WHY DO PEOPLE DEBATE IF IM GAY/ what to do?

[slicknsly]

I have had this happen on a few occasions. It seems to happen when I go to school at a point in time through the year when everyone in the class begins to socialize, but I stay quiet (math class more so because I need to concentrate most), I can not concentrate when other talk to me and dont work well in groups. When they hear me talk over the phone or in person one on one outside of class or other places they have no problems. I dont talk with a lisp or anything like that. I know they think this because later in the year I over hear girls say stuff amongst themselves like is he gay? Now no dude has ever said faggot to my face or anything like that, but if they did I would slug em in the face. When I over hear girls saying stuff like this and giggling it gets me really anxious because it seems all the attention is on me and its bad attention. I have a girlfriend (1 year now), and dont want to go through the anxious feelings of trying to flirt with girls since it would only end up in unloyalty, and I dont talk with too many dudes cause I lack social skills besides sports talk.......So I am asking you,
1) Do I plain out look like a gay guy or what?
2) How do I overcome this?(I think meds to become sociable in large groups, even though I have no insurance at this point).
3) Have you had any past experiences like this?
Finally, when this problem it comes up kills me, and makes me want to hurt someone.

-DISCLAIMER. Though it may seem I make out being gay a bad thing, I have no problems against that lifestyle. People can do what they want.

 

[THE LIVING QUESTION]

Dude RELAX! Girls just like to play with our heads, and they know that's a sure fire way to get you from 0 to 60 in under 10 seconds. They wanna see IF you will snap, and then it will just get worse. The girls saying that could be bisexual or lesbian themself, how would you know? ever think of just saying, hi? Dude, they love us! or they wouldnt make the bother, you just gotta know that and approach them on that tip, regardless of what they say. you have their attention means you are in control of them! Trust me they really don't know WHAT to think. You gotta show em, that its all cool, whatever they say. Peace Bro and good luck.

 

[THE LIVING QUESTION]

One more thing, bad attention IS good attention in my book. Most people are easily confused as to the difference anyway. dude everybody hates crime but loves mobster movies, wtf is that?

 

[Hellhound]

You don't have to flirt with anyone in order to not be called that, and you don't have to be a social butterfly either... Most people are stupid, probably these people were doing that on purpose to make you angry, or they just have a wrong concept about males, or they are just dumb people. Don't take them too seriously, you don't have to prove anything, you know who you are, their words won't change that. Just leave them rot.

 

[thursdays_child]

You do sound rather homophobic, whether you mean to sound that way or not.

Anyway, you don't look gay, but you don't look not gay either. You know why? There are people of all types that are gay. Some people are flamboyant, but there are just as many or more who are not.

 

[Mikey]

There's nothing wrong with being gay, and it's not a "lifestyle". Just thought I'd throw it out there for anyone reading this thread.

If people are harassing you, you should tell an official at your school (or ask a parent to). Yes, even if you're straight. If they're calling you gay to hurt you, they're verbally gay bashing you/sexually harassing you, and that's not allowed in school. They could even be suspended.

If nobody is directly harassing you, you should try to tell yourself not to care. So what if people think you're gay? How does that hurt you? You don't owe anybody an explanation about who you're attracted to, that's nobody's business except you and whoever you want to share it with. You have to remind yourself though that there's zero wrong with being gay. You have a girlfriend, it's not like rumors are hurting your dating life.

Most gay people don't "look gay", FYI. Most gay men don't have a lisp, don't act feminine, etc...you'd have no idea. Hell, half of the people that are talking about you are probably bisexual or gay (homophobia being a route to beating up what's inside them).

You look like a regular, handsome, straight or bi or gay teenager. You look like just a regular dude who could be anybody or anything. You don't look like RuPaul or any other stereotype. So relax. Remind yourself they're just foolish and ignorant, and remember your girlfriend. You'll be okay. Maybe you could talk to her about it.

 

[Dronee]

Why not go all out with the sports part? I mean you seem to be pretty athletic... And if you can do sports talk, just go on and talk about it. Really sporty guys are like the opposite in image to a 'gay'. (Hey... I'm still around... Seems still have some time after work)

 

[BlueDays]

Firstly, like the others said, I also believe you do not possess any physical attributes that could give some ignorant person the impression you are gay.
Secondly, I agree with Dronee, maybe when you are around people at school, use your sports talk to get into the conversation.
Thirdly, I don't know if this will help or not. When I was in high school I liked this really nice guy in a different math class. When I told my friend this, she blurted out "oh I reckon he's Gay". When I asked her why, she said "because he talks so softly". So while you should not have to feel that you need to change your voice for anyone, maybe your voice may have made those ignorant girls wrongly assume that you might be gay that day?

 

[Krista]

Sounds like a bunch of assholes. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that lol but don't listen to them. There is no actual gay look unless you want to be stereotypical. Sounds like they're just trying to be rude because you're not as social as other people, also people just do stuff like that to hurt others for no reason. It's called being a moron and I think it's nice that you're not willing to flirt with girls just to prove it. Tell them Chuck Norris ends up calling you for back up so not to mess with you, joking of course. Just threw that in for a chuckle but don't listen to them, even though it's hard. And you do have very beautiful eyes. That's a plus!

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

1) Do I plain out look like a gay guy or what?

