ongoing issues with confidence and women...

lifesnotfair

lifesnotfair

Well-known member
I am so fed up with everything and everything. You know I thought my day was going good, trying to stay upbeat, but my day has gone downhill quite dramatically. I feel like hitting everyone and anyone that comes in my way. I see all these happy people all over the place, I see happy couples having fun and all that shit. Looking at this makes me feel like I am an outcast. An incident today basically backs up that opinion.

At work I was sitting in the lunchroom, basically eating lunch by myself (as usual) a woman came over, sat beside me, then looked at me, then moved across the room. Now granted I am not the greatest looking guy around, but when this happens, it takes the little confidence that I have and flushes it down the toilet.

Now, I have very little confidence in myself, and apparently people don’t think that I am a loser because I don’t have confidence, especially women. But what do you think I should feel when a person looks at me, and then moves way across the room? Does it make you feel good about yourself? No.. it doesn’t. This happens all the time, and I am not sure what I am doing. I don’t smell, I am not deformed in any way, so what the **** gives? I am soooooo tired of even trying to think, I really do give up.

I haven’t posted here for a while, but I just need a place to vent because I am so ****ing upset about this. I just really can’t deal with it anymore.
 
antipop621

antipop621

Well-known member
I hope that cunt dies and when she does you can take a piss on her tombstone.

I know your pain all to well, brother. I just had a sociopathic outbreak with some strangers (girls) because i'm so pissed off at everyone being so happy.
 
K

klytus

Well-known member
I wonder who this situation tells more about, you or the woman involved. In fact, her behaviour was most inappropriate, almost beyond words.

It's likely that she misinterpreted you, or your bodily expressions in that very moment. Is she a regular there, a co-worker, frequenting the lunch-room? If she is, and you know that the likeliness of her not... liking you is kind of high, you can't lose much by asking what the cause of her leaving was. There's no more self-confidence to shatter.

Apart from that, I know very well that the behaviour of people, their demeanour towards me, does not at all depend on my looks. It still pains my confidence when they behave like that, though, which sadly happens often.
 
E

extend

New member
I wouldn't worry too much about that woman. I mean seriously, even if you did have a deformity, that's absolutely ridiculous of her to sit down next to you and then leave. Sounds like a person not worth spending much time worrying about. Move on to someone else.
 
lifesnotfair

lifesnotfair

Well-known member
well one woman, big deal, this happens quite often, i know that i am not giving off any body language from what i can tell, it just seems like this happens all the time.
 
jco3

jco3

Active member
I'm on the same boat with nerves and women. About 30 mins ago, I had to make a call to a friend (that is a girl). While I forced myself to buckle down and actually make the call, it was still unnerving. She didn't notice though, and the phone call wasn't bad at all it was really just the build up. I tend to ruminate way, way, way too much about stupid things, like calling a friend (whom I find pretty, I liked her awhile ago, not really anymore, not my type.) The call was short and sweet. Yet when it was over I felt triumphant, like I had just scaled mount Everest. I even let out a howl while doing my best Tiger fist pump impersonation... Lame.
 
zharl

zharl

Well-known member
If I may offer my own opinion, this sounds awfully familiar...yet there may be something that you might be missing: specifically your own perception. With this kind of anxiety, I've noticed that I tend to over-analyze situations and read far too much into things. You may be so worried that people have certain perceptions about you, that you project these feelings upon them whether they actually feel it or not. You sound very sensitive (I say this because I see the same thing in myself) and you may be taking peoples actions a little too personally. I've found that once I'd learned to relax, others seem to as well, and my whole position about the world changed. However, I may be entirely wrong, and you could be surrounded by jerks, but, because of my extreme arrogance, I highly doubt that. ;-)

Getting through this is no easy process, but once you gain the confidence to feel a bit more comfortable with yourself--I say a bit because it seems impossible to be fully comfortable--things will get easier; I wish I could give you a road map or something to help you find your way, but I don't really know how I've gotten to where I have today. Oh well, my sense of direction has always been off anyway. But I digress, as cliche as this may sound, try not to lose hope. Dealing with women gets easier if you have some work friends, so I'd recommend forming friendly connections with people before goin' after the dames. I don't know what kind of work you do, but work is always an easy topic to start a conversation about. Do you have anyone you work with? Any acquaintances? I'd focus on finding someone to talk to during lunch, rather than waiting for someone to find you. Yet, I realize how difficult it is to approach people so, I'd recommend bringing something to do. For instance, I know how to play various types of solitaire, and that always seems to be a conversation starter, and, who knows, maybe I can even start a two person or three person game. So, if I were you, I'd bring a deck of cards. However, that's what I know how to do. Find something you enjoy, and if you find someone else who enjoys it, your lunches will at least become a bit more tolerable.
 
lifesnotfair

lifesnotfair

Well-known member
well i am just really not sure what to do, if all females are doing this, how am i suppose to get the confidence up to talk to them... :(
 
zharl

zharl

Well-known member
That's the thing, you're focusing too much on the opposite sex. Take it one step at a time, man. Before you can start dating, you need some friendships. Try not to set your sights to high. And who knows, someone with similar interests may come to you, if you let people see what they are...in a way that is appropriate for the workplace, of course. ;)
 
lifesnotfair

lifesnotfair

Well-known member
i know, but really, i get sooo lonely sometimes, that it makes me so depressed, i feel so desperate. when these types of things happen (which is common) i feel more of a shut out and a loser.. so its a vicious circle for me
 
zharl

zharl

Well-known member
I here ya brother. I've been there many a-time. Made high school absolutely miserable for me. I had no friends whatsoever...
 
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