your first intrusive thought

[durda_dan]

what was your first intrusive thought, how was your reaction
I never knew i had OCD. one day i was cuddling with my girlfriend and i had a thought to break her neck
I was so scared. i thought i was going to puke. i couldn't sleep, i felt nausious, the next day i went to work in the morning and when i cam back from work when i could see my apartment i was afraid to go inside, what would i do when i go inside. i was terrified.
but over the course of the next few months, i couldn't shake off that thought, and then it turned to break necks everywhere. No matter where who i saw. then push people into traffic or off my balcony.
i cried a lot. I thought i was a bad person i thought i was going to kill someone. and mostly i thought how my family would react. how they would be broken if i go to jail.
It didn't help
since i was so scared my OCD fed off that and got worse!
but eventually my anxiety calmed down, and i learned to cope with it. i still get anxiety only if it is a strong thought. Usually it's ok.

i thoguht this has to be anxiety because my parents came to visit me for the first time in a while, i got a new job, and a new house and a lot of changes.
I looked up anxiety and i thought thats what i had because of the anxiety attack after the thought.
i kept looking up anxiety and then i got some depression so i looked that up too,

One of my friends is a doctor and he told me to check out a website , only for doctor website, no regular people should look at this, but he gave me his password and such, i looked at it. and the thing i noticed was it was more like OCD then anxiety. and then i read more on OCD and am convinced this is what i have now.

thats my story, whats yours

 

[recluse]

I had one where i had a fear that i was going to throw my cat in the fire.

 

[getbornagain]

I can't remember what it was.

 

[Patrick123]

heh

I get them all of the time. I always worry that I'm going to kill my dog or that I'm going to physically hurt someone during a conversation or say something terrible, simply because I know that it's within the realm of possiblity. Man, those are the worst...

 

[Ale]

The first OCD thought I remember having was when I was a teenager and doing laundry. I thought about taking the lent out of the dryer and decided to just do it when I came back later. Then a voice in my head said - "no, you have to do it now, or else something bad might happen." I felt controlled by thought and compelled to do it. My mind would create all sorts of arbitrary superstitious thoughts to get me to do things with the threat and fear that something bad might happen if I didn't. I knew they were irrational, but I thought what if... better just safe then sorry. I had things with symmetry too. It didn't really effect me though much and kind of went away. Then later in my twenties, I started having things again, like a thought about a certain store and a person who worked there. My mind told me that if I shopped there and saw that person working there, it was a sign that something bad might happen. Soon, it turned into shopping at that store was bad all together and I had to avoid that location. I haven't been back there in years.

It wasn't until years later though were it turned into full blown OCD. Obsession with numbers, superstitious of certain numbers, having to count things, repeat things, things not feeling "right" and having to avoid them or retouch them etc., and then full out contamination OCD! That is the worst one, caused the most avoidance and restriction.

 

[pandamonium77]

I've had intrusive thoughts before, but i've always had them, especially right before i go to bed. But it all started one time when.... *story time children, everyone sit down in a circle*
My friend told me that if somehow your belly button got undone that all of your guts would fall out. Immediately it hit me. I was standing in the middle of school in shock of what i "saw"
This terrible image of me standing in my house, scratching my stomach and my belly button came undone, and all of my guts splattered on the floor and i fell over dead
freaked the heeeeeeelllllllllllll out of me! I worried about it for a week or so, and dont poke my belly button anymore, and refused to watch the pillsbury doughboy commercials for obvious reasons.