Do You Want Kids? Do you already have their names picked out but..

[AGR]

I will probably never have kids and if I did they would most likely be all ****ed up like me,but I would do the best I could for them, if somehow I end up getting married, why not?

 

[Rodney]

Being that my lil cuzs love to play with me and I love to play with them and since it seems that I am able to interact better with them than people my own age or adults (I know right, how sad), yes I definetly want children some day, but I'm not excited for them to grow up becuase I won't know how to interact with them when they reach teens/young adults, I guarantee it.

 

[Blue Teardrops]

Blue: if I was interested in someone, it wouldn't matter to me if she had alopecia or not... I know exactly what it is and I know how devastating it is... My mother has had it for about 10 years... She uses mens Rogaine on a regular basis. For me, it wouldn't be a turn off at all...

Now as far as having children. I cannot and will not have children. My reasons are I feel it is selfish to have kids. At least I feel that way looking at my own life. I didn't ask to be here, but my folks forced me to live a life I never wanted. I know for a fact I have first cousins that have very bad SA, depression, agoraphobia and other mental illnesses. My sister, mother, father all have bad depression, and auto immune disorders. Bad allergies, asthma, and there is no way I would ever want offspring to live through the crap I have lived through. Okay, I know I am sounding VERY VERY negative here. But I feel very strongly about it. I also view the world as being a very poor environment to be bringing in another life. I hate the over populated areas that are exponentially growing every year... I have seen areas that were once corn fields and mature oak woods, turn into housing developments where houses are literally 20 feet apart from each other darn near stacked on top of one another. That kind of growth is happening at an alarming rate. I think we are killing ourselves with too many people, and I don't see how the planet will be able to meet the demands and be able to continue producing energy for everyone. With all the emissions and warming trends... this world has become a very scary place for me, and I worry about our future. So much so that it makes me sick at times... This is a big reason why I can't and won't have children... I just can't do that to another life... Sorry...

I hear you. I have a sense of guilt for wanting kids, believe me. I'm afraid of what kind of world I'd be bringing them into. I know I'd be the smothering, worrying mom who shelters her kids too much from the world. But I'm having faith that future generations will be smarter than our own and work on preserving the earth rather than destroying it like we've been doing. Then we have to worry about nuclear war and all that. But that doesn't eliminate the desire I have for a family. If I'm lucky to find the right guy, I'd like to have kids in five years from now. But that's a good period of time to see what state the world will be in by then that affects my decision. If anything I could always adopt. There's so many orphans in the world who need good parents. It's sad.

I've had alopecia for 11 years. Actually, I believe it's traction alopecia from wearing it in a tight bun for a long time, and it just never grew back. I haven't used rogaine because I heard it can make more hair fall out or cause hair to grow in places you don't want them to grow. That's scary enough. I'll probably wait until some stem cell therapy surfaces. Hopefully I'll be rich enough by then.

Unfortunately, most guys won't understand alopecia like you do. They'd probably just think I'm a freak of nature or something.

 

[scarletlee]

I’m a mum and I can tell you that I don’t see myself as “’selfish” for having a baby. Although I struggle with my SA (there are a lot of situations that come with parenting that flare up your anxiety) I have always made a point of not letting it get in the way of being a good mother. You do put them in front of yourself and that pushes you through situations that are out of your comfort zone. It was suggested in this thread that becoming a parent is a socially acceptable thing to do, I know what was meant by that but really it does not make you suddenly socially accepted when you have a kid. There is a lot more judgement of you if anything. Parents can do a lot of bitching. As for passing on SA to your child, of course it is a concern but being aware of this illness can help prevent it too. My Lil girl is just a baby but so far she is nothing like her crazy mum . My daughter is full of smiles and self confidence. The world is far from perfect, but I don't think having a child adds to it’ s problems ( I took a bit of offence to that ).. my girl makes it a better place.
P.s I know everyone has their own opinion on this topic, I don't mean to attack anyone’s post – I love the honesty, just putting in my own

 

[lurknomore]