No. People claim there is something called "Gayface." And it's absolutely ridiculous. There are some gay men who try to act and look feminine, but there is certainly no physically defining traits/features that would identify someone as "gay."

2) How do I overcome this?(I think meds to become sociable in large groups, even though I have no insurance at this point).

Meds alone aren't going to help you a great deal. You might need to see a psychologist. I would suggest meds + threapy, seeing as they generally work well together.

3) Have you had any past experiences like this?

Starting from around age 14, I remember being called a Lesbian at some point. Why? The girls always used to ask what guys I was interested in, but the problem was that I was never interested in "guys," well, definitely not the guys in my school. I just didn't care about sexuality, or how "cute" that random guy was.
Seeing as I displayed no interest in men, it was only natural that they presume I was gay. *facepalm*

I'm still not very interested in men, or women. My parents probably think I'm gay too. ::

People are like this.

 

[Krista]

No. People claim there is something called "Gayface." And it's absolutely ridiculous. There are some gay men who try to act and look feminine, but there is certainly no physically defining traits/features that would identify someone as "gay."


Meds alone aren't going to help you a great deal. You might need to see a psychologist. I would suggest meds + threapy, seeing as they generally work well together.



Starting from around age 14, I remember being called a Lesbian at some point. Why? The girls always used to ask what guys I was interested in, but the problem was that I was never interested in "guys," well, definitely not the guys in my school. I just didn't care about sexuality, or how "cute" that random guy was.
Seeing as I displayed no interest in men, it was only natural that they presume I was gay. *facepalm*

I'm still not very interested in men, or women. My parents probably think I'm gay too. ::

People are like this.

I've been called a lesbian before as well because no one ever sees me staring at guys with my tongue out who are considered "hot" but I also don't like guys who people would consider to have conventional looks. Long hair and a good personality are my weakness. It's perfectly alright to not be interested in anyone because sometimes that just what we need.

 

[this_portrait]

You look like a lot of straight guys I've come across, but, like everyone else has been saying, you don't have to look a certain way to be straight, gay, bi, etc. Just ignore those people, because obviously their opinions of you are false. If you consider yourself straight, then there's nothing to worry about.

 

[Harleyq]

Bah! Screw those people! I've had a couple of straight guy friends that people assumed were gay for whatever reason...usually because they weren't "typical guys" who liked to tell d-ck jokes and then go out and get drunk with strippers or women they met in bars. Which is pretty stupid to make decisions about sexual orientation based on that.

And you don't look gay at all, to me.

 

[Mikey]

Why not go all out with the sports part? I mean you seem to be pretty athletic... And if you can do sports talk, just go on and talk about it. Really sporty guys are like the opposite in image to a 'gay'. (Hey... I'm still around... Seems still have some time after work)

Just want to point out, that there are tons and tons of masculine, athletic gay men who are closeted (and out of the closet). I know a lot of gay men who are obsessed with sports.

 

[Halleluja]

I'm not gay, yet some people have asked me if I am, including my psychotherapist. They think I'm gay because I've never had a girlfriend. In general, I don't give a damn what people think of me, but when they get the nerve to ask 'Are you really sure?' I do get pissed off. As if I'm too stupid to know what turns me on and off.

 

[THE LIVING QUESTION]

Hey if you looked gay...Bro i would tell you. As a matter of fact if you looked gay and asking this question in public like you are, i wouldn't be able to resist telling you so...
you would have been asking for the punchline. don't worry you didn't set off any gay-dar, gay alerts...whatever they're supposed look like anyway.

 

[slicknsly]

Thanks 4 all the input. My biggest fear was having some type of feminine look. Getting complimented on eye color (by a friend once too. to boot it was in the middle of football practice. lol) also has to do with me thinking I look feminine, if i could, i would trade them for black eyes which look badass. Thanks though. Many on here as I see from past threads are not good at taking compliments, I am part of that group.

 

[AGR]

I have had this happen on a few occasions. It seems to happen when I go to school at a point in time through the year when everyone in the class begins to socialize, but I stay quiet (math class more so because I need to concentrate most), I can not concentrate when other talk to me and dont work well in groups. When they hear me talk over the phone or in person one on one outside of class or other places they have no problems. I dont talk with a lisp or anything like that. I know they think this because later in the year I over hear girls say stuff amongst themselves like is he gay? Now no dude has ever said faggot to my face or anything like that, but if they did I would slug em in the face. When I over hear girls saying stuff like this and giggling it gets me really anxious because it seems all the attention is on me and its bad attention. I have a girlfriend (1 year now), and dont want to go through the anxious feelings of trying to flirt with girls since it would only end up in unloyalty, and I dont talk with too many dudes cause I lack social skills besides sports talk.......So I am asking you,
1) Do I plain out look like a gay guy or what? .

No,you look normal,its probably your attitude,some people mistake niceness and passive attitude as being gay.

2) How do I overcome this?(I think meds to become sociable in large groups, even though I have no insurance at this point).
.

I really dont know,but you could bring up your girlfriend when you are talking with one of them,one time if you have a chance if they dont know about her,but this might not be enough....

3) Have you had any past experiences like this?
Finally, when this problem it comes up kills me, and makes me want to hurt someone.

yes lots,if you dont show up with a girls every now and then if you dont act like you would "hit" almost every girl then it will happen, I used to get angry too,but this only brings more problems now I only get a bit disconfortable,you cant do anything....

 

[Mikey]

Gay people look normal too.