What should I do about this??

[Halym]

I met a girl with severe SA.. I was told by her friend that she had severe SA.. Sometimes she would stop responding me.. So, I asked her friend what was going on with her.. She told me that girl's been suffering with severe SA..
It made me feel sorry for her.. I understood what she was going through because I have SA too.. One night, I cried, feeling sorry for her after I heard that people abused her for her whole life.. I tried everything I could to make her happy.. But I don't think she is ever getting happy.. After I met her, I thought that she could understand me fully.. And at first she did.. But lately, she has been avoiding me... But I feel that we're both connected and want to help her no matter what.. I really do... Is there any way for me to help her??

 

[James_phobic]

I think there is. If you can get her to engage in a supportive dialogue about her problem/issue. I've never met someone else with SA, but I can imagine that some things they're afraid of they wouldn't even discuss with people who understand what it's like. However, I reckon if you offer a sort of "unconditional support" approach, she might be less avoidant. If all else fails, I think offering her as much space as she needs is just as supportive gesture.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I'd just give her space and let her know you're there if she needs you.

 

[Halym]

I think there is. If you can get her to engage in a supportive dialogue about her problem/issue. I've never met someone else with SA, but I can imagine that some things they're afraid of they wouldn't even discuss with people who understand what it's like. However, I reckon if you offer a sort of "unconditional support" approach, she might be less avoidant. If all else fails, I think offering her as much space as she needs is just as supportive gesture.

How do I get her to engage in a supportive dialogue and give her unconditional support??

 

[James_phobic]

How do I get her to engage in a supportive dialogue and give her unconditional support??

You can probably just initiate a conversation, and ask her if she wants to talk about anything bothering her. During that conversation, tell her you'll be supportive and non-judgemental about whatever it might be. And that if she doesn't want to talk about it or she insists there's nothing wrong, that you're there if she needs you.

Her issue may not be simply her SA, but if it is, you can emphasize that you understand any difficulties that she might be having. Maybe if you open up to her about something on your end, she'll feel like opening up to you on her end.

It seems possible that people with SA sometimes get the illusion that other people with SA don't really understand their own situation specifically, or know what they're going through specifically.

Sometimes even with two people who have the same disorder, one of them is under the illusion that the other is stronger and less affected by it than they are. This can be one reason to cause distance and avoidance.

You might never know the real reason, but supportiveness is your offering, and that's about all you can do at that point.

 

[Sacrament]

She has to be able to help herself first, otherwise very little of what you say or do will get through to her.

 

[Halym]

She has to be able to help herself first, otherwise very little of what you say or do will get through to her.

What do you mean??

 

[Sacrament]

What I mean is that if she cannot find a way to make herself happy and climb out of that hole she's in, no one else can do it for her. There's only so much you can do for someone, the rest is up to them. You wouldn't want her using you as a crutch either. Show her that you're there for her and want to keep being there for her, but other than that don't force anything.

 

[Halym]

What I mean is that if she cannot find a way to make herself happy and climb out of that hole she's in, no one else can do it for her. There's only so much you can do for someone, the rest is up to them. You wouldn't want her using you as a crutch either. Show her that you're there for her and want to keep being there for her, but other than that don't force anything.

Yeah, you're right.. Being there for her is the only thing I can do, right??

 

[Sacrament]

Let her know you're there if she needs you, but don't push it otherwise she'll become pissy and impatient with you.

 

[Remus]

Banned this Halym user, hassling to many people via IM chat, even me! Thought I was a girl?