOVE is worth it for fighting. Keep in your mind that for everyone wait somewhere his second half!Also for you. Keep fightig for your dreams. I know is hard, i know is hell but u can do it. Only u must want it and try it go forward.

umm......I tried that 326 times...And no progress....? I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I need something to substitute for love, because obviously obtaining love is impossible for me.

One example, between all those tries to get someone special, I prayed to God to help me on this, and...I was given a dream, almost as if it were real, and there was God (that looked like Morgan Freeman, an allusion to bruce almighty maybe), and I asked him all sorts of questions...And he confirmed that I would be single forever...

And now...?

I'd prefer to fight for something I can have, and fighting for love is like fighting a war against billions of soldiers as a vegatable. It is literally impossible to win. One of my friends told me that there was an insane man who thought he could lift up an object without touching it, as if he were a jedi and the force existed. He kept doing that for years, until he finally understood the difference between reality and fiction.



I don't fight wars I can't win, and I don't spend 90% of my life trying to get something unachievable.


I need a substitute for love, or just a way to eliminate the need for it. I want to live my life, not go to work, go to parties with my friends, go to holiday conventions with my family, and be depressed just because I'm not "in a relationship".

I've been told I have decent looks and a moderatly good personality, but it wouldn't matter if I looked better than any guy on the planet, there's just some human beings who are going to be single no matter what.

Me, and the others who are permantly single have a better chance of becoming president of the U.S., or becoming the next God than we do finding love. And that, is exactly what I'm trying to find out, how to deal with being single forever, and eliminating this lunacy.

I'm a guy who wants to live his life, not a future patient of a mental hospital.

I'd prefer to have my life and freedom, and that's what I want. There is NO POINT in trying to get something over and over and over again!! It's useless!! I have a life! I don't want an uncontrollible impulse wreaking it and taking away everything that's important to me!

If I don't find a way to get rid of the need to have love, than I'm going to lose all that I care about, because if I keep trying, I'll be a crazy nutjob, I'll end up like a soldier who went through the vietnam war. Or....I'll be so depressed that I'll end up commiting suicide.

So I'd prefer to end the need for love before it blows my fuse, if I keep waiting or trying (or whatever) that will happen. I say end it now, before it ends my whole life, and before I lose all that I care about.

I'd rather never have a soul-mate than lose my life.

 

[Pookah]

If you have "decent looks and moderate personality" then I'm not seeing how you will definitely remain single. People much worse off than you personality and lookwise have found partners. What are you looking for exactly?

 

[A friend]

*sigh*
I'm looking for a way to make my thoughts and feelings more positive, and I'm trying to feel happy mostly all the time. I'm looking to find positive energy, and to make it so I never think bad thoughts.

 

[Pookah]

Well if you suffer from depression and/or anxiety it isn't quite that easy. I don't know that it is wise to try to force yourself to give up something that you want. Especially when it is something integral to many people's happiness. You can try to substitute it with different kinds of loves. For pets, friends and family. Or live vicariously through entertainment. But nothing is quite like the real thing.

Give us an idea of what you have tried and why you think you have failed.

 

[Kiwong]

You've got to find the things that you love to do. The things you have a passion for and immerse yourself in those. Pets are great too. You can love them and they give you love unconditionally.

My advice is to learn to love life, there's so much more to it than whether you are single or not. You're lost if you continue to see life as some sort of incurable disease simply because you are unlucky in the dating stakes. Being single is not a disease in need of a cure

You might get to a point in your life when your appreciate your idependence. I know I have. I've always been single, I didn't go to the 'prom', because that sort of thing bores me to tears and I don't lose any sleep over it. It ceased being an issue long ago.

 

[coyote]

let go of trying to find love

just go on about your life

love will find you


either that, or you could join the priesthood

 

[EasySkanking]

What he said, except the priesthood part lol.

I gave up on trying to find love and "just let it be"... things are getting better like that and I am happier.

 

[coyote]

What he said, except the priesthood part lol.

I gave up on trying to find love and "just let it be"... things are getting better like that and I am happier.

dude, you'd make a great priest

 

[A friend]

Well if you suffer from depression and/or anxiety it isn't quite that easy. I don't know that it is wise to try to force yourself to give up something that you want. Especially when it is something integral to many people's happiness. You can try to substitute it with different kinds of loves. For pets, friends and family. Or live vicariously through entertainment. But nothing is quite like the real thing.

Give us an idea of what you have tried and why you think you have failed.

....In the beginning I had high standards for a partner; I wanted the perfect girl to be the most beautiful one I'd ever seen in my entire life, and I wanted her to be kind, tolerant of who people were and what they enjoyed.

I wanted her to be the kind of person who didn't criticize people for what they did and how they lived (unless they were total jerks), basically...I wanted her to be perfect...

...and....I saw no woman like that, anywhere. So, I lowered my standards, I eliminated the need for a good-looking girl, and just looked for the great personality and everything else...and....well...

I made friends with some, but...they either already had boyfriends/husbands...or, they rejected me and then found boyfriends....

