Do guys like girls for non-look associated reasons?

Here's my experience as a guy.

I can't help it, when I get a crush on a girl (like 1 on 10000) I start getting that weird feeling that I'm like her. It's like looking at myself in a strange mirror. That's such a narcissistic thing to say. And don't go around acting all "unfeminine", "ungirly" and all adult like with a heart full of confidence and a brain full of intelligence and seriousness with a clothing style that I like, you just gonna make things worst.

From another point of view, sexuality alone doesn't define a human being. We all have a few androgynous parts in our mind. We don't have to be two people of the opposite sex to sit and enjoy a nice intelligent conversation about this or that, or talk about what's happening in our life. The me liking having a nice conversation with a woman doesn't have anything to do with me wanting to have sex. It's about that sensual pleasure I get from looking at a beautiful woman. It feels so good, just thinking about it bring tears to my eyes.

I wont lie looks play a part but overall its not that important,all the girsl I liked werent the most beautiful around and I liked them more because of their style,smile and personality.

I don't know if it's just me but your post sounds a bit vain. Granted maybe you just have a nice personality but the way you sound I completely don't understand the hype? I mean call me a b*tch but sometimes, most times that's just how guys are. It's very nice though that you think gaining a few pounds or wearing less make up will make you unattractive. You should think about rephrasing your words for the rest of the women who feel the opposite of you, who might have a few pounds extra or don't wear a lot of makeup. I'm sure you just bumped their self esteem down in order to "understand" yourself.

Most of the time the first thing you notice about a girl is going to be her looks, why wouldn't it be if you don't know them? But, I will tell you that looks aren't everything, the girls that I've liked and had good relationships with weren't girls that I immediatly thought were the hottest thing ever, don't give me wrong they were attractive and after getting to know them I thought they looked even better, and vice versa, I thought some girls were the most attractive girls on the planet then after getting to know them I couldn't help but look at them like the ugliest bitches on the planet. Looks go away when you get older, I'm young now but I would never be with or marry a girl just for her looks. I want to be with a girl who I have fun with and we understand eachother. Its the personality that makes me really like them, that other **** is lust not love, it's really not important.

Krista said:

I don't know if it's just me but your post sounds a bit vain. Granted maybe you just have a nice personality but the way you sound I completely don't understand the hype? I mean call me a b*tch but sometimes, most times that's just how guys are. It's very nice though that you think gaining a few pounds or wearing less make up will make you unattractive. You should think about rephrasing your words for the rest of the women who feel the opposite of you, who might have a few pounds extra or don't wear a lot of makeup. I'm sure you just bumped their self esteem down in order to "understand" yourself.

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I can see what you are saying, you’re right to say your opposite. Low self-esteem can surface it’s head in many forms. Sometimes people can appear to be overly confident but deep down they really have the worst self- esteem imaginable. On one end of the scale: some people may seem overly obsessed with their appearance and it can comes across as vain but really they hate the way they look and that’s why they give it so much attention, but low self- esteem can also cause you not to put in any time and effort into yourself. They're polar opposites but they still fall under the same umbrella.

Sometimes, it really is just arrogance but since this is sp world I assume it’s an esteem issue.

I don’t believe you’re a bitch, I do however think guys do need a bit more maturity about themselves before they approach girls like you. Just remember when you are feeling bad. There’s the settling down type of girls and the girls they just want to… The girls they just want to… usually get approached first before they learn all their lessons. Some guys already have that maturity before having to play the field as they say. You just have to be patient for the right guy.

I'm genuinely nice to everyone. Male or Female it doesn't matter. If I like a girl romantically and want to get in her pants then lay it on thick...I like working for it and when I get in her pants then mission accomplished.

Theres not going to be a real romantic connection without some kind of appreciation for each other's physical attributes. That said, personality and who the person is is what really matters.

But even as a virgin I know enough about relationships from friends to know that there has got to be some attraction/sexual component to your chemistry in order for a relationship to be viable. If theres not, you're just friends. I want my SO when I finally meet her to be my best friend, but I also recognize part of being in an intimate relationship is that we will be lovers. So I have to attracted to her sexually, even if thats not the main thing I like about her. Which it shouldn't be.

