Why won't people listen to me?

[rocky_oreo]

I have SA/SP and also some form of agoraphobia but I can leave the house, just not on my own. I think it's called monophobia. I am ok with a person I feel safe with but I am way too afraid to leave the house on my own. I think years of bullying and name calling in the street was what built up to how I am feeling now.

Well anyway one of my biggest fears is when someone knocks on the door. I have no problems answering if someone is in the house with me but when I'm in the house on my own, I hate it. I can't do it. Because of my shyness I have trouble telling cold callers/jehovas witnesses etc to go away like most people do really easily and feel awful shutting the door in their faces, I can't do it. So instead I choose to not answer it.

I wish the door had some kind of little peepy hole so I could see who is out there but it's not that kind of door. There is a little picture on the door and I can just about make out the postman with his bag in the mornings. I have no trouble answering the door to the postman and this is even when I am not expecting him.

I and my partner have told my partners family time and time again that if they come round and my partner is at work, to text or phone me first so I am expecting them and then I will answer the door. They never do and instead I am made to feel ignorant for not answering the door. Just because they invite people to come round theirs any time of the day without letting them know first doesn't mean we are all like that. I am quite happy once I know they are coming. But when there is a knock or a few knocks at the door and I am alone in the house and I am not expecting anyone, I get very anxious and start worrying that my partners family will be mad at me for not answering. But they could fix that with a quick text message. Of course I am anxious it is one of them and it might be some other cold caller or a friend of my partners for instance, whom I wouldn't feel comfortable with.

Anyone else have this problem? And why won't they listen to me?

 

[Plumeria]

I know you posted this awhile ago, but I know how you feel. I too am ok doing things if I have someone with me, but by myself is completely different. I also won't answer the door when not expecting someone. When I hear those knocks I feel like I am going to have a heart attack.
I wish your partners family was more understanding. Your not askewng much.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Hmm strange that you didn't have any answer before today

I don't have any solution for you since it seems your family just don't get it. I don't answer the door either if I'm not expecting anyone, and I don't find it weird of me at all. Texting or calling before dropping by is really not a complicated thing to do. Maybe you could try to make them understand with words like "I HATE unexpected visits. So call or text before. Thank you." :idontknow:

 

[Plumeria]

Good point. I do know it might back fire on rocky_Oreo though depending on the type of people in this family. I made comments around my exs family like that, so then they made sure to drop by without any warning and more often. They thought I was out of my mind. People have to stop judging each other and making others feel uncomfortable. Its really not a big deal to give a heads up.

 

[rocky_oreo]

Thanks for replying. I have explained in full to my partners mum about it as she knows about my problems and even agreed she would text before coming but the last time she came, she just turned up again without letting me know beforehand. Thankfully my partner was home at the time.

I have an auntie who never answers the door when my parents just turn up out of the blue. I wondered if she had the same anxiety as me with it. But people who haven't got anxiety etc don't understand why it's such a big deal to those of us with it.

But since writing my post, I have looked on google and found tons of people out there who are afraid to answer the door when alone. So I feel better knowing it's not just me

 

[sullyS25]

Sounds like this is an area where YOU need to grow and not your friends. You can blame your friends for not listening to you but YOU are the one that has the fear of telling people you dont know to go away, not them. Even if you have explained this fear to them, they probably have no idea how it affects you and push it aside because it seems irrational and weird to them. Not that it is weird but to an outsider looking in, it is just difficult to understand.

I think taking a little responsibility here is in order. Your friends that "dont listen to you" aren't totally at fault. Have you made any attempt to overcome this fear or are you going to be content with living a life like this forever? Do you always see yourself being the person that is desperate for approval or do you want to change in that area? If you don't see your self changing that is perfectly fine too but if you don't change yourself, the world around you will not change either. I can guarantee you that 100%.

 

[jaim38]

I have this problem too. When someone knocks on the door, I let my parents answer. Sometimes if I'm expecting a package, I will answer the door and talk to the postman. But that's as far as I go.

Some elderly people like my grandma don't answer the door when they're alone. You can never be too careful these days.

I want to conquer this fear step by step. Start with answering phone calls, making phone calls, video chatting, then move on to the harder stuff.