What cured your SA...

[Kevj]

Technohed

You're not going on and you don't need to apologize for stating your experience (interesting as it is).

I know how you feel. I took meds too, and felt convinced they would really help me. The problem is, meds also convince you there is something 'wrong' with you and you are not 'normal'. This is somewhat dangerous - there is NOTHING wrong with you! Really! You are perfectly human, acting and responding to the world in a very human way.

You might laugh and say; "look at my life, I'm scared to walk down the street should someone LOOK at me! - how can that be normal?" So, nobody has irrational fears? Other "normal" people are fearless? Of course not. All people have various fears - yours just happen to be with social situations that hinder your life (naturally, since we are very social animals).

So, you're not sick or abnormal - you have been 'socially-conditioned' from early childhood to believe you are bad, wrong, weird etc. And you REALLY believe that - even though it cannot possibly be true since it is only a judgement you are making (most SF suffers know this deep down I'm sure).

If you're not sick, and there isn't anything wrong with you - why would you need medication? You wouldn't take medication if you were scared of heights, or feared giving speeches or...any number of other seemingly irrational fears - would you?

My point is; because you believe there is something inherently wrong with you, you think YOU cannot change by yourself. If you believe that, how can you realistically EVER change? Nothing else can change your situation; no drug, no doctor, nothing or no one but you can change or "release", as I like to say, yourself.

Your belief system is sending you incorrect information about yourself - this needs to change. It is incredibly difficult to see through that faulty thinking - but far from impossible, I know I am doing it. You just need to have the WILL. The will to have a better, happier life that you know deep inside you deserve.

Do you have the will? It's never too late....

 

[tecknohed]

Technohed

You're not going on and you don't need to apologize for stating your experience (interesting as it is).

I know how you feel. I took meds too, and felt convinced they would really help me. The problem is, meds also convince you there is something 'wrong' with you and you are not 'normal'. This is somewhat dangerous - there is NOTHING wrong with you! Really! You are perfectly human, acting and responding to the world in a very human way.

You might laugh and say; "look at my life, I'm scared to walk down the street should someone LOOK at me! - how can that be normal?" So, nobody has irrational fears? Other "normal" people are fearless? Of course not. All people have various fears - yours just happen to be with social situations that hinder your life (naturally, since we are very social animals).

So, you're not sick or abnormal - you have been 'socially-conditioned' from early childhood to believe you are bad, wrong, weird etc. And you REALLY believe that - even though it cannot possibly be true since it is only a judgement you are making (most SF suffers know this deep down I'm sure).

If you're not sick, and there isn't anything wrong with you - why would you need medication? You wouldn't take medication if you were scared of heights, or feared giving speeches or...any number of other seemingly irrational fears - would you?

My point is; because you believe there is something inherently wrong with you, you think YOU cannot change by yourself. If you believe that, how can you realistically EVER change? Nothing else can change your situation; no drug, no doctor, nothing or no one but you can change or "release", as I like to say, yourself.

Your belief system is sending you incorrect information about yourself - this needs to change. It is incredibly difficult to see through that faulty thinking - but far from impossible, I know I am doing it. You just need to have the WILL. The will to have a better, happier life that you know deep inside you deserve.

Do you have the will? It's never too late....

Oh dear. You obviously aren't aware of the huge amount of scientific clinical research, both past and present that has been done in this field. I've taken part in such research myself, & for the better of others I might add (interested in the details? just ask).

I personally have a very scientific based outlook on life where as you dont appear to have really grasped where I'm coming from. Its ok, I know how living with social anxiety can make people bitter - poor souls....

Have you considered that you may have me all wrong? I am actually fascinated by meds, not obsessed, and amazed by the mechanics of the brain & mind, and just because I may sound like a 'chemical junkie' well here's a shock for you - we are ALL chemical junkeies!

Do you have a sweet tooth? Is there a favourite soap opera that you must watch each episode of? Do you need coffee or tea every day (or ever tried going without caffien for a week)? Do you ever get a natural 'rush' from a good piece of music? Do you eat? Do you drink fluids? Do you breath oxygen? Do you see my point? I doubt you do 'cause you just don't think like I do. Fact - chemicals run our emotion & vice versa. It's all interconnected & everything has it's place - nothing is less or more important that another (yes I'm still talking about the brain, mind & SP, bare with me).

I'm currently feeling pretty good and am actually pleasantly gratified that I have your reply to my post.

I never tell people which way to go, only which way I would go. My partner tried 2 different anti-depressants in the last 8 months for her Social Anxiety & depression & like the majority of patients with similar 'conditions' she never quite felt right on them. Now I admit that I had 100&1 ideas @ what might be a better choice of drug for her, yet I was the one who suggested she come off them completely, 'cause I new that they simply aren't the way for her.

But I'll stick to my guns - psychopharmacology is an amazing subject, & every now and again I'll have a good bout of research about meds & such like. They aren't poison. They are magical molecules which can do magical things within the human brain (as well as permanent damage I dont deny).

Finally, and this isn't meant to sound crude in any way, there is nothing I've found better at making me happier than making love to my girlfriend.

I draw benifits and enjoyment from many different aspects of life.

I find it healthy to keep an open mind.

The end (for now). :? :twisted: :wink:

 

[lifes_to_long]

hypnosis helped me so much i know it sounds mad but i couldnt even leave the house b4 or talk to anyone where ever i went i was scared shitless... now i couldnt give a crap where i was it wouldnt bother me its seriously helped my confidence everything all it has taken is 2sessions with this guy and ive got one left but i feel magnificant.

