Avoidant Personality Disorder and Suicide

Yeah, I've had those thoughts several times.... I still do occasionally. For awhile I was really bad with those thoughts and actions because I didn't know what the heck was wrong with me, and no one cared. Now that I have an idea of what's wrong with me, and I know I'm not the only one with this type of disorder it kinda helped me... But I still have my low moments, and i honestly have tried suicide, but failed. People I know who've tried and failed said that it made them realize things, making them greatful for survival... But I'm still not sure if I'm happy or not about surviving... It's just so much in my mind, it makes me go crazy.

Adding to my above post, i think maybe why i've never actually properly attempted it, is certainly due in part to (my above post), which is very much aided by my being a very very pedantic, thinker-not-doer type. Hesitating on decisions big & small, is what i'm really good at (he he). And i'm forever putting-off doing actual physical stuff. So the above is easy for me (& to remember even when down in the depths), as it's my natural way. So its like for a change, some of my problems benefiting me for a change (lol).
But i say that now, when i am no longer am in any "crisis", or depressed, etc. When in those situations, i tend to DESPISE my strong-will-to-live, lack of "guts", eternal hope, etc, etc - which has kept me surving, to keep enduring the sometimes unbearable, excrutiating torture on a regular basis.
But i have gotten through all the hell that life has thrown at me, and i actually almost feel "invincible" to it all now. I think no matter WHAT life will throw at me from now onwards, it will PALE in comparison to what i've been through, and i will still suffer, but i know it almost certainly will not "break" me (eg cause me to get depressed, or suicidal, or worse, do it)

i think about suicide a lot. not as much as i used to because of certain people, and promises ive made to people, though they might not care anymore.
i almost attempted suicide once, and I struggle with some self-destructive behaviour. the only reason i never actually killed myself was the fear that i would fail and end up in the hospital or something...
i dont know whats wrong with me...

Tried it 4 times and think about it almost every week.

I've been diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder and I've had suicidal behaviour in the past. If there is one thing I would highly recommend to aviod, that is suicide for sure.

I haven't been diagnosed by a physician as Avoidant but I have nearly all the symptoms. When I first found out about the disorder it was like reading my life story.
I think about suicide all the time, I even think about a specific method which I would use if I were to kill myself (which I will not mention on this forum, I don't want to give anyone ideas).

But I don't know if I ever will do it or not. I've thought about it for so long and haven't done it, but I have had an impulse to do it a number of times that I had to fight not to follow through on when the hopelessness gets worse than usual.

thesmallestloser said:

Adding to my above post, i think maybe why i've never actually properly attempted it, is certainly due in part to (my above post), which is very much aided by my being a very very pedantic, thinker-not-doer type. Hesitating on decisions big & small, is what i'm really good at (he he). And i'm forever putting-off doing actual physical stuff. So the above is easy for me (& to remember even when down in the depths), as it's my natural way. So its like for a change, some of my problems benefiting me for a change (lol).

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I am totally like this. Even if I were suicidal, I don't like to do my own dirty work.

I thought about it a few times, more as a teenager than I do now, but never tried it. I had a bipolar childhood friend who did, and played a hand in preventing it. I told her mother about my concerns, she started watching her more closely and caught her trying to kill herself in the bathroom. Someone in our high school actually did it, although I didn't know him. I guess both incidents made me determined to continue on.

I have considered suicide as a way out but hadn't gotten to the stage where I select a method for doing so. But now I realize there are other options out there, and I still have some energy left so will try those other options until I exhaust them.

You guys are arguing about life and thinking to put an end to everything...

But, what did you plant in the past to harvest now?

If you just ran away, didnt take risks and only avoided the fear, you chose to be where you are now!

if you dont want to live like this anymore, now is time to try new things and be brave! THINGS CANT GET WORSE!!!!

when i was thinking of death, i started going to church, confessed my sins and ask the priest for something that i could do to occupy my mind and my thoughts... so I started "working" in an asylum, it was great, i met many new people and some in a really bad situation... they dont judge us!

Remember: an Idle mind is the devils's workshop (bad thoughts)

Remember: an Idle mind is the devils's workshop (bad thoughts)

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Very often heard slogan, but I don't think it rings true. A mind isn't exactly idle when you're depressed and anxious. In fact it's working overtime and draining us. Maybe it should be changed into "a life without activity/goals is a Devils workshop" because the mind only drifts when we are unhappy and unfilfilled.

On topic, I sometimes have had fantasies of "not waking up" or just vanishing into thin air. I've never really had actual plans of carrying out a suicide. Whenever I have these thoughts I try not to fight or resist them anymore though or force myself to make it go away. If I try to go for acceptance, letting the thoughts be, then they disappear more or less.

In times of desperation, yes I have considered suicide, but didn't have the guts to make a plan. Though I did think about pills, less painful ways to die.

i have slightly though about it, how the reaction of the people would be. I even thought about how it would look like that when i died the media realizes I had no friends and i would be ashamed hahaha, that how big my insecurities are.