I went to the prom with no date, and for some reason, even though most of my friends also had no dates...all the girls had ones...

For there on out, the same story applied to college and beyond...I finally lowered my standards to the point where I'd just go with the one who had the most disturbing appearance, and worst personality, a pratical obese devil who'd eat the thin men like me.

And she rejected me also.

I did everything anybody suggested me to, don't rush, make friends with them, or "just flirt and do all kinds of stuff it doesn't matter what you look like or what your personality is and stuff....."

I tried all of that, different organizing of all those things, I even changed how I acted, clothing, decided to change what I like, music tastes, what books I like, getting into football, ugh!

I did everything I could, and I still got rejected by them all! Not even the worst girl there is wants me! And all of them said I wasn't ugly, I was the opposite of that, they told me I had a great personality, and still, I'm single?!

Even if I lower my standards to the point where I'd practically consider dating a rock, I get rejected?!

So now, it should make some amount of sense...I hope....

 

[EasySkanking]

dude, you'd make a great priest

Thanks, I guess lol

 

[A friend]

You've got to find the things that you love to do. The things you have a passion for and immerse yourself in those. Pets are great too. You can love them and they give you love unconditionally.

My advice is to learn to love life, there's so much more to it than whether you are single or not.

That's the thing. I've known that since the beginning. The depression is not really something I have control of, it's kind of like a creature, or spiritual being that has access to my emotions.

There's not just that logic that's been placed inside of me, I've also studied the experiences of others long before I came to this forum.

Apparently, many of my friends have desribed love as hard work, like a job that's extremely stressful, except you don't get paid. If I had control, I'd stay single forever, but unfortunately, whatever's messing with my emotions is stopping that from happening.

And yes, being single forever is not a disease that needs to be cured. Wanting a love life and trying over 326 times is a disease that needs to be cured. Wanting a significant other is a disease (for me at least), being single isn't.

You might get to a point in your life when your appreciate your idependence. I know I have. I've always been single, I didn't go to the 'prom', because that sort of thing bores me to tears and I don't lose any sleep over it. It ceased being an issue long ago.

I envy you...You are a very tough person, and you've got good control of yourself.

It's not me or the knowledge really, it's some kind of part of my brain that's giving me this stupid need for love. Does that mean I'm crazy?

(thanks for your help by the way)

 

[panicsurvivor]

You've got to find the things that you love to do. The things you have a passion for and immerse yourself in those. Pets are great too. You can love them and they give you love unconditionally.

My advice is to learn to love life, there's so much more to it than whether you are single or not. You're lost if you continue to see life as some sort of incurable disease simply because you are unlucky in the dating stakes. Being single is not a disease in need of a cure

You might get to a point in your life when your appreciate your idependence. I know I have. I've always been single, I didn't go to the 'prom', because that sort of thing bores me to tears and I don't lose any sleep over it. It ceased being an issue long ago.

This is the absolute best advice. The thing is, when you do this most of the time that is when you end up finding someone. I have only had 2 serious relationships in my life. Both have come when I wasn't expecting them or looking for them. For that matter both of them also came when I was occupied doing things that made me happy.

 

[A friend]

sooo...the idea is to focus mostly on what I enjoy doing, and do what I can to focus my energy and thoughts in those areas?

 

[DespairSoul]

Hello,

Well, u say that u need substitude for LOVE or eliminate the need for it.

Substitude for love can be anything what infill u the most. Do you find it what that is?
If u did then will be good to focus on this. Do things wich u like the most. Jump,sing, swimm go parties with frends, make vacations with family as u said. Focus, focus,focus.

Eliminate need for love?This is impossible, u cant destroy natural feeling. U can get use to it be with out love and take it loneliness like part of you. But eliminate is too strong word, i dont believe is possible eliminate so strong feeling. Atleast i cant eliminate thats again i will use your words feel like: A vegetable what fight against bunch of soldiers.

I like your dream good taste for a god like Morgan Freeman sound lovely, but i guess was just a dream, and dream isnt reality the same as was your frend believing he can lift object with out touching this is very unrealistic (mental illness can make unbelievable miracles) i guess.

What if love will come to you alone?In the time what we expect the most less actually come something unpredictable and we are wondering how that happend. Pressing on to find love and seek for it sometimes actually is opposite of that what we desperately wish having. Actually ignorance and not carrying so much about it can help come to victory not always but a lot of people what actually was giving up and not focusing thinking round round and trying fighting for impossible was from one second changed on the most possible thing on the world.

I know well why u prefer better end the need for love. But i think is just not possible, only possibility is accept this like your apart and time will heal it. But need will be always in the air thats u will be not a human. Your need will disspapear if u will be old maybe but not like a young healthy man. U can only be active and just let your thoughts focus in diffrent way. U will have to fight anyway but not for love for other things. Isnt happiness with out suffering.

I too dont want fight with anxiety and everyday i must and i dont want to fight, i just wanna live free. Feel free,feel wind in my hair and enjoy it with out fear being outside. I can say i want milion of times and my wish with out focusing and fighting will never come true.