Massive Success At Club

[Phobologist]

On Thursday, the day after the massive fail at the club, I went back there...

This time I was totally drunk and committed to being myself. I had a fantastic time, even better than at many parties in college. I wasnt acting and I had complete confidence. I started tonnes of conversations, danced, made out, all of that stuff, just like in the past, but this time without a care in the world and without putting on airs.

Theres no need to act "cool", it's all COMPLETE bullshit. People liked me a lot more as the real me. Of course being drunk made it all possible, but since that experience ( the first in 9 years ) I have felt stronger than before. Something has changed. I just dont feel as scared...not quite...of what others think of me anymore. Could this be the beginning of the end of the SA? Maybe. I hope so.

Anyone else find this to be true for them as well?

 

[Harleyq]

Congratulations! It's really nice to hear that you were able to let loose and be yourself and you've discovered that people like you.

My only concern is to watch the alcohol. I don't want you to become an alcoholic and start spiraling downwards again because you get too dependent on the liquid courage to go out and be social. Anxiety sufferers are at a higher risk for substance abuse than "normal" people.

I don't drink but I'm pretty sure if I did, I would just be an angry drunk, lol. I get irritated pretty easily and I'm not an extrovert in the least so I'd probably just end up getting annoyed at the crowds of people always around and then I'd get crabby with everyone.

 

[PunkRotten]

Yeah ego is a huge part of it.

 

[Tiercel]

All alcohol does for me is to make me sing along with the music that's always running in my head. But as my own personal soundtrack is always changing, there's really no telling what I'll start singing. You could luck out and get Mozart or Vivaldi. Or you could some of that black metal I've been getting in to recently....

Actually, "sing" isn't the best term. It's more like babble. When I drink, I babble music. ::

 

[Phobologist]

Congratulations! It's really nice to hear that you were able to let loose and be yourself and you've discovered that people like you.

My only concern is to watch the alcohol. I don't want you to become an alcoholic and start spiraling downwards again because you get too dependent on the liquid courage to go out and be social. Anxiety sufferers are at a higher risk for substance abuse than "normal" people.

I don't drink but I'm pretty sure if I did, I would just be an angry drunk, lol. I get irritated pretty easily and I'm not an extrovert in the least so I'd probably just end up getting annoyed at the crowds of people always around and then I'd get crabby with everyone.

Thank you Harley, yes I was surprised how well it worked. I did it again last night and ended up having a 15 minute conversation with a girl. She wasn't interested either, it was just friendly.No acting needed. Im so relieved.

Thanks for the warning about alcohol, I dont think I am at great risk. I don't drink very much and have a low physical tolerance because I get sick easily.

How come you don't drink Harley?

 

[Jake123]

I skimmed over the topics and thought this said "Mass Suicide Cult" at first lol

>_>

 

[Phobologist]

I skimmed over the topics and thought this said "Mass Suicide Cult" at first lol

>_>

Hahhahaha.....dude

 

[Remus]

Its not really the drink, it's the fact that you "joined in" that led to great success!

YOU did it!

 

[Phobologist]

Congratulations! I am happy for you! I started opening up more once I had a few drinks in me. Now, I don't need alcohol to talk to people. I can actually be pretty outgoing and social without getting drunk. You'll see that you will become more and more comfortable as you realize that there is nothing to be worried about. Eventually, you won't need alcohol to open up. You still have to remain realistic though. There can be setbacks just be prepared for them and take them with stride. Overcoming those obstacles is only going to make you stronger.

Thanks Serafina, in fact I have noticed just that over the last several months. I was able without alcohol to "act", and on a few good days I had a good time at the local bars, talking with people. However, in all of those cases I was still "acting" and it was my success at this that made me feel confident and able to relax. Ironically, believing my own bullshit made me more myself then if I had not found my act convincing. Now however, I can at least go out drunk without the need to act. I really believe you that I will get to the point where this is possible without alcohol.

 

[Phobologist]

Its not really the drink, it's the fact that you "joined in" that led to great success!

YOU did it!

Well Im not sure Remus....on alcohol it feels like nothing is too scary. I just dont have the same reactions to my thoughts that I have when Im sober, and my thinking is slowed down, the intrusive thoughts are gone entirely. This isnt possible currently without alcohol or medication. But I suppose I can get to the point where it is achievable without drugs. Thanks.

