Complete inaction + desire = hell !!!

Bronson99

Well-known member
So I've had things I've wanted to do for at least 15 years now. So I'm now 32, and the only thing I've done with these desires--dreaming and hoping--counts for nothing. I'm either dreaming about what I want, or hoping I will get lucky and it will just happen with little-to-no effort. But I cannot act.

At the risk of derailing the thread into controversy and sounding like a broken record, this time I will *not* discuss what it is I'm looking for.

But here's the major problem: I find I cannot push myself into action, because taking action is SO painful for me, and so fraught with peril, is it even worth it? These things I want are complicated and have serious risks attached to them, and I fear I could be seriously hurt by trying and failing. This is just the reality of the extremely fragile state of my emotional mind. Think of a child's emotional state and use the comparison of a radio that has no knob for volume, but four settings instead. The settings are: extremely low, low, high, or extremely high. I have no middle setting, and no way to adjust volume smoothly in an appropriate manner; and the settings can change quickly.

It bothers me to no end that the "normal" person with normal neurology can handle these things I want. That's not to say they can't be hurt, but what bothers me is, they take it all for granted! These things I want are so complex, and yet normal people act like they are entitled to these things!

But I'm not a normal person--I'm someone who isn't good at anything. Normal people can get things done, while I cannot. I'm defective and worthless.

At what point in life should one realize I should destroy all hope of anything I want, and at what point should I believe that inaction reflects actual ability? At what point should I believe I'm just too defective to handle it and just head back into the corner with my imaginary friends, and sit there alone for the rest of my life?

I really need some help here, I'm getting more depressed by the day, and nobody online seems to care. It doesn't help that nobody here or elsewhere offers me optimism, but instead, I get more of this "I've had your pain before and I solved it by giving up!" There must be another way!
 

Odo

Banned
Please don't take this as an insult, but you seem to be posting the same thread over and over again.

The reason you can't do anything well is because you spend all of your time beating yourself up or obsessing over things you can't change instead of doing something to make yourself feel better. I'm sure you have issues but I'm doubtful that they could possibly be as melodramatically enormous as you're making them. Maybe part of the reason that nobody cares is that no matter how much advice they give you, it's never enough... and people have enough problems of their own and it's a consideration that they would even briefly try to deal with yours, especially when you're so resistant to being helped and would prefer to just tell everyone that it's impossible and you're hopeless, etc.

Your biggest problem seems to be that you're actively looking for a reason to completely and permanently given up on yourself-- but you can't, because you know that things aren't as bad as you want them to be and that you're quite capable of having the kind of life you want if only you knew where to begin.

You should do something to get your endorphins going-- go for a run, climb a mountain, go for an extremely long walk.... all of the thinking and isolation is messing with your mind.

I honestly don't have any answers for you and I'm pretty sure that noone else does either, but if you want to help yourself maybe you could think of yourself as a really disgustingly dirty house that needs to be cleaned... and yes, it looks hopeless and it feels like you'll never get it clean, but it's always possible to break it into spaces and say 'well, first I'm going to clean that room, then tomorrow the other room, and then another room after that'... and suddenly it becomes a lot of smaller jobs that don't seem so hopelessly impossible.

It would also help if you stopped adding to the mess at every given opportunity.
 
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Bronson99

Well-known member
It also doesn't help, Odo, when nobody cares or understands what Executive Dysfunction is. It also doesn't help when no one here has inattentive ADD. Inattentive ADD causes executive dysfunction, and vice versa. These disorders prevent you from planning and executing, basically you can get nothing done besides theory. Turning theory into practice does not work for someone with executive dysfunction.

I am in serious need of medication for ADD, and have been for years. Only problem is, I already take a medication for social anxiety, and I truly feel that taking 2 psychiatric medications at the same time is a dangerous and destructive thing to do.

I really don't know what to do. I do exercise, it helps mood but little else. Exercise doesn't help me to "get anything going." I think perhaps the only way forward from here is to do something for ADD/executive dysfunction, and the only option for that is medication, and so on.... and on and on it goes.

