Why can't I connect!

S

Solar

Active member
Hi people,

I'm sure some of you people have this too, but there must've have been a
solution for this!

I'm the type that can't connect to people, even after months of interaction with people I still act as day one! I can't get loose, can't expose myself!
People told me I'm very talentedbut I'm too quiet ::(:

If I haven't people in a week or two, I feel like I don't know them anymore. These things prevent me to express myself on deeper levels and I can't ever
have friends like this! On top of it all I can't hold conversations and I'm aware of the fact that I sort of fear authoritive people.

What do I do! I'm 24 and soon I must have a job, but this will prevent me from getting where I want to go!
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
my problem is with my ISP

I would ditch Charter altogether, but they're the only choice for high-speed up here without paying for broadband
 
L

Lionheart

Banned
I have the same problem and I think that was the reason that I have always only 1 close friend...



"Acceptance, denial and conviction prevent understanding. Let your mind move together with another's in understanding with sensitivity. Then, there is a possibility of real communication. To understand one another, there must be a state of choiceless awareness, where there is no sense of comparison or condemnation, no waiting for a further development of discussion in order to agree or disagree. Above all, don't start from a conclusion."-Bruce Lee
 
D

deleted user 1

Guest
You have my deepest sympathy Solar. I was in exactly the same position to you not so long ago. What I learnt is that small talk is very important, it may sound obvious, but I went in there trying to be as interesting as I possibly could, but failed to connect because I couldn't make small-talk with my co-workers. I also never engaged them personally. Another fatal mistake. This has lead me to a new perspective, with a new thought process, why do we talk to others? This has lead me to the very beginning of why people talk to each other. To find out about each other, and to share thoughts, feelings and experiences. It's so simple, but something so many introverts fail to really catch on to. The solution will require a shift in emphasis. So when you meet a new person, you don't try to focus on yourself, but the other person. Perhaps come up with a few template questions and responses beforehand to get things going. Thus YOU can engage the other person, and get to know them instead of it trying to be the other way around. And make use of the information you find out, because that's the goal. Find common interests and use these to build a connection. If they like something you like, find an activity which you both can do, invite them to something. It's very scarey, and I really do need to practice more what I preach, but it bares mentioning that playing it safe, not putting youself out there really is the most suicidal social faux pas you can make. And had I paid more creedence to this in the first couple of weeks of my old job, working relationships would not have been so intensely strained! Please don't make the same mistake I did.
 
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S

Silvox Black

Well-known member
I believe this issue you have stems from a lack of self-confidence as well as a fear of possible rejection or ridicule from others that prevents you from revealing your true self, making yourself vulnerable, and forming a relationship. I certainly hope that speaking to people here on the forum will give you much needed advice and rebuild your sense of self-confidence.
 
EscapeArtist

EscapeArtist

Well-known member
TheAristocrat said:
You have my deepest sympathy Solar. I was in exactly the same position to you not so long ago. What I learnt is that small talk is very important, it may sound obvious, but I went in there trying to be as interesting as I possibly could, but failed to connect because I couldn't make small-talk with my co-workers. I also never engaged them personally. Another fatal mistake. This has lead me to a new perspective, with a new thought process, why do we talk to others? This has lead me to the very beginning of why people talk to each other. To find out about each other, and to share thoughts, feelings and experiences. It's so simple, but something so many introverts fail to really catch on to. The solution will require a shift in emphasis. So when you meet a new person, you don't try to focus on yourself, but the other person. Perhaps come up with a few template questions and responses beforehand to get things going. Thus YOU can engage the other person, and get to know them instead of it trying to be the other way around. And make use of the information you find out, because that's the goal. Find common interests and use these to build a connection. If they like something you like, find an activity which you both can do, invite them to something. It's very scarey, and I really do need to practice more what I preach, but it bares mentioning that playing it safe, not putting youself out there really is the most suicidal social faux pas you can make. And had I paid more creedence to this in the first couple of weeks of my old job, working relationships would not have been so intensely strained! Please don't make the same mistake I did.
Click to expand...

Yes! Good post. Maybe read How To Win Friends and Influence People, if you haven't already. Very related to what he said.
 
S

Solar

Active member
Nice stuff, I'll try to work it out, thanks for the advice. Even the internet connection tip Lol
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
I am scared when I start getting along with people. What can I do to annoy them with my anxiety I start to think?
 
PurpleOne

PurpleOne

Well-known member
Solar said:
Hi people,

I'm sure some of you people have this too, but there must've have been a
solution for this!

I'm the type that can't connect to people, even after months of interaction with people I still act as day one! I can't get loose, can't expose myself!
People told me I'm very talentedbut I'm too quiet ::(:

If I haven't people in a week or two, I feel like I don't know them anymore. These things prevent me to express myself on deeper levels and I can't ever
have friends like this! On top of it all I can't hold conversations and I'm aware of the fact that I sort of fear authoritive people.

What do I do! I'm 24 and soon I must have a job, but this will prevent me from getting where I want to go!
Click to expand...

You are not alone. I go through that, too.
 
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