Came back from probably appearing very rude to a neighbor

goldatom

Well-known member
A little rant.

Just now I went to take the elevator up and some people were moving in. The gentleman moving in (I presume) kept looking at me and I kept looking at the display waiting for the elevator, and probably made a face. Then I walked away hurriedly and took the steps themselves.

I must have come across as very rude. My past including my childhood is littered with such incidents more or less (much more since I had a nervous breakdown in my late teenage).

My psychologist tried to teach me socially acceptable behavior (like greeting people) back then, but I only ended up having a nervous breakdown trying to practice it. And here I am now, worse off than before.

Sometimes I feel like a social dyslexic.
 

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
It's pretty normal not to talk to a stranger on an elevator or when you're about to get in one. If this guy kept looking at you, he was the one being rude. Really, this is not something you should feel bad about at all. :)
 

goldatom

Well-known member
Haha thanks, maybe you're right. I am never entirely sure about social rules.

One time a psychiatrist told me that I want everyone to be like me, but instead I should adjust to the 30% or 50% ways in which people are different from me. That's the part a lot of us here are struggling with.
 

nicole1

Well-known member
I learned some of my social manners but beyond hi and bye, I don't know what to say to some b/c I do sound weird or I bore some with the content of my conversation. I'm not the in type of person, I don't know anything about trends. I just know tv, books I like, some movies that interest me, my style is my style, a bit of history, politics, and some recent news events. Other than that, I'll be a bore to more folks my age and some older folks that act my age or just have a sense of...conversation skills. I rarely had friends in school... Finding friends was they hardest but I managed to find some either like me or really nice and understanding.
I understand and speaking to people.....is hard. I start off with, I like your hair or conversation about the weather or if I hear a political debate, I sometimes step in and give my own piece of opinion. Beyond that, I'm useless.
 

nicole1

Well-known member
Haha thanks, maybe you're right. I am never entirely sure about social rules.

One time a psychiatrist told me that I want everyone to be like me, but instead I should adjust to the 30% or 50% ways in which people are different from me. That's the part a lot of us here are struggling with.

Yea, lol. I kinda struggle with that last part. I'm not very accepting to some character flaws in friends or family. Idk why.
But hey, you're not alone on this one...
 

Nanita

Well-known member
I have behaved mean/arrogant many many times. Mostly it´s because I´m so nervous and have low self confidence. Other times it´s because I´m not interested in that specific person at that specific moment...
Well, I wish I could be more relaxed and open.
 

ksuyefd

Member
It is a bad side effect of social phobia to sometimes appear rude and arrogant when that is certainly not the intention.
However I think in your incident you probably did not come across as rude. It is like NathanielWingatePeaslee pointed out, totally socially acceptable not to talk to strangers in those kind of scenarios. Furthermore the gentleman in the elevator will most definately not give this incident much thought (most likely none at all) and so should you.
 

Nanita

Well-known member
I think it also depends on what country/society you live in.
In my country, it´s normal to be quiet and not having any contact with people who happen to live in the same building.
Some places I travelled to, people have much more contact with each other, even if they don´t know each other.
 

ksuyefd

Member
Yeah I totally agree that it varies, depending on what country you come from and other variables such as size of the building, is it a big city, have you seen that person before etc.
 
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Aussie_Lad

Well-known member
Elevators are great for socializing once you are on them.
You can say almost anything you like and the other person can't escape easily so they are kind of forced to respond. However you know that the trip won't last long, so it is easy to end the conversation quickly (as long as they are going to a different floor) and there is no rudeness about doing so.
 

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
Elevators are great for socializing once you are on them.
You can say almost anything you like and the other person can't escape easily so they are kind of forced to respond.
Ack! That's exactly what's so horrible about strangers and elevators! The idea of forcing my conversation on someone horrifies me.

Elevators aren't the worst though. The worst is when I have to pee in a public restroom in a stall and someone steps up and starts peeing in the one next to me. I have to have this internal conversation with my wiener trying to convince it no one else is around just to get the pee to come out. If the guy peeing next to me decides he wants to chit-chat that's just nightmarish. Do you talk to guys while peeing, too? :eek:
 
Elevators aren't the worst though. The worst is when I have to pee in a public restroom in a stall and someone steps up and starts peeing in the one next to me. I have to have this internal conversation with my wiener trying to convince it no one else is around just to get the pee to come out. If the guy peeing next to me decides he wants to chit-chat that's just nightmarish. Do you talk to guys while peeing, too? :eek:

I have always admired men for being able to pee while standing right next to another man!!:)






I think that man was the rude one for standing there staring at you. If he wanted to talk, he should have started the conversation. Just staring is rude!
 

Aussie_Lad

Well-known member
I have always admired men for being able to pee while standing right next to another man!!:)

So I am guessing you wouldn't like this then? ::p:
Sydney trials street urinals on inthemix.com.au

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I hate when I'm at a urinal and one of the adjacent pissers keeps theatrically sighing and taking exhaustive breaths. It's just an everyday piss, man, it's not an orgasm. And the guys who rest their other hand on the wall are the worst.
 
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