And you know what? I don't believe many people understand, or believe, the concept of having more than one psychiatric problem. I don't mean Social Phobia with Avoidant PD. I mean social anxiety with a developmental disorder. If any of you folks believe social anxiety is an island, you're wrong. In rare cases, it may occur simply because of being teased or rejected, and the person is otherwise fully functional. In many cases, it is strongly linked with developmental disorders, ADD and Asperger's among them.
 

Bronson99

Well-known member
This is why I don't like this forum. I spend an hour trying to release an oceanic surge of emotion in my posts, hoping someone cares. But no one replies!

I think people with social anxiety and loneliness need attention, and I can't even find it here.
 

Odo

Banned
Maybe you could stop making threads about yourself and try to think about what other people might be interested in. Or you could pretend to be a girl and hint that you're pretty so everyone would want to comfort you.
 

Hoppy

Well-known member
I think that if you are looking for an outpouring of love and support on a forum where most people have difficulty making a simple post you are looking in the wrong place.

I have sympathy for you, yes.

Can I help you? Not really.

If your desire to do things is not big enough to get you into action, maybe it is the wrong desire?

Other than that, my only recommendation is small goals and small steps. And yes, it takes time, it will take a few months/years. But it is better than doing nothing.
 

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
But I'm not a normal person--I'm someone who isn't good at anything. Normal people can get things done, while I cannot. I'm defective and worthless.

It's not that people don't care, it's just difficult to help someone who thinks that people who offers advice don't understand how desperate your situation is. The only way to get something done is to focus on it and nothing else until it's over and done, and the only way to get good at something is to do it over and over and over again, for YEARS. If you say there is absolutely no way that you can achieve that because of your condition, then there isn't much more I can say to you except I hope you can get some professional help...
 

Richey

Well-known member
You can do it!! It's easy!!

Nothing is stopping you practicing the skills you want to learn. Your mind is resisting it because of belief issues that are attached to things that happened in the past. The past is over and the future doesn't exist yet.

So first you want to choose what you want to do first off, requires a firm decision based on what you truly want. Perhaps take the myers briggs test and do some soul searching. Study, learn an instrument, start a project, a business, learn to draw. Whatever it is. You can do it.

Nothing is stopping you accept your own mind. Nothing is forcing you not to work at what you want.

Also. It is easy. Living how you want to is easy. It is also easy to live the life you don't want. Either way is easy. It's a decision and it requires you to spend a week doing the opposite of what you are currently doing. Because you are living in a cycled pattern of learnt behaviours, you can unwind that by just deciding that you will practice changing it each day. That is easy. Succeeding is easy. But living a life you don't want is also easy. It's just become a habit that you feel stuck in. But you aren't stuck in at all. It's just your decisions need to change and then you got to practice.

The first thing to do before anything is to exercise and eat fruit. This will give you the energy to begin changing your lifestyle. Exercising will give you the energy and electricity to do the things you want.

Then plan what you want to achieve.

Then practice them each day. (This is hard at first). But you would feel so much better.

Remember that nothing is difficult. Most people achieve things by learning things that other people have been doing for centuries etc. It's just the trying bit that you need to practice.

It's the practicing part. Don't get lost in your own mind and thoughts. Practice, Practice, Practice.

Also, what is the point of thinking negatively?? Nothing. It is a choice that has become habit. Try thinking positively about everything, even if it's a bit unrealistic, The importance of thinking positively is that it can open many doors and ideas in your head, where as negative thoughts completely evaporates thoughts and ideas. So thinking "So I don't remember their name, but it was a few years back, i'll go through all the letters of the alphabet, a..b..c..d, oh that's their name!!!" instead of a negative thought such as... "I can't remember", so the thought just ends. Thinking positively and with interest opens the doors to information in your head. Even if it seems to be delusions of grandeur or unrealistic. Thinking positively leads to solutions and opportunities. Thinking negatively does absolutely nothing for people. It simply ends your thought and then you feel sad and sorry. And so if you aren't busy then you will just spend hours pondering and being miserable. That's why keeping busy is also really important.

