Why do men *sigh* when they see a girl and then...
- Thread starter TooShyShy
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TooShyShy
Well-known member
You are right..its inexperience, you can see it. He seems more like a teenage boy rather than man in his late 30's!!!!!
I am still trying though. He has so many qualities that i like. Maybe i will start to throw some compliments in there. i do talk to him and try to be light and funny with him..always saying hello and acknowledging him. Maybe i just need to let him know MORE DIRECTLY that he is special to me. I have already done the homemade cookies, a holiday/frienship card, etc.
I know we have a ways to go..its just so hard sometimes. I see him laughing and joking around with people at work..laughing, joking, having snowball fights..but with me he just can't do that, so thats still difficult for me that he is so different around me. Its a good thing and a bad thing-get what i mean?
I am still trying though. He has so many qualities that i like. Maybe i will start to throw some compliments in there. i do talk to him and try to be light and funny with him..always saying hello and acknowledging him. Maybe i just need to let him know MORE DIRECTLY that he is special to me. I have already done the homemade cookies, a holiday/frienship card, etc.
I know we have a ways to go..its just so hard sometimes. I see him laughing and joking around with people at work..laughing, joking, having snowball fights..but with me he just can't do that, so thats still difficult for me that he is so different around me. Its a good thing and a bad thing-get what i mean?
KurtG85
Well-known member
It could be a lot of things... but if he is interested in you (as staring at you for long periods of time would definitely point to) it is most likely that he feels a large amount of pressure, embarassment and shame at the fact that he obviously knows he is supposed to ask you out and you are expecting/wanting him too but he has a severe lack in confidence in himself (whether it be in his capability to ask you out without looking like a schmuck, his capability to be stable, desirable, functional or whatever in a relationship, or, most likely, both).
If you have mutual friends, as I have suggested to you before, you should use them to communicate to him that he should ask you out or to find out for sure if he is interested. Not that he would necessarily be honest about liking you to a friend anyway because I know that I personally, in the past, have told mutual friends of girls that liked me I am not looking to see anyone and I said that purely out of lack of confidence in my ability to be pleasant and stable within a relationship. The best thing you can do to end both of your 'suffering' is to ask him out. Maybe he isn't ready for a relationship and never will be, that may be the case.
As I have told you before the thing that got me to ask out the first girl who showed a first hand interest in me was her subtly and then not so subtly suggesting that I need to "finish what I started" aka: ask her out. It was painful to force myself, but I was able to thanks to her clear intentions/desires. Really what it comes down to is whether or not the guy is ready to force himself to take that step. For me at least, the only way to gain that confidence is to have experienced some sort of relationship in the first place. Therefore, once again, the best thing you can do for him, if nothing works to get him to ask you out, is to ask him out. I would have never asked the girl I referred to out if I hadn't had a girl ask me out in the past. It probably is the best thing you can do for yourself too, because I can guarantee you are making a lot of mis-perceptions about his behavior and if you don't get to a point where you can look back and talk with him first hand about those behaviors you might carry a lot of mis-perceptions about men and their behavior into your future relationships.
If you have mutual friends, as I have suggested to you before, you should use them to communicate to him that he should ask you out or to find out for sure if he is interested. Not that he would necessarily be honest about liking you to a friend anyway because I know that I personally, in the past, have told mutual friends of girls that liked me I am not looking to see anyone and I said that purely out of lack of confidence in my ability to be pleasant and stable within a relationship. The best thing you can do to end both of your 'suffering' is to ask him out. Maybe he isn't ready for a relationship and never will be, that may be the case.
As I have told you before the thing that got me to ask out the first girl who showed a first hand interest in me was her subtly and then not so subtly suggesting that I need to "finish what I started" aka: ask her out. It was painful to force myself, but I was able to thanks to her clear intentions/desires. Really what it comes down to is whether or not the guy is ready to force himself to take that step. For me at least, the only way to gain that confidence is to have experienced some sort of relationship in the first place. Therefore, once again, the best thing you can do for him, if nothing works to get him to ask you out, is to ask him out. I would have never asked the girl I referred to out if I hadn't had a girl ask me out in the past. It probably is the best thing you can do for yourself too, because I can guarantee you are making a lot of mis-perceptions about his behavior and if you don't get to a point where you can look back and talk with him first hand about those behaviors you might carry a lot of mis-perceptions about men and their behavior into your future relationships.