Who are you?

CosmicNeurotica

CosmicNeurotica

Banned
Who are you? What do you think?
You're a person like I am. It's strange to think you are you and I am me.
But who are we really? Why do you think you aren't worthy?

I wonder why any of us suffer. None of us should. 100% of us are natural, normal people like anyone else in the world. Why do we think we aren't?
What is it that makes us think we don't belong? Why is it so hard for us to focus?

I struggle with these questions. I wonder why. Why anything? But why, when you're reading this as a person as I write this as a person.
Sorry if I'm being vague. It makes sense to me. It's just that you are me and I am you. Why do we struggle?

There must be some underlying reason.
But why do we really need to struggle when we are us. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with me. What are we really afraid of? And why does life work that way?
 
hoddesdon

hoddesdon

Well-known member
Well, I think life works that way because during 90% of human history, the Stone Age, if you were expelled from your small group there was no social welfare or refugee program. You were completely on your own. That is not a nice situation, and at that time quite likely fatal. During my long-running dispute with my former and unlamented employer I was told by a lawyer to keep my head down. So I suppose keeping your head down, or avoiding others, was a way to avoid causing further offense if you were already on thin ice. That is a possibility anyway.
 
mikebird

mikebird

Banned
Spot-on!

I've been looking for the answers for years.

You're not being vague, at all. I've been over-complicating this issue for years. I'd say that taking one's head out of the sand and having a different standpoint is important, but there is no simple answer.

Just by zooming - eg. my street, up to town, the country, the planet, etc... and the other way... does help by offering a different perspective... not geographically!

It's relating to people around me where I have the whole problem. I wouldn't make buddies of the Royal Family, or some tramps in... Singapore... when on a similar level, it should be possible. I think I've spend far too long investigating my own situations, and finding a way out.

Something simple, such as walking down the street with a broad smile every day might fix my worries, at the snap of a finger, but I know that it doesn't.

I guess that to completely STOP looking for the reason behind my plight, and relaxing for once, might be useful... but again.... tried before... doesn't work!

Like being in a maze with no way out. New idea (which always leads to failure :mad:) might be found in another person looking from outside, as an overview
 
F

FriendYourFear

Member
CosmicNeurotica said:
But why do we really need to struggle when we are us. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with me. What are we really afraid of? And why does life work that way?
Click to expand...

You're asking the right questions, CosmicNeurotica. You're starting to realize that there really is NO reason to be suffering and to be afraid. There is NOTHING wrong with you or me. This is really wise, and it seems like you're starting to understand the concept that social anxiety is really just something that our mind creates in order to try and protect us... even though we never really needed protecting in the first place! :)

The next step is to transition those questions from "What am I afraid of?" into something positive like, "How can I start to feel really good right now?"
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
i think that for many of us

we were led to believe at some point in our formative years - either intentionally or unintentionally - that we didn't measure up as much as wanted to to

internalized over a long period, it became part of how we identify ourselves

and often, by projecting that identity, it has also become how others identify us

but it's all fiction, of course

totally fabricated in our minds

now that we are adults, the challenge is to reshape our identities in a more positive way

we don't have the input from others (or lack thereof) that we had when we were young

I haven't decided if that's better or worse
 
D

dyingtolive

Well-known member
i am just a sum of all my past actions, which turn to my habits.
it started when we were born. we learned fear. fear made us chronically try to protect ourselves, but the doing makes us struggle and suffer. Actions turn to habits. habits make the person.

All in all, i consider it just a numbers game. The more effort put, the more the mind adapts. It can be painful, uncomfortable, wtf, to do this leg work but it must be done. The mind muscles need to be trained the same way..

Like Radiohead says, 'We do it to ourselves, we do, and thats what really hurts, we do it to ourselves... tenen tenen tenen...'

In each situation, there's a choice and a way to loosen up the chronic habit of fear. It's just really legwork.