If you truly keep busy then you won't have time to worry about much.

But I'm not a normal person--I'm someone who isn't good at anything. Normal people can get things done, while I cannot. I'm defective and worthless.

This is what I mean. You are feeding beliefs into your mind that doesn't involve interest of solution. So that sentence you used just ends at "defective and worthless". So..Full Stop. That's it. This gives you no room for a solution or for belief to fix the issue.

Remember. It is just as easy to feed yourself negative beliefs as it is more useful beliefs. But the useful beliefs is what is going to help you out.

Next time you get negative thoughts coming in. Change them. Reverse them. Rewind the tape and override them with better messages. Or do this. Say ......"Hang on.....I don't really mean that. I can do this, it is possible, I am capable".

But don't just do it once or twice. Do it everytime you get unhelpful thoughts. That's the only way you can really fix the problem. And it is easy. But you have to decide to practice doing it. Just like you have to decide to practice the things you want to achieve. <--- (This is really important to practice). You have to be mindful to practice it. Always in the moment so that you catch yourself each time your thoughts are hurting you. In order for you to override them. But if you TRULY practice doing it, It will work and your life will get better all the time.

By the way. If making mistakes is what is stopping you. Just enjoy making mistakes. Because it is all part of learning. In fact making mistakes can be good because it is the normal part of building things. Trial and error. Practice, Practice, Practice.

It doesn't have to be perfect. Perfection is silly. Just enjoy doing it.
 
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Bronson99

Well-known member
...If your desire to do things is not big enough to get you into action, maybe it is the wrong desire?

It is big enough to get me into action, but I am stopped by an innate difficulty with the task at hand, it does not come natural for me at all. Then, you have potential consequences.
 

Bronson99

Well-known member
Maybe you could stop making threads about yourself and try to think about what other people might be interested in.

Erm.. I'm not sure I get it. Are you suggesting I write more straightforward threads with less self-loathing? If so, I can understand that, and I'm sorry if these recent posts offended anyone.
 

jaim38

Well-known member
But here's the major problem: I find I cannot push myself into action, because taking action is SO painful for me, and so fraught with peril, is it even worth it? These things I want are complicated and have serious risks attached to them, and I fear I could be seriously hurt by trying and failing.

Yeah, I know what you mean. Until I came back home, I spent almost my entire life pushing myself into action, a lot. I joined 5-6 different clubs in high school, took expensive SAT prep course, loaded my schedule with advanced placement classes, volunteer at a Christian store, volunteered at several hospitals, etc. And in college, I also changed majors a lot, because I want to try out all possibilities and see which ones fit me better. enrolled in nursing assistant course, picketed a circus for animal abuse, and joined a Christian organization.

In other words, I was a big Doer, very active and not lazy at all. Must have spent (or rather, wasted) thousands of dollars going to different cities and changing schools. So, the big question is, did all this effort pay off? Fast forward to many years later. I am living at my parents' house as a shut-in otaku. I have maybe 2-3 friends left. I am unemployed, still in college, and kinda broke.

Now, I don't really make an effort to do things anymore. I just don't know if my efforts will pay off. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't so rash at doing things. What scares me is I might get myself into some deep sh*t that is so difficult to crawl out of, which has happened before.
 

Bronson99

Well-known member
Yeah, I know what you mean. Until I came back home, I spent almost my entire life pushing myself into action, a lot. I joined 5-6 different clubs in high school, took expensive SAT prep course, loaded my schedule with advanced placement classes, volunteer at a Christian store, volunteered at several hospitals, etc. And in college, I also changed majors a lot, because I want to try out all possibilities and see which ones fit me better. enrolled in nursing assistant course, picketed a circus for animal abuse, and joined a Christian organization.

