You will NEVER change

[CeeJay1981]

I believe that we all have an innate 'knowing' that change is possible. The question is whether or not we believe this process to be easy or difficult.

Change is the LAW of the universe. Everything is impermanent and in a constant state of flux. The ONLY reason time we suffer is when we RESIST.

Most of us are basically creatures of resistance. We want more money on one level but, on a deeper level, it somehow feels UNSAFE. What would people think of us if we had more money? How would people treat us? I dont deserve it.

We might desire more energy and enthusiasm on one level but, on a deeper level, we feel UNSAFE. We feel guilty about feeling good when others around us feel bad. We don't want to stand out. We don't want people noticing our sudden change. We therefore, RESIST the very thing that we say we want.

The question is not whether or not we can change or not. The question is how do we REMOVE THE RESISTANCE to being, doing and having all that we want. Then change becomes easy

Something to consider

 

[Ashiene]

That is one of the core teachings of Buddhism. As a Buddhist I am taught that all acts are transient and the reason we suffer is because we oppose the knowledge that all things must change. We hold on to whatever we love, never wanting pleasurable moments to end, but when changes comes, we refuse to let go, and this makes us suffer.

 

[Anubis]

Yea, attachment to pleasure is a trait that traps the soul. Because it tends to make you less likely to pursue the world out of fear that you'll lose the pleasure you already have.

 

[this_portrait]

So true.

When I first started seeing my therapist, I was enthusiastic about changing the way I was.

After being in it for a while, though, and after putting up with a 'friend's' b/s, I started getting really angry and just wanted to crawl in a hole and isolate myself from everyone. I didn't really want to change.

I want to change now, but not because I want to be a social butterfly. I want to change so that I can have better confidence and be more successful. I don't care about friends; I pick and choose who I want as a friend, not the other way around (something that has been so for the longest time).

 

[Nicholas]

The question is how do we REMOVE THE RESISTANCE to being, doing and having all that we want.

Great question. I have been thinking about that today, and I have realized that it's an extremely important point. It could be the answer to very important questions like:
Why are we good at giving other people advice, also optimistic advice, and yet we suck at following it? Why do we know what could help us and what harms us, yet we don't do what's good and avoid what's bad? Why isn't therapy working when we know it has the potential to work well?

The answer might be in your question: we are afraid of changes. I know I am, and I have just realized how much this fear affects whatever I do and prevents me from getting rid of my problems.

 

[206Raider]

yep, afraid to cahnge. Afraid of losing everything that I have left and failing like I always do and lose everything

 

[KevinR]

Good post. When I have to summarize my anxiety of the last few years, it would be 'resistance'. Resistance on all sorts of levels, but most importantly, to feeling emotions that live inside me. My goal nowadays is to not resist those emotions, but to let them flow.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

..........................

 

[melsmood]

I don't believe in change so much as I believe in personal growth and development. I don't believe it is possible to change your innate self, but it is possible to change your perception of the world and how you choose to respond to it.

 

[Jared]

Some good points, but I am confident I am not afraid of having more money because of what people would think of me. I wouldn't give a damn what anybody thought when I could buy their house and make em rent it

Humor aside, this is a great post ceejay1981. I think this describes perectly my obsession with having perfect hair and teeth and skin and eyesight, and I'm only a 21 year old dude. I know what i have will be gone eventually, and I was afraid to admit and so went into the mode that if I maintained perfectly it could defy the cosmos and biology and never lose them. I was trying to resist my mortality.
Not anymore. Ever since I could name my core beliefs (the same ones you talk about in the post with the girl illsuited to talk to men) by examining just what it was I am afraid of and how i expect/want others to treat me, they became less of a threat, and now I have never had a better week in the last 10 years of my life. I've had my first taste of life without anxiety, and it could not be sweeter

 

[CeeJay1981]

I have never had a better week in the last 10 years of my life. I've had my first taste of life without anxiety, and it could not be sweeter

Nice one. I'm glad that I've been able to help you in some way. Keep digging for those limiting beliefs - you'll find them everywhere.

Good luck

 

[doesit]

Yea, attachment to pleasure is a trait that traps the soul. Because it tends to make you less likely to pursue the world out of fear that you'll lose the pleasure you already have.

And this pleasure is anxiety ? i would think we are afraid to change because of the fear to fail while trying.

 

[Lea]

I don't believe in change so much as I believe in personal growth and development. I don't believe it is possible to change your innate self, but it is possible to change your perception of the world and how you choose to respond to it.

Exactly. But still it doesn´t mean, that everybody has the possibility to become a king or gets what he wants if he thinks positively and does the best things he can. If one was born as a slave, if he does the best he can he will become at most the profi slave but never a king, because he just wasn´t dealt this card. By fate or his genes. But maybe to be a king is not really important.