What is a friend anyhow?

phobicphoebe

phobicphoebe

New member
Hi, this is my first post and I am posting out of desperation I guess. I have APD, lucky me.

Not surprisingly I find it hard to make let alone keep friends. My problem is that a girl at work and I have become sort of friends. It's been good getting to know her more and I have even told her some private stuff and let her get close at times or what is close for me, probably not a big deal for anybody else.

The thing now is that she is wanting to spend time with me outside work and I usually just say "Yeah, sure, let's do something. I'll let you know" and she just lets it go because she realises I am shy (probably what she thinks). So now she is asking more and more and I feel I can't say no any more. I really cannot do anything with her though and I'm not sure why. I say "yes" and then I never follow through. Why am I doing this? I am scared she will get sick of me being like this but I'm also annoyed she keeps asking. Why can't she just keep things the way they are instead of trying to change me to how she wants me to be. I don't know what to do. Any ideas? :confused:

Phoebes

 
A

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
I have this issue too...it's really hard. I find it's harder to stay on track if I plan it ahead of time...i will ALWAYS cancel.

the only thing that works for me is the spur of the moment plans. I always keep those bc i don't have time to think about it, i just do it.

maybe try that? instead of planning or talking ahead of time, just out of the blue say to her, let's go get some dinner after work. or whatever you think would be fun.
 
JamesSmith

JamesSmith

Well-known member
Do what you want to do. My opinion on what you should do is meaningless with something like this. This is a decision you should make by yourself.
 
Shade

Shade

Active member
It sounds like she's interested in getting to know you. This is a compliment. My suggestion would be to give her a chance. Maybe go for coffee or a walk. This is an opportunity for you to possibly make a new friend. She know's you're shy, so she will likely be gentle with you. Try to squash some of your fear. The decision is ultimately yours to make. All the best :)
 
phobicphoebe

phobicphoebe

New member
Wow, I'm glad I discovered this forum. Thanks for the responses and your ideas. Just knowing I'm not alone in all this helps. Yes, I think I am better spur of the moment too, even though I find it so hard to pluck up the courage even then because I might look or say something really stupid. I just don't want her to think I don't want to be friends because I do, but I know I must be confusing to her.
 
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