What if it's not an illness?

C

chained

1
people are born blind, it doesn't mean they cant ever see, or that they shouldn't have the chance too.. why couldn't ur illness change even if u were born with it.. u don;t want to become someone else because u are afraid of change, but u wouldn't be becoming someone else, ud be becoming the new u.. u;d never lose the real u, but u could improve a lot :) and there blind ppl example.. they have a completely different world.. a completely different way they see things and therefore they are different in their mind to, so it isn't just a physical comparison that has nothing to do with ur mental condition and beliefs, and btw I eat a lot when I feel bad..
 
combat

combat

Well-known member
Poppycock. There is more to you than depression and anxiety. Those things do not make up your personality. If anything, they block your true personality from being exposed.
 
C

chained

1
combat said:
Poppycock. There is more to you than depression and anxiety. Those things do not make up your personality. If anything, they block your true personality from being exposed.
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and yes I agree with this.. u seem really intelligent, the way u expressed ur thoughts just now..:)
 
mrb

mrb

Well-known member
i agree with combat ... but without the poppycock bit , what the hell is a poppycock anyway , anyone :confused:
 
lyricalliaisons

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
I highly doubt that my social anxiety will ever get much better. I hope it will get to the point that I'll be able to function & have a life, though. I hate living like this & want more than anything for my life to be better. I don't worry about changing into a different person if this were to suddenly get better (not as if it's going to, but still..). I will be able to be more of myself if my social anxiety is under control. I've had this my whole life, too, & it's a huge part of who I am, but it has taken away so much from me that I would never be afraid to leave it behind. I will always be myself, even if I don't have it. I will be more myself then. I don't want to be a social person, I just want to be better. I want to be able to have a job, to go to school, to have friends, to finally have a career I've always wanted, to be in a relationship & maybe even have kids some day. I want to be able to do all of the things I've always wanted to do without this thing getting in my way. It will probably never happen, but I still want it.
 
philly2bits

philly2bits

Well-known member
combat said:
Poppycock. There is more to you than depression and anxiety. Those things do not make up your personality. If anything, they block your true personality from being exposed.
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That's how I see it. It's more something that gets in the way then being an integral part of my personality.
 
diesel

diesel

Well-known member
da_illest101 said:
I consider it more a way to see things, rather then an illness
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this is an excellent way to look at it because , i think most people will agree , it allows one to see what the world is really like sometimes ... again u obviously have much more to you than just what you mentioned :)
 
Iseesky

Iseesky

Well-known member
Wow...That sounds really interesting! I think I have a basic idea of what you mean. Not sure I understand it fully. Basically, you're saying that having social anxiety and depression is what makes you...you? So if 'normal' people were all depressed and you were always happy, you'd consider the happiness a part of you. And, if you were to become depressed like everyone else you would no longer be who you were meant to be?

But, the question is would it make you a happier person? You say that it wouldn't. But, unless you've experienced what it's like to be without social anxiety and depression, you can't really make any decisions. You know what I mean? You can't say the grass is greener on the other side when you've only been on one side your entire life. Why would one not want to get along with other human beings? Why would one not want to experience all that life had to offer...bad and good? In my opinion, I am not my disorders. I am me. I am loving and artistic and caring...I'm not sad, I'm not depressed and I'm not scared. But, it's your decision, of course. I just hope you have tried/will try to experience the other side. :)
 
206Raider

206Raider

Well-known member
I've felt like this is the best that it gets too, but your wrong. Trust me on this, you can get better, anxiety and depression block who you truly are like combat said. I can't really tell you anything that you haven't already heard but everybody has struggles. I struggle with the same thing as you, I've always been the same way but I know deep down in all of us we have that fire you can't put out, and your true self is still there, your just uncomfortable but you can get where you want to be if you apply yourself. Which is the hardest part. And, also like da illest is saying as well you see the world differently, I know I do after my SA really grew out of control.
 
DarkSeeker

DarkSeeker

Well-known member
This is who I am... That's what I had thought for many years, but it was just a beautiful lie.

It's not who I am underneath or what I experienced, but what I do that defines me.
 
T

TheWall

1
persona said:
For most people it's obvious. They suffer from social anxiety and depression, they are ill and they need help, they need to be and they CAN be cured.
I'm not denying that at all.

But I believe that for me and probably for some other people it's different. I'm not ill. This is who I am. As a matter of fact, this is ALL I am.
I have always been depressed. I have always hated myself. I have always been asocial and outsider. I've always been bad and felt anxious at social situations. I've always eaten to cheer myself up. I've always been immature and hated the cold harsh truth of living in this world. I've always been in denial.

So what would happen, if it all would go away? I would vanish. My body would be left but my mind - it wouldn't be me. I don't want that. And that's why I never change. I don't want to change. When I think about words like "happiness", "friends", "confident", all I can think is other people living in other worlds. Ever since I was a kid and popular ones in school were the happiest and they always did good at sports. So happiness and sports became my enemies. I saw the huge distance between me and most people. I live in my own world, alone and it has NOTHING to do with normal people. I THINK I want to change and be normal because they look like they are having fun and because others tell me I should change.
But people never change inside. We can't die and be reborn just because we want it.

It's not that I'm depressed or socially anxious. I AM DEPRESSION AND SOCIAL ANXIETY, IT'S ALL ME! There words are wrong because I am not ill. And I do not really belong here either. Or anywhere. I only belong inside my head - that's how limited my world is.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks this?? Maybe someone there has been lied to as well?
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I feel exactly the same way.
 
DarkSeeker

DarkSeeker

Well-known member
persona said:
Thank you for your answers everyone. :)

But I still can' believe that inside me there's a person who could be happy and have friends and hold a job. If I ever met a mirror world me who was completely opposite of me, she (or he, I guess :p) would be all those things.

I watch movies and I think having friends, falling in love, travelling, just living you life to fullest, it all seems fun. But could I do it? No. Do I REALLY want it? No, I don't think so. Because when I try to do these things they change shape and become nightmares.
And this nightmare world only exists in my head. And it's the only place I know. As horrible it is and makes me feel like I wanna die, it's still a safe place for me. Kinda like home.
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Spending a lifetime in hell, makes me feel exactly like this. That what feels good is bad and that feels bad is bad, but that you don't deserve anything better. The 5 last words is something that could have comes directly from my mother's mouth.

I've never developed skills or even much of a personality because my issues limit me too much. For example, the reason I can write decent english is because my SA and depression made me turn to Internet for socializing and I learned english here, sitting at my computer all day long.
I don't have a slighest clue what I would do if my problems one day disappeared. I would have to re-build myself completely! :eek:
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I can relate so much to what you're saying. Being a total stranger to whatever you were meant to be, no personality no skills, sometimes I even feel like I don't know how to walk.

But writing things on this forum makes me realize that I do have a part of my personality that survived all those years of isolation, and that it's not true that I don't have any skills, even if they aren't fully developed.
 
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