Kat said:

I can see what you are saying, you’re right to say your opposite. Low self-esteem can surface it’s head in many forms. Sometimes people can appear to be overly confident but deep down they really have the worst self- esteem imaginable. On one end of the scale: some people may seem overly obsessed with their appearance and it can comes across as vain but really they hate the way they look and that’s why they give it so much attention, but low self- esteem can also cause you not to put in any time and effort into yourself. They're polar opposites but they still fall under the same umbrella.

Sometimes, it really is just arrogance but since this is sp world I assume it’s an esteem issue.

I don’t believe you’re a bitch, I do however think guys do need a bit more maturity about themselves before they approach girls like you. Just remember when you are feeling bad. There’s the settling down type of girls and the girls they just want to… The girls they just want to… usually get approached first before they learn all their lessons. Some guys already have that maturity before having to play the field as they say. You just have to be patient for the right guy.

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I wasn't necessarily referring to me but girls who don't feel as confident with themselves because of "a couple pounds or not wearing enough makeup" read stuff like that, could feel worse about themselves. I understand that she probably doesn't feel the prettiest even though she could be or probably is. It sounds like she has an obvious knowledge that's she's attractive or at the most likeable, it's just being empathetic towards others and phrasing your words right.

As for guys, I find that that's just how they are. If they're not mature enough to handle themselves they feel the best route is to put it on really thick. I wouldn't say that I'm picky because I don't feel like I have the option to be considering I'm not the prettiest but I do know what I want and have no problem waiting for what I deserve. I ignore the guys that can't come straight with me. I have no time for arrogant and over excessive guys.

Krista said:

I wasn't necessarily referring to me but girls who don't feel as confident with themselves because of "a couple pounds or not wearing enough makeup" read stuff like that, could feel worse about themselves. I understand that she probably doesn't feel the prettiest even though she could be or probably is. It sounds like she has an obvious knowledge that's she's attractive or at the most likeable, it's just being empathetic towards others and phrasing your words right..

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That’s very true.

Krista said:

As for guys, I find that that's just how they are. If they're not mature enough to handle themselves they feel the best route is to put it on really thick. I wouldn't say that I'm picky because I don't feel like I have the option to be considering I'm not the prettiest but I do know what I want and have no problem waiting for what I deserve. I ignore the guys that can't come straight with me. I have no time for arrogant and over excessive guys.

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It’s hard being in a relationship with low-self worth because it conflicts with your own inner beliefs about yourself and can cause a-lot of doubt and make us think "how can this person possibly like me?" " And why do they like me?" For some people they feel all they have to offer is their looks, and others feel well I am not that pretty, and others think I have nothing to offer and this list goes on as to what we may think we are lacking.

Yep, you should always be picky regardless of how you feel about yourself but not too picky to the point you miss out on something great just because you don’t feel good enough. Most of us have that logic and reasoning behind us but don't actually put into practice the part, to go for someone great despite how you feel about yourself.

We all have our baggage in life that we have to deal with and it does take a toll on a relationship from time to time especially when you have doubts behind the reasoning of why a person likes you. We all need reassurance in this life no matter how much we may deny it and say we don’t need or want anyone. If I didn’t have my man in my corner, I wouldn’t have been able to do some of the things I have done since I met him. I never thought I would ever be in a relationship because of how I am but it has defiantly benefited me in a positive way and that alone proves to me that it is necessary to find companionship in life. No, it’s not a magical cure where all your problems will go away once you have someone but it definitely helps to know someone loves you and will help you through the emotional roller costar of life. Sometimes the culprit for some of the problems to the relationship is ourselves and our doubts but like I said all relationships have their problems but problems exist being on your own as well, it’s just a matter of who you chose to do that song and dance with.

Like most have said on here. Looks are usually what gets a guys attention but what makes them stay is who you are. And if they do leave it’s one step closer to "Mr. right! "

Absolutely! Looks are secondary at best, looks are nice, but for a real person wanting a real relationship, it really doesn't matter. I know if I like a girl within a few days, and I think that's quite normal, I'm talking to a girl right now that intrigued me instantly with her personality, and the more I talk to her, the more I realize that I really like her, sometimes there just isn't enough time to become best friends, I say don't worry about the friendship, the better the friend, the harder the romance (unless a friendship is all you want, then you should let the other person know to avoid hurting them) But there is a lot of jerks who are looking for one thing, and one thing only, don't let them get you down, there's plenty of good guys out there who are willing to work on the friendship first, just wait for one of them to come along, I'm sure one will!

flakeybark said:

By wearing makeup and trying to look good you're setting yourself up as something that is to be looked at so maybe you should start there instead of blaming other people.