I’m a mum and I can tell you that I don’t see myself as “’selfish” for having a baby. Although I struggle with my SA (there are a lot of situations that come with parenting that flare up your anxiety) I have always made a point of not letting it get in the way of being a good mother. You do put them in front of yourself and that pushes you through situations that are out of your comfort zone. It was suggested in this thread that becoming a parent is a socially acceptable thing to do, I know what was meant by that but really it does not make you suddenly socially accepted when you have a kid. There is a lot more judgement of you if anything. Parents can do a lot of bitching. As for passing on SA to your child, of course it is a concern but being aware of this illness can help prevent it too. My Lil girl is just a baby but so far she is nothing like her crazy mum . My daughter is full of smiles and self confidence. The world is far from perfect, but I don't think having a child adds to it’ s problems ( I took a bit of offence to that ).. my girl makes it a better place.
P.s I know everyone has their own opinion on this topic, I don't mean to attack anyone’s post – I love the honesty, just putting in my own

Well said scarletlee- I am a mother myself, and I think being a parent (at least if you're going to try your best to do it right) is anything but selfish. My little ones are 6 and 7, and I do worry about influencing them with my SA, but my daughter is actually one of the most social people I know, and I think it's actually helping me to get over some of my fears of talking to people when she pretty much forces me into certain situations. I don't know about the social acceptability of being a parent, I don't think I've been judged in either direction on that. My children have been a blessing to me, and have actually been an inspiration motivating me to do more things with my life.

 

[JCS008]

I don't have kids. And I don't think I'll have kids anytime in the near future. Just everything that I need to take care of right now puts that situation on the backburner for probably quite a while.

 

[this_portrait]

I do not enjoy the company of children, so therefore I never plan on having any.

 

[Septor]

Right now I would say no, I don't want any kids but that could change,if I could ever get in a relationship.At the very least I need a kid to take care of me when I'm 80.Hopefully they wont be ungrateful brats.

 

[sabbath]

I'd like to have kids but I can't afford any. I don't want kids until after I have: a good college degree, own a home (mortgage paid off), own a car, have traveled to different countries, have a steady job / income, have lots of savings, etc. And then I'd probably adopt instead of creating a new human. Overpopulation is destroying the planet and it seems like the Chinese are the only ones saying people should limit how many kids they have.

My childhood was full of trauma and pain. I don't want to repeat these parenting errors. I don't want to have kids and then never see them because I'm working all the time. Or have kids and then not be able to afford to give them a good education, health care, a place to live and grow.

And I don't want my kids to have to take care of me because I'm sick or old. Or have my life revolve around them because they are all I have.

 

[iamthenra]

And then I'd probably adopt instead of creating a new human. Overpopulation is destroying the planet and it seems like the Chinese are the only ones saying people should limit how many kids they have.

My childhood was full of trauma and pain. I don't want to repeat these parenting errors. I don't want to have kids and then never see them because I'm working all the time. Or have kids and then not be able to afford to give them a good education, health care, a place to live and grow.

And I don't want my kids to have to take care of me because I'm sick or old. Or have my life revolve around them because they are all I have.

Wow!!! Finally, someone who thinks like me!!! BRAVO!!!! I like you!!!!

 

[Pookah]

I think it is perfectly natural to want kids, it is in your biology. Personal concerns (personality and informed opinion), however lead to some of us deciding it isn't for us. I am conflicted.

I agree that the world is overpopulated and if I was in a situation where I could take care of children I would want to look into adoption. If I have a partner who wants them there would need to be a serious discussion about it, but I can't say I would never want to create life with a future partner. It is selfish to have children. You basically want to combine yourself with your partner and birth the results into a terrifying world with very little reward for a person anymore. I would want my children to be writers or doctors or scientists. The majority of people are laborers or office workers though and many of us can speak to how "fulfilling" that really is. I hate how most humans are in essence beasts of burden for the rest of the race.

The world isn't like it was in the past with the multitude of opportunities, places to discover, etc. We have discovered everything on land except maybe a few animal species and we have almost filled it all up with people and people-stuff. We practically need to start a moon colony.

I personally think at this point on earth there should be some kind of screening process on who can be parents. You have to get a license to drive but people can pop out complicated little human beings whenever they want? I don't think that is wise. I'm less worried about passing on SA than I am of the people who pass on violent aggression and ignorance to their children.

