Anyone else besides me feel like they have absolutely no motivation in life until they find that "special someone"? and I feel like I have no need to better myself such as a better job among other things in life until I have that person there to motivate me and sadly at 26 years old I'm starting to realize that may never happen.
no motivation
- Thread starter shyguymi
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userremoved
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I do sometimes, but thats only when a get depressed about my lack of love life. On good days I'm usually pretty motivated. But yeah I know how you feel, it sometime feels like the things you achieve in life are kinda pointless. Though I know in my head we shouldn't live just for another person.
BlueDays
1
I would not recommend relying on someone else to motivate you because then if that person is ever lost/broken/taken away from you, you will fall in a heap.
Nobody should expect someone else to be their motivator. If someone offers help voluntarily thats great, but if you put that expectation on someone else they might end up feeling pressured by that expectation you have placed on them.
If you find a way to motivate yourself, then you need never worry about that being taken away or losing it.
Nobody should expect someone else to be their motivator. If someone offers help voluntarily thats great, but if you put that expectation on someone else they might end up feeling pressured by that expectation you have placed on them.
If you find a way to motivate yourself, then you need never worry about that being taken away or losing it.
Devrium
Well-known member
Omg you took the words right out of my mouth shyguymi... I know EXACTLY what you mean... like, I moved in with my Aunt 8 months ago... about 5 months after that I met my boyfriend online. (I have since been to see him irl though)... Anyway, up until I met him I felt like my life was at a complete dead end.. I was completely depressed and I had no motivation to do anything.. I mean just bringing myself to get up in the morning was a struggle some days.. I just didn't care to live anymore.. I felt there was no point to living at all (I mean yea I still get that way on my bad days, but a lot less more often now that I have him...)
Now.. I feel like there is actually a light at the end of my tunnel.. like I have something worth living for again...
The problem with this is that... he is everything to me. Like literally, everything. My only reason to go on living. All of my hopes and dreams are placed in one person.. I keep thinking, what if something happens, what if he stops loving me, what if everything we planned goes to hell.. then I am stuck living here with my aunt who is sick and on her death bed.. and after that then what? It scares the sh!t out of me.. Like I keep thinking I will just end up dead in some gutter.. and my pathetic existence will have all been a waste..
See, my boyfriend asked me to move in with him this June... So we can live together and start a life together and I feel like if that happens I can actually be happy for once in my life.. I will have everything I ever dreamed of.. but until then we are separated by 1400 miles... I left him 3 and a half weeks ago and it has been complete hell ever since (especially since most of that time he's been sick with mono so we have barely been talking).. I am already a completely insecure person when it comes to relationships. I mean, he is literally all I've got and if something were to happen.. I really don't know what I would do..
This in turn makes me even more insecure... I mean like right now.. we kind of had a mini fight last night.. it wasn't bad, but still I have been freaking out about it all day. I know that right this moment he is sick and probably sleeping and won't be on for another day or so... so I will feel completely terrible until I talk to him again.. and I have been worrying constantly all day today that he hates me because of what happened last night and he's avoiding me and he will want to break up with me.. all over one tiny stupid fight (which was indirectly about my insecurities.. which is causing me to be 10 times more insecure)...
Anyway.. it's almost like a catch 22 I guess.. feeling that way.. But I guess I sort of strayed from the point there a bit.. and that's that I am more motivated now than I ever have been in my life... And I really, really hope that he is that special someone.. that he is THE one... I am tired of being alone, tired of looking, tired of feeling useless and worthless and at a dead end... I guess I am very, very lucky.. Now all I have to do is not fck it up. Because I know that if my relationship with him ends.. it will be 99% my fault. And that right now, is my greatest fear...
It's not healthy to pin all your hopes and dreams on one person.. But I don't have a plan B... so i don't know what else to do..
*sigh* Anyway... I am 26 and I just found him a few months ago. If someone like me can do it, I have faith that you can as well... Just keep an open mind and an open heart and never give up hope... Just a few comforting words...
Hope transforms pessimism into optimism. Hope is invincible. Hope changes everything. It changes winter into summer, darkness into dawn, descent into ascent, barrenness into creativity, agony into joy. Hope is the sun. It is light. It is passion. It is the fundamental force for life's blossoming.
