why i am afraid to ask women out/be in a relationship

[recluse]

ok i've finally accepted my looks and i realise that i'm a likeable person. Ive been told i have a good sense of humour, and ive accepted that i am ok looking. The main reason for me fearing asking women out is my homebody life style. I spend most pof my time at home unless i am out cycling or at work. Obviously if i was to be in a relationship it would be normal to take her out to places and think of fun things to do. I am very uncomfortable in clubs or anywhere with crowds and loud music and most women like these places. I just cant imagine anyone wanting to stay withg me knowing im such a recluse.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Most women don't like clubs or noisy places. How about a park or the beach? Take her to a quant romantic restaurant......or, maybe a place with shops where you can walk around at your leisure.

 

[very_shy]

Same feelings as recluse... I agree, not all girls like noisy atmosphere. The best thing is to have some common interests, but for us, SA-ers these mostly don't involve other people. :sad: So we hope that one day, the sun will shine at a certain angle, and suddenly the blessed girl will appear and all fears will gone.

Personally I have almost given up, rethinking every possible scenario in the last 10-15 years and came to the same conclusion as OP. And to add-I am scared of girls. Inviting a girl out would mean a thing I have never done in my life. It would be like giant comet hitting Earth. It would feel-unnatural, yes, so low I came...:bigsmile: It would mean to pretend to be someone else. With no real hobbies and interests-what would we do together...

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

@Very Shy....No real hobbies or interests? Or, do you mean you don't have any hobbies or interests a girl would find appealing. From your profile you stated you're interested in Astronomy and Football.........That's cool! There are definitely women out there that would find that interesting. Don't be so quick to discount yourself.
Once you go on your first date, it's a lot easier........

 

[JackOfSpades]

I agree, I think something that helps is pursuing your own interests, even if they be solitary. People are attracted to knowledgeable or talented people in all kinds of endeavors. It shows a passion and dedication and those are attractive qualities to a lot of people.

 

[recluse]

a woman i am friends with and who i have feelings for has invited me to her country to celebrate nye. I went four years ago and i got too anxious in th crowds so i messed up. I feel as if she is only inviting me out of pitty, loike last year i turned down her offer. She likes going to discos and im shi*ing myself. She does not drink so i dont want to get drunk in front of her

 

[dottie]

not all women like loud places. speaking as a woman, the last place i want to be in is a club or bar! lots of women prefer quiet walks, going to the bookstore together, being at home and reading, visiting gardens, sightseeing, dining.

this woman friend of yours... you don't sound that compatible with in real life. don't force a puzzle piece in just because it is a puzzle piece.

 

[gummybear22]

don't force a puzzle piece in just because it is a puzzle piece.

EXACTLY!!!

i'm a girl, and clubs and loud stuff isn't how i roll. partly cuz i have sensitive ears, and partly cuz i'm not a public dancer, much less that sleezy type of dance they do in clubs.

@very_shy
there's girls interested in what you like to do. for example, i love astronomy, and like long walks and football, if you mean soccer. i even played soccer for 3 or 4 years. i'm only one person in 7billion+ so it's uber unlikely that i'm the only one that shares interests with you.

 

[coyote]

the whole purpose of dating is finding out about the other person to see if the two of you are compatible enough to take the relationship further

you don't have to have it all figured out before hand

that's the whole point

focus on the process, not the end result

 

[very_shy]

@ ImNotMyIllness and @gummybear22: thanks...with football (soccer) I actually mean more watching and playing management simulations. :bigsmile: And, dottie, thumbs up for your last sentence.

I think the general problem, occuring with the (perceived or not) lack of hobbies, is the fear on how to take initiative do to things. Let's say you invite an opposite gender, first for a drink, then movie, or it can be anything else... The fear is that for 2-3 times it will be ok, but then, your pool of acitivities/suggestions will drain. And so, she will need to take initiative, let's go there, there... Slowly, but steadily, there is a threat the other person will see us boring and it will go downhill. I know this may not be true later, but it is just one side of some fears...

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

@ ImNotMyIllness and @gummybear22: thanks...with football (soccer) I actually mean more watching and playing management simulations. :bigsmile: And, dottie, thumbs up for your last sentence.

I think the general problem, occuring with the (perceived or not) lack of hobbies, is the fear on how to take initiative do to things. Let's say you invite an opposite gender, first for a drink, then movie, or it can be anything else... The fear is that for 2-3 times it will be ok, but then, your pool of acitivities/suggestions will drain. And so, she will need to take initiative, let's go there, there... Slowly, but steadily, there is a threat the other person will see us boring and it will go downhill. I know this may not be true later, but it is just one side of some fears...

@ Very Shy. I see your point. I've shielded myself for a very long time and have not dated........That will be a challenge.