 

[206Raider]

I can do that too when I'm drunk, get wasted and have fun too bad it doesn't stay that way, the last party I was drunk at I had 4 girls ask for my number at a party, make out...etc, when I'm sober that never ever happens....overwhelmed in fear and anxiety and all that be yourself stuff flies out the window....so if you can figure out how to be "normal" without alcohol....tell me....becuase I'm sure your feeling pretty high now, I was too when things like this happen.....but I always screw it up...find a way not to

 

[Phobologist]

I can do that too when I'm drunk, get wasted and have fun too bad it doesn't stay that way, the last party I was drunk at I had 4 girls ask for my number at a party, make out...etc, when I'm sober that never ever happens....overwhelmed in fear and anxiety and all that be yourself stuff flies out the window....so if you can figure out how to be "normal" without alcohol....tell me....becuase I'm sure your feeling pretty high now, I was too when things like this happen.....but I always screw it up...find a way not to

hey 206!

I have been feeling less concerned with what others think even WITHOUT alcohol. This is a new development that started yesterday morning. I fully understand where you are coming from because you and I are pretty much in the same boat. Do you have atelophobia ( fear of being generally defective )??? That's my fear. Im curious, let me know more about your experiences.

 

[blue-roses]

Firstly, congratulations; I'm glad you got out and had a good time and are feeling better about yourself now!

However...yeah, sorry to be such a downer, lol...like some others have mentioned, you don't want to become dependent on alcohol and expect it to solve all your problems. I know you know that but I don't know...I just feel like preaching, hehe. Booze helped you to go clubbing, a very specific situation, and it seems that the highlight for you was being able to chat up girls and make out, et cetera. Now, I don't know what 'type' of SA you have - whether you're only afraid of talking to women or have a more generalised fear; I see you just mentioned atelophobia, but I still don't know how much that affects your functioning - but alcohol isn't going to help you in many situations outside nightclubs! Seeing as you've been feeling a bit better about yourself anyway, you seem to be on a roll, try and get out and do more things without booze and use that to build up more confidence. Congrats again and good luck.

I barely drink because of emetophobia (fear of vomiting) but when I do get a bit tipsy and start acting silly, my SA is still there. At a friend's party earlier this year (Jesus...I don't even go to parties anymore...I've gone downhill so freaking quickly) I got quite loud and giggly and was saying all this stupid stuff, while at the same time that little voice in my head was still saying "shut up, you're drunk, don't speak you stupid cow, everyone thinks you're a loser..." Hmm, maybe next time I should get really drunk and then I won't worry anymore...

I find I can be quite outgoing and even - dare I say it - charming - when I do manage to drag myself out of the house to go clubbing or whatever. I can talk to guys and crack jokes and other girls seem to like me. It has to be in a really loud environment where there's lots going on and I don't feel like I stand out, though. If everyone else is really drunk and I'm not, it's a bonus, because (a) they look even more stupid than I do and (b) they probably won't remember any of it the next day so I could get away with anything...hahaha. I flirt with guys in clubs, but I never try to pick up, because I've never seen a guy at a club who wasn't totally off his face and just trying to score in front of his friends (yeah, I probably frequent the wrong places, but my friends and I are young...) and I don't have much respect for anyone that drinks 'til they're hurling (no offence to anyone, but it goes back to my emetophobia. )

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I'm so happy to hear that you were able to get out and socialize and have some genuine fun around strangers. Hopefully, as you gain confidence, you'll be able to cut-back on the drinks-some and do it naturally.

But most people do have a few drinks at a club to settle their nerves, so it's not like you ever have to totally put the alcohol down and fly solo.

I think the confidence and experience you're gaining from these outings is absolutely invaluable. Just take care of yourself and have fun.

 

[Harleyq]

Thank you Harley, yes I was surprised how well it worked. I did it again last night and ended up having a 15 minute conversation with a girl. She wasn't interested either, it was just friendly.No acting needed. Im so relieved.

Thanks for the warning about alcohol, I dont think I am at great risk. I don't drink very much and have a low physical tolerance because I get sick easily.

How come you don't drink Harley?

Well, that's good to hear. I was just a little worried that if you get hammered every time you go to nightclubs, you'll start getting distressed in non-club situations and start thinking "I can't do this without a drink" and then it'll become an addiction. But if you have a handle on it, all the better.

I don't drink for a couplr of reasons. I'm not particularly fond of the taste of alcohol anyways, but I'm pretty sure that if I started, I would become dependent on it, just based on how well I know myself - I find something that makes me feel good and I do it too much lol.

 

[Mikefly]

Drinking is fun every so often but don't rely on it to have fun, that's not the "real" u either.

 

[Phobologist]

Firstly, congratulations; I'm glad you got out and had a good time and are feeling better about yourself now!

Hi Blue, and thank you very much.