When we limit ourselves with low expectations, the growth of the tree of happiness ceases. The power of growth, of improvement, the power to overcome all stagnation and break through every obstacle and transform a barren wasteland into a verdant field--that unstoppable power of hope resides right within your own heart. It wells up from the rich earth of your innermost being when you face the future without doubt or fear: "I can do more. I can grow. I can become a bigger and better human being." Life is a never-ending struggle to grow.
Anyway, sorry for such a long post.. I tend to do that a lot... I believe in you tho.. I hope that means something..
Now.. I feel like there is actually a light at the end of my tunnel.. like I have something worth living for again...
The problem with this is that... he is everything to me. Like literally, everything. My only reason to go on living. All of my hopes and dreams are placed in one person.. I keep thinking, what if something happens, what if he stops loving me, what if everything we planned goes to hell.. then I am stuck living here with my aunt who is sick and on her death bed.. and after that then what? It scares the sh!t out of me.. Like I keep thinking I will just end up dead in some gutter.. and my pathetic existence will have all been a waste..
See, my boyfriend asked me to move in with him this June... So we can live together and start a life together and I feel like if that happens I can actually be happy for once in my life.. I will have everything I ever dreamed of.. but until then we are separated by 1400 miles... I left him 3 and a half weeks ago and it has been complete hell ever since (especially since most of that time he's been sick with mono so we have barely been talking).. I am already a completely insecure person when it comes to relationships. I mean, he is literally all I've got and if something were to happen.. I really don't know what I would do..
This in turn makes me even more insecure... I mean like right now.. we kind of had a mini fight last night.. it wasn't bad, but still I have been freaking out about it all day. I know that right this moment he is sick and probably sleeping and won't be on for another day or so... so I will feel completely terrible until I talk to him again.. and I have been worrying constantly all day today that he hates me because of what happened last night and he's avoiding me and he will want to break up with me.. all over one tiny stupid fight (which was indirectly about my insecurities.. which is causing me to be 10 times more insecure)...
Anyway.. it's almost like a catch 22 I guess.. feeling that way.. But I guess I sort of strayed from the point there a bit.. and that's that I am more motivated now than I ever have been in my life... And I really, really hope that he is that special someone.. that he is THE one... I am tired of being alone, tired of looking, tired of feeling useless and worthless and at a dead end... I guess I am very, very lucky.. Now all I have to do is not fck it up. Because I know that if my relationship with him ends.. it will be 99% my fault. And that right now, is my greatest fear...
It's not healthy to pin all your hopes and dreams on one person.. But I don't have a plan B... so i don't know what else to do..
*sigh* Anyway... I am 26 and I just found him a few months ago. If someone like me can do it, I have faith that you can as well... Just keep an open mind and an open heart and never give up hope... Just a few comforting words...
Hope transforms pessimism into optimism. Hope is invincible. Hope changes everything. It changes winter into summer, darkness into dawn, descent into ascent, barrenness into creativity, agony into joy. Hope is the sun. It is light. It is passion. It is the fundamental force for life's blossoming.
When we limit ourselves with low expectations, the growth of the tree of happiness ceases. The power of growth, of improvement, the power to overcome all stagnation and break through every obstacle and transform a barren wasteland into a verdant field--that unstoppable power of hope resides right within your own heart. It wells up from the rich earth of your innermost being when you face the future without doubt or fear: "I can do more. I can grow. I can become a bigger and better human being." Life is a never-ending struggle to grow.
Anyway, sorry for such a long post.. I tend to do that a lot... I believe in you tho.. I hope that means something..
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lithium
Well-known member
haha, nice.
Noca
Banned
That will work...for a while. But what goes up must come down, but what goes down doesn't have to go up.
Don't be so simple-minded. Even if you do; you think your significant other is perfect (not literally). When you have her/him by your side; you think you will be able to become "normal"? Have you forgotten that the other person has issues too. It will add to yours and build on it. What you are in is a fantasy...
My text cannot convince you into believe in such thing. You must experience it for yourself to believe it.
My text cannot convince you into believe in such thing. You must experience it for yourself to believe it.
Devrium
Well-known member
I agree that the other person will have issues, and I agree that it may very well add on to your own.. But I also believe that despite any issues that you two have, with enough courage and determination and inner strength you can over come any obstacle. You can, without a doubt, make any relationship work if you both are willing... the problem with all that is that it rarely, if ever happens... All I am saying is it's not impossible.