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whoooah

Step into reality here and look at the TV. Look at magazines. Sorry i have to sound predictable..

Im just doing what i can...
Now im blaming people?? Since when?? Siiigh : (

If girls aren't supposed to be hot (because they're asking for it if they are) and they're not supposed to be ugly (i dont need to explain that one) ... well you know where im going with that.

Do you follow my logic at all
I dont care if i sound outdated.

I am just trying to point you in a reasonable direction. Don't tell me its my fault for trying.. Thats outrageous....

Kat said:

I can see what you are saying, you’re right to say your opposite. Low self-esteem can surface it’s head in many forms. Sometimes people can appear to be overly confident but deep down they really have the worst self- esteem imaginable. On one end of the scale: some people may seem overly obsessed with their appearance and it can comes across as vain but really they hate the way they look and that’s why they give it so much attention, but low self- esteem can also cause you not to put in any time and effort into yourself. They're polar opposites but they still fall under the same umbrella.

Sometimes, it really is just arrogance but since this is sp world I assume it’s an esteem issue.

I don’t believe you’re a bitch, I do however think guys do need a bit more maturity about themselves before they approach girls like you. Just remember when you are feeling bad. There’s the settling down type of girls and the girls they just want to… The girls they just want to… usually get approached first before they learn all their lessons. Some guys already have that maturity before having to play the field as they say. You just have to be patient for the right guy.

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If you guys take offense sorry, I didnt mean it that way.

jeez simmer down ._.
i asked a question i never attacked anyone.

I know what your saying but your words were poor, it left it open for people to assume bad things like your stuck up. I wouldn't know so I don't really care. But, you really shouldn't complain that too many people like you. You might not always get the right attention but it's better than the people who get no attention at all. I'm not piling on you either, try dressing like a librarian or something if you don't already it may help lol.

Kat said:

That’s very true.




It’s hard being in a relationship with low-self worth because it conflicts with your own inner beliefs about yourself and can cause a-lot of doubt and make us think "how can this person possibly like me?" " And why do they like me?" For some people they feel all they have to offer is their looks, and others feel well I am not that pretty, and others think I have nothing to offer and this list goes on as to what we may think we are lacking.

Yep, you should always be picky regardless of how you feel about yourself but not too picky to the point you miss out on something great just because you don’t feel good enough. Most of us have that logic and reasoning behind us but don't actually put into practice the part, to go for someone great despite how you feel about yourself.

We all have our baggage in life that we have to deal with and it does take a toll on a relationship from time to time especially when you have doubts behind the reasoning of why a person likes you. We all need reassurance in this life no matter how much we may deny it and say we don’t need or want anyone. If I didn’t have my man in my corner, I wouldn’t have been able to do some of the things I have done since I met him. I never thought I would ever be in a relationship because of how I am but it has defiantly benefited me in a positive way and that alone proves to me that it is necessary to find companionship in life. No, it’s not a magical cure where all your problems will go away once you have someone but it definitely helps to know someone loves you and will help you through the emotional roller costar of life. Sometimes the culprit for some of the problems to the relationship is ourselves and our doubts but like I said all relationships have their problems but problems exist being on your own as well, it’s just a matter of who you chose to do that song and dance with.

Like most have said on here. Looks are usually what gets a guys attention but what makes them stay is who you are. And if they do leave it’s one step closer to "Mr. right! "

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Everytime I start feeling for someone I get spooked. Reassurance is nice. That's Why I hope to find someone to be my best friend. I am still pretty new to romances. I've never fallen hard and dated anyone accept for 1 boy when i was still young. There was another recent guy though I should ( not) have dated him. There was no chemistry.

It sucks though. I feel like im getting further away from making a decision at all. I always feel okay alone until I realize im such a goofball under it all. Most guys wouldn't know what to do with me...... The only one that did is gone now.

