Would you still have SA if ....

planetweirdo

Well-known member
#1
Do you think that you would still have social anxiety if we lived in a world where people were kinder to one another?

May people with SA hate small talk, but would you still hate small talk if we lived in a world were you didn't have to worry about being mocked and ridiculed for saying something "stupid"?

What if we lived in a world were people was less judgmental and quick to judge or punish you for having flaws, while not acknowledging there own flaws?

What if we lived in a world were we didn't have to worry about being hated, called names, or dubbed an idiot just for disagreeing with someone else's point of view. (even when it comes to something as simple as liking a movie that someone else don't)?

What if we didn't have to worry about being bullied, belittled, or put down by people that wants to feel superior to us?

If this was a world were most people just simply treated others the way that they themselves would like to be treated, would there still be so may of us with SA?

Is SA only a result of our own internal psychological disorder, or is SA a way that people like us cope with living in a dysfunctional world? :idontknow:
 
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Steiner

Well-known member
#2
Is SA only a result of our own internal psychological disorder, or is SA a way that people like us cope with living in a dysfunctional world?
Probably both. Would I still have SA, yes a little, it probably wouldn't have gotten as bad as it did if everyone else were better.
 
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Kiwong

Well-known member
#3
I think you have nailed it, Planetweirdo, I believe my anxiety is caused by inability to cope with the dysfunctional world of people. I only really started to develop it my forties, but is in an outcome of all I have been through, the small cuts of unkindness the build up over a lifetime.
 

Deco

Well-known member
#4
Sure. It would be much better. Society as whole wouldn't be such a narcissistic mess if we all had better values and more tolerance.

Some people are rich, beautiful and healthy and still get depressed and can lose friends and become isolated for many different reasons.
Others are humble, awkward, grumpy or even creepy and still have tons of friends and have no problems getting into relationships, even with people who are far above them in terms of looks and income.

It's not an excuse to stop trying to improve social skills but luck playing a major role together with realizing we live in a such a crazy world are some of the main reasons I don't blame myself for eveything in my lack of a social life these days.
 
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Sacrament

Well-known member
#5
Social Anxiety is an inability to handle the everyday life of being a social creature. There's tons of people who have social anxiety and yet have never been bullied in any way.

Besides, thinking about utopias will not help you achieve progress.
 

Requiescat

Well-known member
#6
For me it's a technical thing now
The only thing that hangs heavily over me now is what I think of myself. For better or worse I feel absolute disinterest in whether anyone likes me or not.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
#7
Social Anxiety is an inability to handle the everyday life of being a social creature. There's tons of people who have social anxiety and yet have never been bullied in any way.

Besides, thinking about utopias will not help you achieve progress.
There are just as many people who have been bullied and abused.

Believing everything is fine with the world is like saying "My hand isn't burning, this hot plate I have my hand on isn't hot."

It is often a dysfunctional place the world of people, and the challenge is to learn to manage and cope with that.

Utopian thinking could also be "if I just think positively about all of this then I will live happily ever after."

I saw a psychologist who introduced the concept of realistic thinking, I think that is the best way to achieve progress.
 

arjuna

Well-known member
#9
It sounds like a nature/nurture debate. I believe this has been discussed a lot already. I, personally, focus on what is in my hands to change: Covey's "circle of influence" (from the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People).
 

Facethefear

Well-known member
#10
No! My social anxiety was brought on during a period of upheaval (12 years old). I was fine until then. My mother was a wreck after my brother was born and we moved - so I had to attend a new school. My father was home only on the weekends so I had a huge responsibility of "helping" my mother cope. I was going through ****rty ...alone. I had been the smartest in my class but at the new school I had to prove myself. I had never experienced it before, but I was the subject of a lot of gossip about my looks, clothes, family home, intelligence etc. My 2 new friends loved to tell me the negative comments as we walked to and from school, while assuring me they stuck up for me. I became tense, hypersensitive and prone to headaches. Time has taught me to cope with most people-avoid them.
 

AlienGeranium

Well-known member
#11
I think being able to see the good and kindness over the judgement and insults would help a lot. We can see the world however we wish to, and I think it's more realistic to change that than how the rest of the world acts.
 

Monkish1

Well-known member
#12
Amazing observations, planetwierdo(luv your username;)-

Ugh, it's all so confusing. One thing I know for sure though is that I feel kids need to be taught how not to judge so recklessly, but with an open-mind. After watching TED, I feel a little better. It seems quite a few forward thinkers may have a touch of SA.

We can ask 'why' Commander Barkeley from utopian Star Trek is such a nervous wreck. Nature or nurture? Hardly anyone can deny that he's one of the most colorful characters on the show, though he remains a quandary.

Personally, I do believe that SA can be culturally inflicted. But it's a matter of perspective. Some people can tease each other mercilessly in good fun, while in other households or cultures the tiniest slight is met with stern disapproval. The verdict is out, and certainly not black and white. Certain genetic traits can also be triggered by environment.

I've started to view people as alien creatures, each with their own unique planet. There's a ferengi(capitalist). Look, it's a Cardassian(bully)! A klingon(honorable warrior). Beam me up Scotty. People are crazy!
 

Argentum

Well-known member
#13
Yes, because it's not entirely about anticipating unkindness. I expect to come off wrong, give off the wrong impression, or just generally fumble while everyone watches me do so and wonders what the hell is wrong with me. Like getting up in front of a classroom, not being able to solve a problem, and having everyone whisper behind their hands and mentally mark me as incompetent. Or having people overhear my phone conversations out of context and get the wrong idea.

People being terrible just leaves me depressed when I'm around it too much.
 

planetweirdo

Well-known member
#14
Thanks for your reply's.


Besides, thinking about utopias will not help you achieve progress.
I think I know what you mean, thinking to much about an ideal world makes the real world seem harsher. Maybe I'm a little too idealistic but I can't help but wish that the world we live in was a least a little better than it is.
 

planetweirdo

Well-known member
#15
I only really started to develop it my forties, but is in an outcome of all I have been through, the small cuts of unkindness the build up over a lifetime.
I know what you mean. Maybe I would still have SA even if no one was ever mean to me but I think that the unkindness that I have experienced over the years may have made my SA and avoidant personality a lot worst, and have caused me to become paranoid about meeting new people.
 

planetweirdo

Well-known member
#16
Yes, because it's not entirely about anticipating unkindness. I expect to come off wrong, give off the wrong impression, or just generally fumble while everyone watches me do so and wonders what the hell is wrong with me.
Your right, the fear of giving off the wrong impressions is a huge source of anxiety for me. I also worry about looking weird or foolish in front of people.
 
#17
I would definitely still have it either way. When I was a very little kid, I was pretty shy. Then around sixth grade, I started getting more nervous and becoming more self conscious about my growing anxiety - particularly the physical symptoms. Sweaty hands, blushing, etc.

I mean, sure if people were a lot nicer, my SA would definitely be calmer and I wouldn't feel doomed to never have meaningful relationships with my peers again :p
 
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