trouble with father

i have problems with my dad. right now im so angry i want to tear his head off. my dad is a really temperamental person. he has a bad temper. because of this i cant talk to him about anything because if i say the wrong thing he blows up for nothing. its always been that way. he is always criticizing me and telling me im wrong. nothing i do is good enough. hes treated me like this ever since i was a kid.
some unfortunate stuff happened to him this week he was super pissed today. i cant blame him for being mad for what happened to him, but he was taking it out on me.

today i was outside working on my car and he comes outside like he always does, criticizing everything i do, telling me im doing it all wrong, blah blah....when in reality i know exactly what im doing. his criticism is usually over stupid petty stuff. im doing fine until he comes around, he always screws everything up.
he did it today. i tried to calmly explain what im doing. after some more talking he yelled at me and got all mad. im nearly 30 and i have to listen to this crap. i usually just ignore him. but he has no business doing this crap. im a grown man im not some kid. its totally disrespectful to me.

this is causing alot of my anxiety i think. or maybe its me not standing up to him and holding it all in trying to bury it. its embarrassing to admit i cant stand up to him. but my patience is gone and my anger is boiling over.

My dad's the same XD Really. I find myself always on my guard because I don't know when he's going to lose his temper. On some days he can be very pleasant to talk to, but when he has a lot of stuff in his mind even the littlest things can send him on rage mode. He has never beat me, though, so at least my physical safety isn't in danger. I don't know about the emotional. XD

Verbal abuse is tough to deal with. And it's hard to make abusive people understand that they're abusive. And it makes you feel so helpless, because even if you're doing the best you can to tread lightly and tactfully, the blame always somehow gets put on you.

I'm pretty tired of dealing with crap myself. Do you live with your dad? If you do, I know it's pretty damn difficult. I'm waiting for the day I get to move out when I'm an adult. ) Moral support, man.

its very common from the baby boomber generation fathers. they believe that condescending and arrogance is actually a positive personality trait. they want to hold onto their macho "boring" ways. just remember though, you dont have to be like them, he may try and condition you to be a certain way. just be yourself. making mistakes is way better then some know-it-all making eveyone around him tense and stressed.

i know this is a little prejudice of me to say but am i guessing he's not big into art or music nor is he open minded?

as i said, the baby boomer generation of iron fist king of the hill arrogance is revolting.

men like that dont have many friends.

All good cowboys have daddy issues

^^you all pretty much summed it up.
ive talked to him about stuff before and we straightened it out. but not like this. hes very stubborn and you cant convince him he is wrong.
ive made up my mind that im gonna talk to him today. if he doesnt like it he can kick me out...which he probably wont.
its only verbal abuse, hes never tried to physically hurt me. but being im nearly twice his size id probably stomp him into oblivion...(and im not so sure about that).
when i was a kid he would do semi abusive things like grab me by my shirt and shove me. he would also kick me from behind if i didnt do something up to his standards. stupid stuff. but he never actually hit me as a kid. but now im an adult who he cant do that to, and hes still the same grouchy old man.

its the fact that hes my father and i avoid conflict with people that i dont stand up to him. ive wanted to fire back in anger so bad but i stayed quiet. i mean what do i say to him? hes my father. i hate fighting with people. one of my friends got into a fist fight with his dad last week and he left for good. i hate stuff like that.

Oh gosh. I can relate.

My Dad can flare up in anger too, I think he has some adult ADD/ADHD, look it up, yours might too.. We both have tempers too..
A cousin of mine and her Dad both have terrible tempers too.. She's moved out and cut all contact at times, then they patched it up, then argued again..

What can I say? If it's relevant or irrelevant, look if there's a 'deeper issue'?
For example, you might have different values and views of the world.
My Dad wants me to 'get a proper job and give him grandkids'...? So as long as I'm not doing that, there will always be bone for contention..

But even a friend with a proper job/great career, husband and kids said she and her Mom argued over plant pots!! when they were still living together, so now that they've moved out it's all so much better..

I've written before that I think the boomer generation is spoilt already (in fact one of them said so herself! Truth is that later generation may be even worse, depends on individuals and the upbringing) there were steady jobs and easy loans so they could build houses.. They don't understand the world has changed in so many ways now..

It may be best to calm down a bit before you speak... Sometimes getting angry and telling stuff back can help too, depending how it's done.. Sometimes it's better if you talk from a 'calm space'.. (After you've had a walk or talked it over with a friend etc.)

My Dad has been physically abusive when we were kids, not now anymore.. I don't think violence is an answer... So if you get so angry to get tempted to do that, just walk away.. Or if you get tempted to call names, insults are not an answer.. (even if he says them!)
And then cool down and make plans how to go about this. There's a really cool book that might be helpful: Dealing with Difficult People (if your dad is a 'tank' or a 'granate' - my dad is sometimes a tank and mom is sometimes a 'granate'...) It has been helpful to me...

My Mom has criticized us a lot, usually it's possible to talk to her when she calms down. (And the anti-granate tips really help too, though they may not be so easy to implement!)

Usually when someone doesn't like the way I do something, and it's not really relevant (and they want to get it done), I just say, 'You do it then' and that usually shuts them up. If it's your car, not sure if this would work, maybe you can just 'remember to be busy with something else (that needs to be done right away)' and go do that and return to the car later?
If it's relevant and helpful, I try to listen.

Another thing, if they keep arguing or criticizing and such, I just walk away. I may give a 'warning' first, 'Hey guys, if you're gonna keep being so loud, I'm gonna walk away' or something like that.. And I do, even with a plate if they were being too loud at lunch or something like that. (Dad likes us all to eat together! So I'm just giving him a consequence of his behaviours.)

Some people who criticize a lot have a really bad opinion of themselves, or may be going through rough times (at the job etc)... So it may help to remember it may have nothing to do with you really...
It still sucks yeah.. and is no way to behave.. Sometimes Grandma says Dad's already 'getting old' or 'childish again' and 'it might only get worse'?? So, hm... If you're living together, get out if you can, or at least visit friends/have a life outside of home, if you're on your own already, maybe minimize contact?
Adult kids and parents living together is a challenge.. Some manage to make it work, some just move away, or at least have completely separate households..

well i talked to him about it and we straightened it out. of course he disagreed and he didnt like it, but i told him anyway. it was hard but i did it.

doubleM said:

i have problems with my dad. right now im so angry i want to tear his head off. my dad is a really temperamental person. he has a bad temper. because of this i cant talk to him about anything because if i say the wrong thing he blows up for nothing. its always been that way. he is always criticizing me and telling me im wrong. nothing i do is good enough. hes treated me like this ever since i was a kid.
some unfortunate stuff happened to him this week he was super pissed today. i cant blame him for being mad for what happened to him, but he was taking it out on me.

today i was outside working on my car and he comes outside like he always does, criticizing everything i do, telling me im doing it all wrong, blah blah....when in reality i know exactly what im doing. his criticism is usually over stupid petty stuff. im doing fine until he comes around, he always screws everything up.
he did it today. i tried to calmly explain what im doing. after some more talking he yelled at me and got all mad. im nearly 30 and i have to listen to this crap. i usually just ignore him. but he has no business doing this crap. im a grown man im not some kid. its totally disrespectful to me.

this is causing alot of my anxiety i think. or maybe its me not standing up to him and holding it all in trying to bury it. its embarrassing to admit i cant stand up to him. but my patience is gone and my anger is boiling over.

Click to expand...

Wow. This sounds exactly like my dad. Non-stop bitching and complaining. Bad temper. Criticizes everything. Will go out of his way to make the family miserable... etc.
Do you still live with your parents?