Advice on Forgetting a Former Friend

That sucks. So very sorry. I hate it when things end badly. When I want to move on from the past, I try to do something crazy or stupid so that I will have a new memory to become obsessed with. You're from Australia, right? Do you dive? I hear it's like, the best diving spot ever. I use diving experiences to steer conversations into a zone i feel comfortable with.

Anyway , just do something completely unrelated to your friendship with this person. Maybe mountain biking, hiking or just good, old-fashioned getting sloshed so that you have an experience to focus on when you're alone as well as something to talk to your other friends with when you don't feel like talking about that person.

Try forgiveness, then acceptance that you arent friends anymore.

peacegrrl said:

Because memories of that friendship, or at least its bitter ending, are just as tormenting and poisonous as when it happened less than a year ago.

I need anything, suggestions, methods, ideas that will help me to leave the past in the past and move on.

I'm SICK of constantly facing a bombardment of memory triggers - we used to do everything together, so no matter how many significant items I've disposed of that even remotely relate to her, no matter where I turn, I still see or hear or feel things that put me right back on the emotional thought train to Depressionville. With my friends, who adore her, it's rare not to get bogged down if someone so much as implies her in a conversation.

For F-word's sake, she even regularly pops up in my dreams (nightmares?). So often my first waking thought is an unhappy one. I mean give me a break! Stupid subconscience.

I hope someone can help me out here... I've really just had enough of this anguish, and I want out while the exit (if one exists) is still open for me.

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I've had friendships end badly and have had dreams/nightmares about it also.

I think that the only thing is to give it time.

Painted Pans and Spy

If it was me I would just probably block a bunch of my memories out. I don't even how or why I do this, but I don't really think it's a good thing. It just leaves points in time where I have no idea what happened at all. I don't think you should completely forget about everything. Purposely distracting yourself has some use, but then you know why you're doing it, which in itself is thinking about, so what's the point? Man, That is confusing.

I don't know about forgiveness either. I mean sometimes you don't want to forgive people. The best thing that you can do I think, is try to not care. Not caring people mention your former friend you're like 'whatevers', and where it doesn't bother you. I think it is great to be doing all of things suggested, but not for the reason to forget someone. I think in the end because you're doing it for that purpose it just reminds you of why you're doing it. I can't offer really offer advice on how to not care, because I don't know to do it, but I think that's how you should feel. Bleh.

I broke off a friendship with three friends about one year ago (two of them being about 8 or 9 months ago). I never really forgot about it. Just last night I went to a graduation party for one of them. All three of them were there and I was really nervous to the point where I was shaking a little when I first said something to one of them. I said to the one guy "I'm here to hang out with you guys, so I don't want this shit to be really awkward". He then tried to give me a hug (he was joking) and I said "no, no, that's awkward". We laughed a little bit and we all just chilled, talked, played video games. I guess I'm friends with them now.
This probably wasn't helpful at all because I didn't answer your question, but I just wanted to tell you that things can change and you might want to be friends again. It took me about a year, overall, of not speaking to those guys for me to not hate them anymore. I can tell you that the things that caused us to not be friends were a really big deal to me. The things the one guy did really hurt me and I was so upset about the things that happened, I thought about those bad things for months. I hope this helps you a little, even though I didn't really answer your question.

Dont try and forget/suppress the feelings. Forgive the person(s), and then use acceptance, You have to resolve your feelings or they will eat at you for a long time.

I'm in a very similar predicament. This particular friend of mine has been friends with me for 12 years, she was a childhood friend, and she somehow managed to create my social anxiety in elementry school by frequently saying things like, "You walk & run strangely. Did you know everyone is gossiping about that? You do this, and that weird too..." And often criticize me over my appearance & personality and how 'everyone noticed'. Throughout the years she would shout, react violently, verbally abuse where it would feel like a stab to the heart. She practically ruined my entire life and never once had she ever apologized for her actions. Whenever I'd assert and confront myself, she'd talk over me and blame me for absolutely everything. Sorry to pour this out. I broke my friendship with her recently, infact, yesterday. This is why this thread immediately caught my attention. Sorry to hear your situation is tough. Exercise can be helpful at first. Eventually, it would be necessary to forgive and forget. Best of luck.

I'm glad you've made a lot of progress with getting over the situation. When you first posted this, I read it and had begun to formulate a response as I had what I felt was a good (but fleeting) idea. However I wasn't exactly sure how to word it, so decided against it. But kudos to you, and I'm happy you're feeling better.