Why do peoples opinions change so much?

[recluse]

I've visited a girl in Poland twice now. She hasn't made it clear whether she wants a relationship o'r anything. We keep in touch by emails and text messages and it's as if her attitude changes by the way she writes messages. For example in a message she'll call me handsome and she'll mention how she wishes i was over there with her, and she'll be asking when i'll be visiting her again. Then in the next few messages it's as if she's a diferent person...Not unpleasant in any way but more standoffish..As if i am more of an aqquaintance.

Because of my ocd tendencies my thoughts will be working overtime, and i will be analyzing too much which makes me depressed. For instance on the social networking site we met on she has added two more guys to her contacts, and she only has two female contacts compared to a lot of male contacts. Maybe i'm too insecure but again my mind works overtime when i see the guys on her contacts, and i can't help thinking i am inferior to them...That they are more good looking and have better prospects than i have. I also know from the social website we met on when she is online and i think she is ignoring me and chatting to another guy.

Am i overanalyzing everything? Do you think i am too reliant on female attention to be happy?

 

[dottie]

for someone who is living in another country and hasn't committed to you, yeah, you are relying too much on her for happiness. perhaps you should bring up commitment since it seems important to you. see what she thinks.

 

[siriusblack]

perhaps you are, but no harm in that, anyway, she may well be attracted to you alone, because she calls you handsome etc, and the other part may be human psychology, as in, people don't always show how they feel, then again, what do i know about all this

 

[GloomySunday]

Social networking sites mirror real life in a sense.

You said that she has other males on her contact list? That's no different to her making and having male friends at work or in life, is it? It's clearly making you jealous, though, which means that you probably feel more for her than she does for you. This is why it's causing you so much pain and is causing you to view these other men as potential "competition" for her affections.

It will do you no good to consider them as "better" than you, that's just negative thinking. They're just different, that's all. Different people bring different things to our lives. You offer something different to her that these people cannot and vice versa. We all have our qualities, things that people like us for.

If you're not actually in a relationship with her (or talking about having one) then she's quite at liberty to do as she pleases, as much as that may hurt your feelings.

Try to be realistic about it, though, and look at the positives. Being able to visit a foreign country and have a friend there to welcome you and to show you around is a wonderful thing. You must have some good memories of your time there, surely?

Why not take a leaf out of her book and make some new friends yourself? Who knows? Maybe you'll find someone special, who you have more in common with, and someone more likely to reciprocate your feelings.

I wish you all the best with this.

 

[recluse]

Thanks for your replies.