And even if it is a fantasy I like to believe it's worth it for the brief moments of happiness that love can bring. As "simple minded" as that may make me... But that's my optimistic side speaking. On the other hand... as I have said to you before... I also disagree with that statement, "It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." Because the heartache and pain that that loss can bring is near unbearable (at least for me).. And makes it just not worth it. And yes, I realize all that makes me sound like I am contradicting myself, but.. that's really how I feel. I guess it's more like I want to believe in that fantasy.. even if I know it's pointless and not real... because in my miserable existence I want to have known at least a little happiness.. even if it was fleeting and pointless and led to suffering in the end.
Like with my situation right now... I spent the best 5 weeks of my entire life with my boyfriend through January and February of this year... literally the best weeks of my life. I didn't think it was possible.. to feel like that. To feel that complete, and that happy. If him and I break up... and I never get to feel that happiness again... and all I know is that cruel glimpse into what my life could have been.. The future that I could have had...the complete and utter happiness and joy that I felt with him... like all my problems were magically gone... I want to believe it was worth it. I want to think, "At least I got to know what happiness felt like, just once in my life." Even if it means I have to suffer through the heartbreak and loneliness for the rest of my life. Maybe that makes me ignorant and naive and stupid... but it is what it is..
And as for your other statement... I doubt that even experiencing it for themselves would teach most people. People... especially ones that are insecure and codependent and "living in that fantasy world" as you might say.. where they believe in finding that "special someone" and living happily ever after.... Those people.. they don't change. They will keep on making the same mistakes over and over and over again with relationships. They will keep falling into the same traps. They never learn... Just my personal opinion.. But I can almost say that with certainty.. because I am one of those people.
So say what you will about love and relationships. I understand about being cynical towards it... but don't expect people to ever see the truth and change. I will most likely still be waiting for "The One" until the day I die... and that depresses me...
Edit: And for the record, I'm not really disagreeing with you... I am just kind of elaborating and throwing in my irrational and emotionally tainted female opinions ^^
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redski
1
See, I read this line, reflect on myself and it brings me down.
Question is can this be changed so I do not end up alone.
People I know have told me if you mess around with many women you will
not get attached to just one. Like I have twice because I guess I wanted
to believe they were the special someone.
The older I get the less I believe in that fantasy.
Now I see it just simply as two people that want the samething at the same
time and they are willing to put an effort into making it working.
DarkSeeker
Well-known member
Well, as people behaving like introverts (but are we real introverts?). While being alone all by ourselves in our little world, we might as well do like them and get our love from ideals and ideas. You know like religion, philosophies, ect. Just pick whatever you like out of the bag and you can get motivation from the love you feel for it. It's not as good, but it may keep you going for a little while longer hoping for that special something to finally happen.
Ideas and Ideals are the only thing that kept me going when I was in the deepest reach of Hell.
Ideas and Ideals are the only thing that kept me going when I was in the deepest reach of Hell.
Falkor
1
Is a girlfriend really that neccesary? You can enjoy life without it !
What is the difference between having a girlfriend and not having a girlfriend?
Love. Okay. That is the most wonderful thing. But isn't life Love too?
I am 17 years old, and when i was 15, i always said.. ''i'll never find anyone''
but like is not a spell, we can't spell what will happen. So you never know what will happen! Just live the day.
Maybe tomorrow U will meet someone, maybe over a month you will meet someone, but the problem is with us social phobic's that we dont go out much to social places, so that we cant meet people very fast.
So if you really wanna meet someone, you should try that more.
How tough it will be, fight for love ! ::
I also thought about this and I fight to go out more
And youre never too old to find a lover!
Good luck !!!!
What is the difference between having a girlfriend and not having a girlfriend?
Love. Okay. That is the most wonderful thing. But isn't life Love too?
I am 17 years old, and when i was 15, i always said.. ''i'll never find anyone''
but like is not a spell, we can't spell what will happen. So you never know what will happen! Just live the day.
Maybe tomorrow U will meet someone, maybe over a month you will meet someone, but the problem is with us social phobic's that we dont go out much to social places, so that we cant meet people very fast.
So if you really wanna meet someone, you should try that more.
How tough it will be, fight for love ! :
:I also thought about this and I fight to go out more
And youre never too old to find a lover!
Good luck !!!!
lithiumflower
Well-known member
I feel the same way.
redski
1
That is a good question.
A book I read once regarding "loveshyness" (was wondering what it was)
said pretty decisively "Men need women".