What made you a sociophobe?

[CPA23]

I feel like i have found a home here... thanks all.. i used to be a very social kid/teen/young adult.. always the people pleaser and just being a social butterfly.. i am now in my early 30s and i am angry.. i don't want anything to do with people except my mom and husband. I know it is because i have never dealt with everything i have been through but when you have been abused as a child in many ways, and criticized as a pre teen to the point of wanting to kill yourself, then having ex boyfriends who were absolute dicks, and friends who have betrayed you when you were beyond loyal to them, and having everyone who knows you either hurt, disappoint, criticize, judge, and neglect you? well, i think it is no wonder i am anti-people.. i don't let anyone in anymore cept the two mentioned. I hate going to do errands, i hate working, i hate leaving the house, i feel like everyone is out to get me. Those from my past would say what the hell has happened to you as i was once popular, but it was only cause i tried to forget what had happened to me but now it haunts me, i am so angry..the only time i feel at peace is when i am alone. I still put on the smile when having to be around family and friends, but inside i feel so alone, until now.. until i found this forum and realized there are others who feel the same.. anyway, rant over.. kinda felt good to get it out..
thanks

I know how that anger can just take over you emerald. I still struggle today at 25 with all the anger/frustration I have because I can't allow myself to trust others due to past events in my life. I also know how it feels to be alone as I am really struggling b/c I never felt comfortable talking to anyone about what I was dealing with since my teen years. I wasn't anywhere near popular in school nor did I have any close friends b/c I kept my guard up all those years. I have since let go of some of that anger that took over my life, but still struggle with the loneliness. I've been doing well so far this year, but it seems that recently I've been going back to my old way of negative thinking. We both have to learn to be a little more open and don't make our lives more miserable (A lot easier said than done).

 

[CPA23]

A lot of things...
I've always been shy around people, and it was brought to my parent's attention that I like to go home quickly after soccer practice (back when I was 11-12). I felt no body really liked me, and they make fun of me (I was always the punching bag)...some people just plain hated me despite my attempts to socialize with them. They were also already socializing with girls, something that was way outside my comfort zone at the time...

My horribly failed attempts with girls are also a major factor. I've been rejected more times that I would want to recall. Some rejections are permanently etched in my memory, one of which involved a girl overtly ignoring me while I talked to her.

As time passed, I grew bitter and receded from social interaction. It's not a fun thing to think about but...that's my story...

I am not a socially-developed person. It's like missing a few driving lessons and then going on the road with a car...you'll just be a disaster weaving through traffic barely getting by without getting in an accident...sometimes I worry that I may die alone because of this....and it just destroys me. I have almost no self-confidence or self-respect anymore.

That's how I feel too zav943. It's ironic because I'm a loner, but my worse fear is that I will die alone with no one to be there with me. I can relate to the frustration, bitterness and resentment. I just completely shut down (for various reasons) and became a social recluse. I just wanted to get away and wanted to be left alone. At 25, I'm a lot better now, but it is still a struggle to stay optimistic.

 

[emerald_star733]

I know how that anger can just take over you emerald. I still struggle today at 25 with all the anger/frustration I have because I can't allow myself to trust others due to past events in my life. I also know how it feels to be alone as I am really struggling b/c I never felt comfortable talking to anyone about what I was dealing with since my teen years. I wasn't anywhere near popular in school nor did I have any close friends b/c I kept my guard up all those years. I have since let go of some of that anger that took over my life, but still struggle with the loneliness. I've been doing well so far this year, but it seems that recently I've been going back to my old way of negative thinking. We both have to learn to be a little more open and don't make our lives more miserable (A lot easier said than done).

so true... thanks for relating to me though.. I have been working hard on it lately and am coming from a more positive place as the negativity is too toxic.. i am usually fine.. the day i joined this site, i was in a very bad state of mind and responded to this thread from that state of mind.. since then, i feel i have been a little more light hearted and trying to focus on the things i am grateful for in life.. If you ever need to vent, i am here.

 

[Ennae]

This thread is really interesting, there seem to be some recurrent themes. I think I always had a tendency to be sensitive and shy, but there were things in my environment that I believe made things worse - moving towns/schools several times when I was young, being bullied (verbally), and my mother's death when I was pretty young. I would say the absence of affection and emotional support in my family after my mother died was a factor.

 

[Teh Unforgiven]

I've always been shy around people. I guess it's to do with the fact I never socialised with people my own age. I lived in the middle of nowhere and my two brothers and my sister are 10 or more years older than me. And my mum always babied me. I alway played by myself. Thats also probably why I'm a video game addict too. I was also bullied in primary school but thats a whole different story. Not to mention I'm the only one in the town to not follow sports. I was always looked down upon for that.

 

[IAMN]

I was the kid that could never shut up. I was not bullied, I was the bully. I was loud and shameless as a young adult.

drugs + alcohol + stealing + conning ~ 10 years = SA, and a lot of guilt. At first I thought the anxiety was a byproduct of all the drug use... just paranoia. But it stuck around even when I kicked those things. Justifiable punishment for my many misdeeds.

 

[Carol]

We didn't have much money and in school I never had the "right" anything... the right clothes, the right hair, whatever. People used to make fun of me when they saw me coming from a thousand feet away. I became very self-conscious and just expected that anybody who saw me wouldn't like me, so I kept to myself.

When I got into young adulthood, I overcame a lot of that and made some friends and thought I was doing well... until, on a couple of different occasions, I overheard people talking negatively about me. I was crushed. I think that's what really did it.