None of what I said reflects on the OP. If this is your desire then I wish you well and hope you find that guy who is accepting of all that you are and when the time comes and your lives are stable and conducive to a family, you will create one.

P.S. I like the name Soren for a boy.

 

[iamthenra]

I personally think at this point on earth there should be some kind of screening process on who can be parents. You have to get a license to drive but people can pop out complicated little human beings whenever they want? I don't think that is wise.

Love it!!! Maybe an IQ test to see who is fit to have this license to breed... !!!

 

[zlench]

If everybody was to get screened to see who can be parents. I bet everybody on this site would be rejected probably because people with SA and other mental illnesses shouldn't be having children because we are apprantly not fit enough and everybody who has children most be happy and well adjusted.

 

[Pookah]

If everybody was to get screened to see who can be parents. I bet everybody on this site would be rejected probably because people with SA and other mental illnesses shouldn't be having children because we are apprantly not fit enough and everybody who has children most be happy and well adjusted.

It is a double edged sword. On one hand you can probably point out on a daily basis people you know who are going around screwing up their children and making them into the next generation of monsters and on the other somewhere born to unfit parents is the next genius.

 

[Kinetik]

I don't understand why some people here are guilting others into thinking it's wrong to have children. It's everyone's right to reproduce if they want to. Being a good parent has nothing to do with IQ and having any kind of screening process on something that is natural and innate to human survival is absolute lunacy. Overpopulation is not what's destroying the planet. What's destroying the planet is religion, politics, and money.

 

[Rodney]

I don't understand why some people here are guilting others into thinking it's wrong to have children. It's everyone's right to reproduce if they want to. Being a good parent has nothing to do with IQ and having any kind of screening process on something that is natural and innate to human survival is absolute lunacy. Overpopulation is not what's destroying the planet. What's destroying the planet is religion, politics, and money.

I couldn't agree with you more... How is giving life selfish? Sure my life isn't that great but I sure am greatful to my parents for giving me it.... jesssuusssss people, come on!

 

[Lorraine Manca]

The post about overpopulation is a real laugh for me cause i used to live in the middle of no where. there was hardly a soul for miles and miles and miles and miles

 

[Blue Teardrops]

Some are indicating on here that it's not good or rather, it's selfish, to have kids because the earth is overpopulating, and I see exactly the justifications for this argument. But at the same time, I'm not like Michelle Duggar who has 18 kids "and counting." Now, THAT's irresponsible. But to want a child for the sake of having a child and sharing that special bond...there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

The post about overpopulation is a real laugh for me cause i used to live in the middle of no where. there was hardly a soul for miles and miles and miles and miles

Overpopulation doesn't have to do with space. That's a common misconception. It has to do with resources, and the earth only has a limited amount of resources to sustain the human population, which is reaching seven billion in the next few years. We're killing ourselves, but it's not only because of overpopulation, but it's also for our being very irresponsible with our resources and wildlife. I think that responsible, future-thinking, environmentally friendly individuals who are willing to train their children to take care of the earth should be the top pick to be parents (along with being emotionally stable).

 

[Blue Teardrops]

Wrong, overpopulation does destroy the planet too. It takes away resources and there isnt enough for everyone. Just step into the ER, or a school or anywhere and see how crazy it is. Anyway, the whole IQ test to be a parent etc is a joke. But truthfully, this thread didnt really enlighten anyone. Its basically asking people why they want something but without putting thought into it. Most people have children because ts thought to be the right thing to do, but they often dont see the ugly side of it also.

No, I never intended to enlighten people, but I'm glad that people are getting more out of what was just a useless rant at first. Nobody truly cares about me as an individual, but I'm glad that I could spark a deeper discussion. Obviously having kids is a very important issue to a lot of people, especially people who want or have kids.

 

[Pookah]

No, I'm sorry, you can't convince me in this current setting that having kids willy nilly isn't in some way irresponsible given the overpopulation of this planet.

I do not believe life is very worthwhile for a child in the climate of this world either.

There are no natural predators for humans besides disease and ourselves. Animals that are overpopulating an area pose a danger to that area and it is no different with humans who are in fact doing it on a cancer-like scale.

This is a forum and we try to be positive but sometimes you have to discuss the other points of view too.