In other words, I was a big Doer, very active and not lazy at all. Must have spent (or rather, wasted) thousands of dollars going to different cities and changing schools. So, the big question is, did all this effort pay off? Fast forward to many years later. I am living at my parents' house as a shut-in otaku. I have maybe 2-3 friends left. I am unemployed, still in college, and kinda broke.

Now, I don't really make an effort to do things anymore. I just don't know if my efforts will pay off. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't so rash at doing things. What scares me is I might get myself into some deep sh*t that is so difficult to crawl out of, which has happened before.

What you said just doesn't seem possible. I have never met one person who was very active and very gifted to just retreat into anxiety and shyness, locking themselves away. Confident people who do well in school, who try everything, do not become broken. At least, it's extremely rare.

And I don't think you understand my problem. My problem with the big things is big (I'm awful at school and will never try it again), but with the little things, its also big.

Little things as in saying something besides "hi" to a girl. I find I can't do it, because I can't deal with the potential consequences: what if I can't make conversation? Then I'll be seen as weird. And I don't want to be seen as weird or creepy.

So there I am again, banging my head against the wall. I really don't think anyone understands!
 

Blueborn

Well-known member
I have ADD either, so I can relate to the OP quite much. The problem with it, is that the typical "Practice, and you'll get better" doesn't really work, because a lot of learned things just can't get executed properly. I experience that every day at the most b**** activities, where I can have huge difficulties, although being confronted with them for years. The more subconscious focus is needed, especially fine motorics, the harder things get, no matter how long trained, that's at least my experience for years now.
The few things that really helped me so far were ever aimed at getting me into a better mindset, trying to ignore it or to overcome the weaknesses by "practice" ever seemed like fighting against windmills to me.
 

jaim38

Well-known member
What you said just doesn't seem possible. I have never met one person who was very active and very gifted to just retreat into anxiety and shyness, locking themselves away. Confident people who do well in school, who try everything, do not become broken. At least, it's extremely rare.

And I don't think you understand my problem. My problem with the big things is big (I'm awful at school and will never try it again), but with the little things, its also big.

Little things as in saying something besides "hi" to a girl. I find I can't do it, because I can't deal with the potential consequences: what if I can't make conversation? Then I'll be seen as weird. And I don't want to be seen as weird or creepy.

So there I am again, banging my head against the wall. I really don't think anyone understands!

I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. What I was trying to say is I used to have an active lifestyle but now I don't see the point of it. I don't consider myself very gifted. I have to try harder than my peers, spending all nighters to study for tests and all. But ultimately, all this effort results in no fruit so I'm back to square one. Now, when opportunities come, such as job fairs and job opportunities, I find myself not taking advantage of them. I also go out of my way to avoid people.
 

Bronson99

Well-known member
I have ADD either, so I can relate to the OP quite much. The problem with it, is that the typical "Practice, and you'll get better" doesn't really work, because a lot of learned things just can't get executed properly. I experience that every day at the most b**** activities, where I can have huge difficulties, although being confronted with them for years. The more subconscious focus is needed, especially fine motorics, the harder things get, no matter how long trained, that's at least my experience for years now.
The few things that really helped me so far were ever aimed at getting me into a better mindset, trying to ignore it or to overcome the weaknesses by "practice" ever seemed like fighting against windmills to me.

This is why medication for ADD has become a must. But I won't take it until I get off another medication, which I've been on for more than 10 years.

Who wants to be on two psychiatric meds? Not me, at least.

And for those who still don't get it: if you have ADD and/or learning problems, practice will not fix all your problems.

I think you should all copy that down or recite it, the best it can do is help expand your sense of empathy for those people who "just don't do anything right," the worst it can do is nothing.
 

Bronson99

Well-known member
I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. What I was trying to say is I used to have an active lifestyle but now I don't see the point of it. I don't consider myself very gifted. I have to try harder than my peers, spending all nighters to study for tests and all. But ultimately, all this effort results in no fruit so I'm back to square one. Now, when opportunities come, such as job fairs and job opportunities, I find myself not taking advantage of them. I also go out of my way to avoid people.

You know, lost souls can help one another. Send a PM if interested
 
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