For the ingredients, its pretty simple. One thing leads to more of that thing. I.e. Focus leads to better focus. Focus cultivates Focus. Panic leads to more panic. Panic cultivates panic. Being at ease leads to easier being at ease..

Sounds simple, I still suffer in my day to day life, why cant i do the simple things? Well its painful, its uncomfortable, its unsecure, its scary, even "yucky, icky, eewwy" and gross. It "CAN" f*cking suck.. and shamefully it all boils down to a lack of courage and Discipline (atleast speaking for myself, for me.)

In 1 second the mind can find a hundred diff ways to distract us. The mind is fast. Faster than we usually notice. Its not our friend, its not us, it is the way it is.
 
CosmicNeurotica

CosmicNeurotica

Banned
Dying, you just reminded me of this quote:
Thoughts turn into words, words turn into actions, actions turn into habits, habits turn into character, and character turns into your destiny.
 
Lanciao37

Lanciao37

Active member
coyote said:
i think that for many of us

we were led to believe at some point in our formative years - either intentionally or unintentionally - that we didn't measure up as much as wanted to to

internalized over a long period, it became part of how we identify ourselves

and often, by projecting that identity, it has also become how others identify us

but it's all fiction, of course

totally fabricated in our minds

now that we are adults, the challenge is to reshape our identities in a more positive way

we don't have the input from others (or lack thereof) that we had when we were young

I haven't decided if that's better or worse
Click to expand...

Thats how I feel about it, People lie,and give you false ideas when your young, When You find out this is fictional and its just something to make you someone you dont want to be (when your 11-12 I think) You become a bitter individual,And thats on top of the Horrific experience of puberty and highschool, you can get very stressed at this time and SA can develop from that (It did for me) and It can stay with you almost forever.

There are only 2 ways around that that I see-
Accept it and live your life in horror and dispair, be unhappy until you find something that makes you happy, which may not even happen.This is where most SA sufferers are at now.

Or get away from it,and start your life again as YOU want it, Forget about everything else you have done,And just get out there and do what you want to do, This is easier said than done though, Especially when you dont have supportive friends or family, But just say to yourself that you can do it without their help. I am very close to cracking this now,I think I will be this person in a year:D
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
I'm starting to know who I am, I don't feel worthless. I'm out finding what living is all about and it is a struggle, a roller coaster, and that doesn't change with or without anxiety.

And the real joy of life are the struggles you face and win despite your worst fears.

I know how to focus on the passions I have in my life, and use them to distract myself from the problems that used to overwhelm me.

Despite my anxiety, I'm currently living some of the best days of my life, even though it is hard.

Dreams= actions= results

Thoughts are like seeds left discarded to grow into dreams, dreams into actions, that turn into days lived more brilliant than can be imagined.

My current dream is to run a marathon.
 
Last edited:
C

carecrab

Well-known member
hoddesdon said:
Well, I think life works that way because during 90% of human history, the Stone Age, if you were expelled from your small group there was no social welfare or refugee program. You were completely on your own. That is not a nice situation, and at that time quite likely fatal. During my long-running dispute with my former and unlamented employer I was told by a lawyer to keep my head down. So I suppose keeping your head down, or avoiding others, was a way to avoid causing further offense if you were already on thin ice. That is a possibility anyway.
Click to expand...


that's your answer.

As humans it is our nature to be afraid to be expelled from the group, we wish to belong somewhere, nobody wants to be alone.

All i can say is dont be afraid to be yourself in this day and age, because if the people/friends around you dont like who you are, then they are not your friends. Also with me it was that when i stopped lying in my life, and just spoke from my heart people finally had the feeling they knew me.
So it may be scary to be yourself sometimes, but it can pay off, people will respect you more for knowing you and your ideas and so on
 
L

Lccska

Well-known member
I believe it's all a lesson learned. NOBODY has a perfect life 100% of the time. When I went thru my "big depression" life was bleek and dark. After I came out the other end, I appreciate everything more. Humans are frail and easily hurt. Hopefully we grow with each experience, otherwise we're doomed to repeat the same mistakes.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top