Why?

[singing-love]

Why do I have to sit by and watch the people I love suffer? Why can't I make their pain stop and have the solutions ready for them? I can't stand watching people suffer, especially the people I love, it's killing me. It's like I can feel everyone's pain but I'm useless to stop it, I can't protect them and I can't make it stop. Friends coming to me with problems and I can feel their suffering as if it was my own and yet I can't take their pain away I can't make it stop. I don't want to feel the suffering anymore I don't want to be useless to them. People say that I'm doing a good job just by listening to people and being there, but how?! Why?! Why do good people have to suffer so much. I wish I could take it all myself, I would do it in a heartbeat if I could. I hate it. It hurts to watch, it really does.

 

[LittleGloves]

Why do I have to sit by and watch the people I love suffer? Why can't I make their pain stop and have the solutions ready for them? I can't stand watching people suffer, especially the people I love, it's killing me. It's like I can feel everyone's pain but I'm useless to stop it, I can't protect them and I can't make it stop. Friends coming to me with problems and I can feel their suffering as if it was my own and yet I can't take their pain away I can't make it stop. I don't want to feel the suffering anymore I don't want to be useless to them. People say that I'm doing a good job just by listening to people and being there, but how?! Why?! Why do good people have to suffer so much. I wish I could take it all myself, I would do it in a heartbeat if I could. I hate it. It hurts to watch, it really does.

Sadly that is life. Innocents being killed everyday, people who get bullied when they did nothing wrong. The list goes on and on. Sometimes I wonder to myself why is the world like this too.

 

[singing-love]

^ I ask myself the same thing everyday, i wish life wasn't this way. But it is...

 

[MikeyC]

There's something important you have to remember, singing-love: You can't help everyone.

Pain is a part of life, no matter how good, privileged, nice, or happy you are. Everyone you love, and everyone they love, will go through some sort of adversity in their lives. It's a part of life, as LittleGloves mentioned, and the best thing is to be there for the people you love and try to understand that you can't solve every problem in the universe.

There will come a point for you, too, where you have to let go. Taking in everyone's problems and trying to sort them out, while you also have your own struggles to contend with, isn't going to lead anywhere good. You will eventually have a breakdown, and you probably don't want that. Learning to disconnect somewhat from the problems people have isn't a bad thing; you can still be there and listen to them and give advice and still be the selfless person you clearly are, but taking them home with you and agonising over it and losing sleep worrying about every little problem people have is detrimental to your well-being. Psychologists wouldn't last a week in their profession if they did that.

It's a sad fact of life that there's a lot of suffering out there, but you are just one person and you can't save everybody.

The one person you need to listen to most is yourself. Make sure you're feeling alright before taking on more pain from others.

 

[chatterbox71]

Hi, singing-love.

I know you know that I think you have a BIG heart and are a great person--and that a lot of times, people who have such character traits are never satisfied with any success they have. It can be so frustrating!

I want to pass along a bit of wisdom from my mother--and also an idea you might think of trying to incorporate in your life, if you like:

First, from my mom: I am older than most of you, and for about half of my life (pretty much up until I finished college), the internet played a very small role in people's lives. Obviously, there have always been newspapers--but with the advent of the internet, everyone's business on a moment-by-moment basis became part of our lives. This can range from everyone you are connected to via Facebook to all the people suffering God knows what in corners of the world we know next to nothing about. My mom thinks it's wonderful we do all we can for as many we can--but she, from an era where the internet didn't exist until she was close to 60--feels "we weren't intended to know this much, to shoulder so many people's burdens"--and doing so can be crushing for those of us who really feel deeply about everyone and everything.

From me: I've done a lot of outreach work in a field that few people deeply care about or act on--I'll just leave it at that rather than tell you who the focus is. These individuals are treated in ways most of us can only imagine, if that--and even the good-hearted find it difficult to learn about the atrocities because doing so is so painful--which of course puts these individuals in need in an even more dire situation, as they have so little help and support. I used to approach the topic from a very broad angle, trying to tackle all the hurt--and it's just too much for an individual. Burnout can ensue, and when that happens, we aren't as effective as we can be. So, my idea for you is this: Look for a way you can help--even if it's just a small amount of time per week or a very small audience--where you KNOW you will see progress fairly quickly. This is not to say you must abandon other ways you are trying to help people--but humans NEED/REQUIRE instant positive feedback, even in small doses. I have found the place where I volunteer 3 hours a week provides this. The people I work with are pretty much living with no support, emotional or financial, and the work I do provides them with certain needs they require to get through the week.

Doing this work is like eating food after going without for days and days. I really hope you can find something where you can be assured of such sustenance: A win-win . . . you help--and you are helped, in turn. It's not selfish; it's a human need to feel accomplishment.

HUGS!

 

[MikeyC]

"we weren't intended to know this much, to shoulder so many people's burdens"--and doing so can be crushing for those of us who really feel deeply about everyone and everything.

Interesting quote, and excellent post. :thumbup:

 

[chatterbox71]

Interesting quote, and excellent post. :thumbup:

Thank you, MikeyC! I have a very difficult time with my relationship with my mother, but it's nuggets of wisdom like that that's she's passed along that help me put things in perspective.

You are always so supportive on here; I really appreciate your presence. Have a good night!

 

[alxbkr]

"life is a bitch"
You sound like you really have a nice heart though.

 

[MikeyC]

Thank you, MikeyC! I have a very difficult time with my relationship with my mother, but it's nuggets of wisdom like that that's she's passed along that help me put things in perspective.

You are always so supportive on here; I really appreciate your presence. Have a good night!

I remember your troubles with your mother. At least that's one piece of wisdom she delivered.

Thank you for the lovely compliment.

 

[singing-love]

Thankyou everyone for your kindness and advice, I really appreciate it.