...Now, I don't know what 'type' of SA you have - whether you're only afraid of talking to women or have a more generalised fear; I see you just mentioned atelophobia, but I still don't know how much that affects your functioning - but alcohol isn't going to help you in many situations outside nightclubs! Seeing as you've been feeling a bit better about yourself anyway, you seem to be on a roll, try and get out and do more things without booze and use that to build up more confidence. Congrats again and good luck.

Yes I hav atelophobia so it is generalized, there is no specific defect, its the conglomeration of many defects which underlies my anxiety. In general I have been feeling much better. I have been experiencing automatic self-affirming thoughts in the last two days. They began suddenly Friday when after each self-depricating though: He think Im a loser, she won't like me, Im not tough enough, They will laugh at me....I had a reaffirming though.."So What?", "If no one likes me im still worth something and even the biggest douchebag has friends. Its because of what I am doing, not because of me." These thoughts have become stronger and I am hoping it continues this way. Right now the fear is strongly reduced.

I barely drink because of emetophobia (fear of vomiting) but when I do get a bit tipsy and start acting silly, my SA is still there. At a friend's party earlier this year (Jesus...I don't even go to parties anymore...I've gone downhill so freaking quickly) I got quite loud and giggly and was saying all this stupid stuff, while at the same time that little voice in my head was still saying "shut up, you're drunk, don't speak you stupid cow, everyone thinks you're a loser..." Hmm, maybe next time I should get really drunk and then I won't worry anymore...

Those are very harsh self-depricating thoughts. What do you think your SA is based on? I believe you might have told me once but I can't remember. Was it the fear of acting foolish?

I find I can be quite outgoing and even - dare I say it - charming - when I do manage to drag myself out of the house to go clubbing or whatever. I can talk to guys and crack jokes and other girls seem to like me. It has to be in a really loud environment where there's lots going on and I don't feel like I stand out, though. If everyone else is really drunk and I'm not, it's a bonus, because (a) they look even more stupid than I do and (b) they probably won't remember any of it the next day so I could get away with anything...hahaha. I flirt with guys in clubs, but I never try to pick up, because I've never seen a guy at a club who wasn't totally off his face and just trying to score in front of his friends (yeah, I probably frequent the wrong places, but my friends and I are young...) and I don't have much respect for anyone that drinks 'til they're hurling (no offence to anyone, but it goes back to my emetophobia. )

Not only that, but I'd venture to say that guys even ....gasp...like you when you go out to clubs, and there are plenty who would be willing to get to know you before demanding sex. You can't be so rigid, guys at clubs aren't any different really from guys in general. If a girl is a complete slut then noone will respect her no matter what situation she is in. But if she is sexy but reserved, then she gives a respectable impression. That is how others think at least. Try giving guys more of a chance. You're in control, after all.

 

[Phobologist]

Drinking is fun every so often but don't rely on it to have fun, that's not the "real" u either.

Yea, actually it is the real me. When you drink the real person comes out like truth serum.

 

[Phobologist]

Well, that's good to hear. I was just a little worried that if you get hammered every time you go to nightclubs, you'll start getting distressed in non-club situations and start thinking "I can't do this without a drink" and then it'll become an addiction. But if you have a handle on it, all the better.

I don't drink for a couplr of reasons. I'm not particularly fond of the taste of alcohol anyways, but I'm pretty sure that if I started, I would become dependent on it, just based on how well I know myself - I find something that makes me feel good and I do it too much lol.

Hi, guys Im not NEW to drinking. Ive been drinking at parties and clubs since before 12th grade in highschool. IM 23. Drinking was a regulatory activity for me until a year ago. It's just that I was starting not to drink very much when going out around my house since I found I could manage the same without alcohol. In the past even when drunk I would still act, and I would frequently get extremely upset and even sulk at parties if things didn't go my way. I found that drinking in earnest was no longer helping me perform in these situations, it was just costing me money. Now drinking is crucial again. Im sorry to hear that you can't drink Harley, maybe when you are better you will find it more enjoyable. Remember it's an acquired taste.

 

[Phobologist]

I'm so happy to hear that....
I think the confidence and experience you're gaining from these outings is absolutely invaluable. Just take care of yourself and have fun.

Thanks a lot fairfax!

Something has changed a lot in my thinking and feelings, and I have tested it out with positive results, in local bars. I hope it continues to improve, but I expect it to plateau for a while. I think I gave the wrong impression that drinking was new for me. It isn't at all. Ive been drinking since I was 16. But I could never be my real-self while drinking, only better than normal. Now I realize that drinking is crucial to opening up around others when going out.