Social_Monstrosity
Well-known member
The story goes like this - I'm currently 19 and still homebound. My parents separated early this year and my father has had zero impact on my life ever since. While this is, overall, excellent (my dad had a caustic, negative influence over me and how I should be living my life, he also abused my mom often and started abusing me after a while as well) I can't help but wander what to do with my life now since he was the only person who seemed capable of kicking my ass into gear and doing things (Well...kinda).
My mother is my only true friend. How sad is that? We spend a lot of time together and lately we've been all over the place traveling (Canada, NYC, a couple other places), but I can't help but feel that her intrusiveness and overbearing mindset will damage me in the long run.
I graduated high school in May 2009 and since then, I'll admit I haven't done jack**** with my life. I mope about playing World of Warcraft, browsing internet forums, listening to music, watching movies, and occasionally reading a book that holds my interest. I don't work or have a social life. I usually go to bed between 5-6 am and wake up at 2-4 pm. I will leave the apartment maybe twice a week tops for either a walk or to go to the cinema, alone of course. For a while I've been content with my complacency in life, but now I fear that I've gotten TOO comfortable and that I should be attempting to overcome my SAD.
The thing is, I have ZERO desire to return to school. Is it so wrong to believe that it may not be for me? I hear about incumbent Freshmen being forced into college having ZERO idea of what they want to study, what they want to do with their lives, etc...just to please mommy and daddy. Well **** that, I'm done being a "pleaser", I've lived in misery as a pleaser for years, just trying to make my dad as happy as possible and never caring about my own being.
I mean, I did well in high school (Minus class presentations...-shudder-) but my heart just isn't into getting a higher education right now, in fact, my heart (and brain) is directing me as FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE from any institution. I feel as if any time I invest in getting an education will go to waste since my SAD will hold me back from making the best use out of it once I graduate. And if/when I DO graduate I'll be waist-deep in debt. I just don't see any pros to this unless I major in business, computer science, or go to medical school, and none of those appeal to me whatsoever, but they sure pull in the big bucks, heh.
I'm lost. I'm a social pariah. I have zero support sans my mother and possibly aunt. I can't work. I don't want to go to school despite being an apt pupil (Just saw that movie, couldn't resist, heh). Should I travel more? I found that fulfilling, though its expensive. Should I write? Should I learn an instrument? Should I attempt tapping into my artistic side? Shall I live out the rest of my life as a slacker?
UGH. What's going to happen to me? =[
My mother is my only true friend. How sad is that? We spend a lot of time together and lately we've been all over the place traveling (Canada, NYC, a couple other places), but I can't help but feel that her intrusiveness and overbearing mindset will damage me in the long run.
I graduated high school in May 2009 and since then, I'll admit I haven't done jack**** with my life. I mope about playing World of Warcraft, browsing internet forums, listening to music, watching movies, and occasionally reading a book that holds my interest. I don't work or have a social life. I usually go to bed between 5-6 am and wake up at 2-4 pm. I will leave the apartment maybe twice a week tops for either a walk or to go to the cinema, alone of course. For a while I've been content with my complacency in life, but now I fear that I've gotten TOO comfortable and that I should be attempting to overcome my SAD.
The thing is, I have ZERO desire to return to school. Is it so wrong to believe that it may not be for me? I hear about incumbent Freshmen being forced into college having ZERO idea of what they want to study, what they want to do with their lives, etc...just to please mommy and daddy. Well **** that, I'm done being a "pleaser", I've lived in misery as a pleaser for years, just trying to make my dad as happy as possible and never caring about my own being.
I mean, I did well in high school (Minus class presentations...-shudder-) but my heart just isn't into getting a higher education right now, in fact, my heart (and brain) is directing me as FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE from any institution. I feel as if any time I invest in getting an education will go to waste since my SAD will hold me back from making the best use out of it once I graduate. And if/when I DO graduate I'll be waist-deep in debt. I just don't see any pros to this unless I major in business, computer science, or go to medical school, and none of those appeal to me whatsoever, but they sure pull in the big bucks, heh.
I'm lost. I'm a social pariah. I have zero support sans my mother and possibly aunt. I can't work. I don't want to go to school despite being an apt pupil (Just saw that movie, couldn't resist, heh). Should I travel more? I found that fulfilling, though its expensive. Should I write? Should I learn an instrument? Should I attempt tapping into my artistic side? Shall I live out the rest of my life as a slacker?
UGH. What's going to happen to me? =[
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