Shyness
Member
Hi guys, I'm new and I'm looking forward to being a member here! 
First off, I apologize for the following wall of text! My situation isn't anything unique or extraordinary, but I'm trying very hard to overcome my social anxiety and phobia, and I figure getting some thoughts out here would be a good step.
I turned 18 a few months ago, and though most teens picture images of happy futures and new beginnings, I felt nothing but dread and regret. I've been sort of going through the motions for 3 years now. Age 15 is when my "social phobia" really kicked into overdrive. I'd always been "shy" as they say, but this was extremely different. I wanted nothing to do with anyone outside of my house. I deserted my friends, stopped going to school and gave up my AP classes and good grades- all for what? A life full of fear and desperation? I've felt this intense irrational fear of being around anyone for three years since.
So here I am, 18 now, and I have the most limited social interaction possible. I recieve no love or friendship aside from that of my two parents, and I feel that I owe it to them to get my stuff together and start living in the real world as a happy, functional person. my doctor has prescribed the medications Lexapro and Klonopin. I hope they work and don't hurt more than they help. I'm also trying counseling again (It was a bust the first time), which terrifies me to no end. I hate having to take such extreme measures with medication and therapy and all, but it's become apparent that I cannot fix this problem myself.
So I need help, please, I'm really begging. I have no idea where to start. I have lived in this town for 2 years now and know absolutely no one aside from mom and dad and the in-home-tutor who home-schooled me throughout high school until I graduated. (At least I graduated, right? Whatever it takes). I don't know what to do. Do I join a club? Get a gym membership? Go to the nail salon and start chatting? It seems scary and nearly impossible to do any of those things right now. I just feel so defective as a human being and so utterly alone.
I want to fix myself but I almost feel as if I'm too far gone. I know that I am young and have time to get this under control, but I still feel like this phobia is something that is engraved into my psyche and will never leave. Am I destined to be alone for the rest of my life? I'm already envisioning the future as a 60-year-old homeless, jobless lunatic who scavenges garbage cans for food and sleeps in the woods to avoid people. I'm not trying to sound dramatic, but I can't end up living like this, yet I'm so terrified that I will. Please, I need advice, help, a shoulder to lean on, success stories, anything. I can't take being alone anymore... I gotta kick this.
First off, I apologize for the following wall of text! My situation isn't anything unique or extraordinary, but I'm trying very hard to overcome my social anxiety and phobia, and I figure getting some thoughts out here would be a good step.I turned 18 a few months ago, and though most teens picture images of happy futures and new beginnings, I felt nothing but dread and regret. I've been sort of going through the motions for 3 years now. Age 15 is when my "social phobia" really kicked into overdrive. I'd always been "shy" as they say, but this was extremely different. I wanted nothing to do with anyone outside of my house. I deserted my friends, stopped going to school and gave up my AP classes and good grades- all for what? A life full of fear and desperation? I've felt this intense irrational fear of being around anyone for three years since.
So here I am, 18 now, and I have the most limited social interaction possible. I recieve no love or friendship aside from that of my two parents, and I feel that I owe it to them to get my stuff together and start living in the real world as a happy, functional person. my doctor has prescribed the medications Lexapro and Klonopin. I hope they work and don't hurt more than they help. I'm also trying counseling again (It was a bust the first time), which terrifies me to no end. I hate having to take such extreme measures with medication and therapy and all, but it's become apparent that I cannot fix this problem myself.
So I need help, please, I'm really begging. I have no idea where to start. I have lived in this town for 2 years now and know absolutely no one aside from mom and dad and the in-home-tutor who home-schooled me throughout high school until I graduated. (At least I graduated, right? Whatever it takes). I don't know what to do. Do I join a club? Get a gym membership? Go to the nail salon and start chatting? It seems scary and nearly impossible to do any of those things right now. I just feel so defective as a human being and so utterly alone.
I want to fix myself but I almost feel as if I'm too far gone. I know that I am young and have time to get this under control, but I still feel like this phobia is something that is engraved into my psyche and will never leave. Am I destined to be alone for the rest of my life? I'm already envisioning the future as a 60-year-old homeless, jobless lunatic who scavenges garbage cans for food and sleeps in the woods to avoid people. I'm not trying to sound dramatic, but I can't end up living like this, yet I'm so terrified that I will. Please, I need advice, help, a shoulder to lean on, success stories, anything. I can't take being alone anymore...
I gotta kick this.