Sorry if it sounds overly pessimistic. Im just disoriented by time. I dont know why im such a fatalist. Im lucky i get joy out of the little things in life.

206Raider said:

I know what your saying but your words were poor, it left it open for people to assume bad things like your stuck up. I wouldn't know so I don't really care. But, you really shouldn't complain that too many people like you. You might not always get the right attention but it's better than the people who get no attention at all. I'm not piling on you either, try dressing like a librarian or something if you don't already it may help lol.

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Gah =(


People dont really "like" me a lot though. Im too quiet..

Huh? I've never heard that word..."fatalist". Is it like cynicism?

I'm not sure how old you are....but lots of guys are just after sex. And will do whatever it takes to get it....being nice to you, getting you things, saying they like you, etc.

But there are some guys who really do like you for you...and it can be in a very short period of time. My hubby knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me after 1 week of dating.

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ALL guys are after sex, dear. Including that hubby of your's. The same is true with girls. Guys are just more honest and open about it, as another person "sort-of" already said.

I know some scientific studies done on human pheromone exchange has shown promise in the last few years. But I will always believe modern Man finds a mate based solely on outward appearances. The eyes DO have it, as they say.

We are sexual beings. Once our bodies are ready for valid procreative action, we begin to hunger for sex as regularly as we hunger for food or water. And no we may not die if we never have sex, but we aren't as healthy, that's for sure.:: Some of you know what I am talking about. Nature wants all its creatures to contribute to the circle of life. When one doesn't, for whatever reason, they are eventually weeded out. So, that said, sex is pretty important to people, no matter how they put on their pants.

As for the issue at hand, you're a pretty girl. In the world we live in, there you go. If you do not like the attention you get, and I understand how you feel, maybe you should hide your outward appearance from the opposing sex. It's creepy to have complete strangers always talking to you and being nice with pretense so thick you can whack it with a stick! Personally, I think what you're after is truth. The real stuff. You want someone to cross your path that actually is willing to look beyond your pretty looks and see the pretty person on the inside. Am I close here?

My advice on that, do what most people do. Find someone just as "most" as you, then try with them. I mean you don't see supermodels dating computer analysts, right? And you don't see any conservative librarians having hot nights on the town with Chipendales, either. You gotta find your kindred, you know???? When you do, THAT kind of person will be able to look beyond the outward stuff because they walk a similar path. Then it will be like that brilliant Miss Kitty said earlier...what makes them stay is who you are.

Best of luck to ya, yuletide.

PS-EDIT: Forgot something! Hiding your looks is one thing. Ruining your body because of what others think would be stupid! So don't do that.

Dub16 said:

If all guys are just after sex then I mustnt be a guy at all.

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Do you want sex with anyone? There are such things as asexuals, you know. But nature offs them, so it's not good to be one of those.

If you don't believe me, go check out the stats on how many women die of reproductive organ cancer who DON'T have children. And don't get me started on the suicide rate of men who don't have love in their lives. I'm telling you, it's true mate.

EDIT; I wanted to mention too, that I have had several female friends who I never was intimate with, also. I'm point before was simply that heterosexual guys want sex with girls, but so do heterosexual girls with the guys. There is, unfortunately, a double standard that exists in our society that allows men to be overly-open about their sexual desires and behaviors, but if women do the same they are regarded as whores or strumpets.:: That's why guys are found more guilty of this stuff than girls are. This is not fair, and really it's just wrong because no one, no matter their sex, should treat others like pieces of meat.

Yes I want to have sex. Its just meaningless to me unless its with that person.

Although I really wanted to adopt kids, as opposed to having my own. Hm. ;(
I cannot find any statistics.

You need to find a clear understanding of what you want in a guy, instead of trying to become what you think is ideal for them. After all, you want to attract a guy based on being yourself. You will never be at peace in a relationship if you’re not being yourself.

Being yourself doesn’t mean you can’t dress up, it may attract guys that are only interested in your looks but not dressing up can do the same thing. It just depends what they are attracted to.
I guess it depends on the type of guy you want to attract. If you’re a person that dresses up mostly and enjoy it then you should do that because that’s what you do but if you’re a person that like to dress plainly or in between that’s what you should do.

No one can tell you who you are, just hang in there, and eventually you will find him.