Very long post,wanted to vent.I am feeling very guilty.
This happened over a period of two years.
year 1:
In grad school, there were 4 girls,including me, in our major. One was my roommate.She was very jealous,insecure, abusive, yelled, belittled and spied on me 24/7.I got irritated and wrote something really nasty about her in my journal and she read it when I was out. all hell broke loose. she( & her bf) accused me of being a back biter, a dangerous psycho, went around pity playing, tried turning everyone against me but no one supported her and she hated me for that.My health & grades failed MISERABLY and this pleased the bully who did extremely well in class.
I was good friends with the other two girls(let's call them A&B) who disliked the bully.The bully put the blame on me. By second semester, the bully started behaving in a cloyingly sweet manner with the other 2 girls.
In the second sem, I started having problems with the other 2 girls.One day, I was very stressed out with an assignment. Girl A offered to help and I did not respond. I think I shrugged her off .The next day she spewed venom on me, I started crying and she looked smug.A few days later, she screamed at me in front of everyone for not helping her friend (girl B) with some project. This time, I started avoiding her. Her conscience pricked her, she called up and cried saying that she missed me etc. I consoled her and things were back to normal.
Around this time, the bully patched up with me albeit with a disgusted look on her face.She realized that she had no other choice as no one was supporting her. I was very naive. I accepted her wholeheartedly and complimented her on being such a nice person. This surprised her a lot and she looked very happy.This time around her behavior was impeccable.There were a few jabs here and there but otherwise she was super nice. It looked like she was well aware of her past behavior and was trying real hard to be nice with everyone.
Now, We hung out as a gang of 4. Girl A decided to throw a party. I had a massive tooth ache and wanted to take rest.She kept over-persisting me to come to her party and I kept saying no as I really wanted to stay at home.For the next 3 months, she gave me a massive cold shoulder,looked at me with disgust every time she had to ask me something,replied to my questions in monosyllables and did not invite me to any of her parties after that. One day, I was doing an assignment with girl B and I made a mistake. Girl B said aloud "How can a girl be so useless?" in front of others.Everyone looked shocked.It was so humiliating. The ice with girl A finally thawed after 3 months and she became friendly with me but looked embarrassed doing so.
year 2:
My lease was up for the year and I moved in with a senior whom the bully knew well. When I informed this to the bully, she looked very uncomfortable.The senior became fond of me and one day during casual conversation, told me about some very disrespectful comments the bully had made about girl A.
I was shocked and was like "If this was the amount of respect she has for girl A who was so nice to her, then I don't want to know what she has been saying about me to others".It was obvious that the bully had bitched about me to the senior and that was why she looked so uncomfortable.I started distancing myself slowly from all the girls. I felt too uncomfortable with them.The bully was very nice to me and called me out twice but I refused. she got the hint that I was trying to avoid her and stopped talking to me. Then I did something stupid.I called this bully to wish her on her birthday. I also happened to mention that I was working as a research analyst in a lab. The bully got shocked for a few seconds but did not ask me anything about it.Later, she called the senior and asked "I came to know from a trusted source that X(me) is working in a lab, can you give me more details about it?" .The senior refused to divulge any info and informed me about it. I got really furious that she had the audacity to violate my privacy again and started avoiding her completely.This angered her and she tried yelling at me again in class but I disregarded her completely.
We all graduated, got jobs and left town. I was still seething from everything that happened and before leaving called up girl A and told her about the comments the bully had made about her.After that, girl A never spoke to me again and I did not call her either. I cut all contacts with girl B as well.
It's been a few years since all this happened and the guilt is killing me. I have been doing a lot of emotional healing. Grad school is very intense and because of this drama my health and career got ruined.I am not saying I am perfect and those girls were very nice to me at certain times.I just wanted to let it all out and get some perspective.
Thanks
This happened over a period of two years.
year 1:
In grad school, there were 4 girls,including me, in our major. One was my roommate.She was very jealous,insecure, abusive, yelled, belittled and spied on me 24/7.I got irritated and wrote something really nasty about her in my journal and she read it when I was out. all hell broke loose. she( & her bf) accused me of being a back biter, a dangerous psycho, went around pity playing, tried turning everyone against me but no one supported her and she hated me for that.My health & grades failed MISERABLY and this pleased the bully who did extremely well in class.
I was good friends with the other two girls(let's call them A&B) who disliked the bully.The bully put the blame on me. By second semester, the bully started behaving in a cloyingly sweet manner with the other 2 girls.
In the second sem, I started having problems with the other 2 girls.One day, I was very stressed out with an assignment. Girl A offered to help and I did not respond. I think I shrugged her off .The next day she spewed venom on me, I started crying and she looked smug.A few days later, she screamed at me in front of everyone for not helping her friend (girl B) with some project. This time, I started avoiding her. Her conscience pricked her, she called up and cried saying that she missed me etc. I consoled her and things were back to normal.
Around this time, the bully patched up with me albeit with a disgusted look on her face.She realized that she had no other choice as no one was supporting her. I was very naive. I accepted her wholeheartedly and complimented her on being such a nice person. This surprised her a lot and she looked very happy.This time around her behavior was impeccable.There were a few jabs here and there but otherwise she was super nice. It looked like she was well aware of her past behavior and was trying real hard to be nice with everyone.
Now, We hung out as a gang of 4. Girl A decided to throw a party. I had a massive tooth ache and wanted to take rest.She kept over-persisting me to come to her party and I kept saying no as I really wanted to stay at home.For the next 3 months, she gave me a massive cold shoulder,looked at me with disgust every time she had to ask me something,replied to my questions in monosyllables and did not invite me to any of her parties after that. One day, I was doing an assignment with girl B and I made a mistake. Girl B said aloud "How can a girl be so useless?" in front of others.Everyone looked shocked.It was so humiliating. The ice with girl A finally thawed after 3 months and she became friendly with me but looked embarrassed doing so.
year 2:
My lease was up for the year and I moved in with a senior whom the bully knew well. When I informed this to the bully, she looked very uncomfortable.The senior became fond of me and one day during casual conversation, told me about some very disrespectful comments the bully had made about girl A.
I was shocked and was like "If this was the amount of respect she has for girl A who was so nice to her, then I don't want to know what she has been saying about me to others".It was obvious that the bully had bitched about me to the senior and that was why she looked so uncomfortable.I started distancing myself slowly from all the girls. I felt too uncomfortable with them.The bully was very nice to me and called me out twice but I refused. she got the hint that I was trying to avoid her and stopped talking to me. Then I did something stupid.I called this bully to wish her on her birthday. I also happened to mention that I was working as a research analyst in a lab. The bully got shocked for a few seconds but did not ask me anything about it.Later, she called the senior and asked "I came to know from a trusted source that X(me) is working in a lab, can you give me more details about it?" .The senior refused to divulge any info and informed me about it. I got really furious that she had the audacity to violate my privacy again and started avoiding her completely.This angered her and she tried yelling at me again in class but I disregarded her completely.
We all graduated, got jobs and left town. I was still seething from everything that happened and before leaving called up girl A and told her about the comments the bully had made about her.After that, girl A never spoke to me again and I did not call her either. I cut all contacts with girl B as well.
It's been a few years since all this happened and the guilt is killing me. I have been doing a lot of emotional healing. Grad school is very intense and because of this drama my health and career got ruined.I am not saying I am perfect and those girls were very nice to me at certain times.I just wanted to let it all out and get some perspective.
Thanks
