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Old 01-12-2018
LoyalXenite's Avatar
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I dont remember when mine started, I had tendencies as a kid, but how much it affected me varied on who I was with... it got worse as I got older, especially in my late teens/early 20's... It peaked at its worst when I was in a very toxic relationship.

It seems to have stopped getting worse now at least..
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Old 01-14-2018
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Hie ye hence from me heath!
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Probably after my family and moved house, since things just got worse moving from the scheme - or yer typical rough as f*ck council estate - to more central part o' town. And it got worse from that point, really... Mid-teen was when things really got bad for me. Though, it's hardly easy growing up the youngest of 3 kids, and being the only boy in a matriarchal household.

I don't remember not being anxious, if I'm honest. Unless I'm playing the guitar or writing my own music. Then, for a few hours, the anxiety, depression and dysfunctional family BS f*cks off.
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Old 01-15-2018
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Originally Posted by Bo592 View Post
My dad was not much of a teacher he told me straight to my face one day that he did not won`t to have a son he only wanted daughters he said he would not care much for me in tell I had kids for him to talk to.
I'm sorry if I offend you with this comment Bo, but for a father to say something like that to his son is so damn weak, pathetic and selfish.

Your father didn't deserve to have children in my opinion. A father should love his children no matter what their gender. For a son to hear something like that from his father can be soul destroying. I'm truly sorry that you had to endure that mate
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Old 01-15-2018
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I recall being at primary school and getting teased a lot about the scar I have on my neck. That was probably the catalyst for my SA. But I was very sporty and had lots of friends.

I think my mother was a definite cause though, I was accepted into the State Cricket youth side. The first couple of training sessions were great and I impressed everyone that was there. Then the next stage came where everyone needed to bring their own gear.

My mother promised she was buying me the stuff I needed (which in the end I found out was a lie) and I turned up to training with no gear of my own. The only one to do so.
I had to ask to borrow other peoples gear. I was so embarrassed. Looking back that was the day I became acutely self conscious.

So when the next training day came, I still had no gear and I told my mother I wasn't going. I didn't even pick up a cricket ball for nearly 5 years and I never played cricket competitively again (approximately 30 years later).

I have a knot in my stomach whenever I think about it, I really think I could have made a career out of the sport I loved.
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