 

[scaryfairy]

what helped me..

Getting out and doing stuff...
not putting up boundaries to what my "mind" can and cant do..
living more and realising that i am on the earth to live, and not to be scared.

I came off my medication as soon as i realised the drugs were doing more harm to me than good. I didnt want a tiny pill to control my life!!

I stoped thinking "i cant do that ..." and instead thought "I WILL do that"

this speech sounds like something a president would say!! :?
owell!! im in an authoritive mood!!

 

[Kevj]

Technohed

Oh dear. You obviously aren't aware of the huge amount of scientific clinical research, both past and present that has been done in this field. I've taken part in such research myself, & for the better of others I might add (interested in the details? just ask).

I personally have a very scientific based outlook on life where as you dont appear to have really grasped where I'm coming from. Its ok, I know how living with social anxiety can make people bitter - poor souls....

Have you considered that you may have me all wrong? I am actually fascinated by meds, not obsessed, and amazed by the mechanics of the brain & mind, and just because I may sound like a 'chemical junkie' well here's a shock for you - we are ALL chemical junkeies!

Do you have a sweet tooth? Is there a favourite soap opera that you must watch each episode of? Do you need coffee or tea every day (or ever tried going without caffien for a week)? Do you ever get a natural 'rush' from a good piece of music? Do you eat? Do you drink fluids? Do you breath oxygen? Do you see my point? I doubt you do 'cause you just don't think like I do. Fact - chemicals run our emotion & vice versa. It's all interconnected & everything has it's place - nothing is less or more important that another (yes I'm still talking about the brain, mind & SP, bare with me).

I'm currently feeling pretty good and am actually pleasantly gratified that I have your reply to my post.

I never tell people which way to go, only which way I would go. My partner tried 2 different anti-depressants in the last 8 months for her Social Anxiety & depression & like the majority of patients with similar 'conditions' she never quite felt right on them. Now I admit that I had 100&1 ideas @ what might be a better choice of drug for her, yet I was the one who suggested she come off them completely, 'cause I new that they simply aren't the way for her.

But I'll stick to my guns - psychopharmacology is an amazing subject, & every now and again I'll have a good bout of research about meds & such like. They aren't poison. They are magical molecules which can do magical things within the human brain (as well as permanent damage I dont deny).

Finally, and this isn't meant to sound crude in any way, there is nothing I've found better at making me happier than making love to my girlfriend.

I draw benifits and enjoyment from many different aspects of life.

I find it healthy to keep an open mind.

The end (for now). :? :twisted: :wink:

I'm sorry if I came off as lecturing; I agree psychopharmacology can be an interesting subject - though, they are not natural and, as you said, can cause 'permanent damage' to our bodies as well.

I think you have to ask yourself two questions;

First, What is wrong with me that I need to take medicine? What am I trying to fix?

Second, what kind of life do I really want to live? Deep down, Am I truly happy with the way my life is going? Now, if you answered 'yes' to the last question then nothing more needs to be said.

 

[tecknohed]

Technohed

Oh dear. You obviously aren't aware of the huge amount of scientific clinical research, both past and present that has been done in this field. I've taken part in such research myself, & for the better of others I might add (interested in the details? just ask).

I personally have a very scientific based outlook on life where as you dont appear to have really grasped where I'm coming from. Its ok, I know how living with social anxiety can make people bitter - poor souls....

Have you considered that you may have me all wrong? I am actually fascinated by meds, not obsessed, and amazed by the mechanics of the brain & mind, and just because I may sound like a 'chemical junkie' well here's a shock for you - we are ALL chemical junkeies!

Do you have a sweet tooth? Is there a favourite soap opera that you must watch each episode of? Do you need coffee or tea every day (or ever tried going without caffien for a week)? Do you ever get a natural 'rush' from a good piece of music? Do you eat? Do you drink fluids? Do you breath oxygen? Do you see my point? I doubt you do 'cause you just don't think like I do. Fact - chemicals run our emotion & vice versa. It's all interconnected & everything has it's place - nothing is less or more important that another (yes I'm still talking about the brain, mind & SP, bare with me).

I'm currently feeling pretty good and am actually pleasantly gratified that I have your reply to my post.

I never tell people which way to go, only which way I would go. My partner tried 2 different anti-depressants in the last 8 months for her Social Anxiety & depression & like the majority of patients with similar 'conditions' she never quite felt right on them. Now I admit that I had 100&1 ideas @ what might be a better choice of drug for her, yet I was the one who suggested she come off them completely, 'cause I new that they simply aren't the way for her.

But I'll stick to my guns - psychopharmacology is an amazing subject, & every now and again I'll have a good bout of research about meds & such like. They aren't poison. They are magical molecules which can do magical things within the human brain (as well as permanent damage I dont deny).

Finally, and this isn't meant to sound crude in any way, there is nothing I've found better at making me happier than making love to my girlfriend.

I draw benifits and enjoyment from many different aspects of life.

I find it healthy to keep an open mind.

The end (for now). :? :twisted: :wink:

I'm sorry if I came off as lecturing; I agree psychopharmacology can be an interesting subject - though, they are not natural and, as you said, can cause 'permanent damage' to our bodies as well.

I think you have to ask yourself two questions;

First, What is wrong with me that I need to take medicine? What am I trying to fix?

Second, what kind of life do I really want to live? Deep down, Am I truly happy with the way my life is going? Now, if you answered 'yes' to the last question then nothing more needs to be said.

Bring it on pretty boy! (hey just kidding)8)

A question - are you a practicing Medium? If you are, your not a very good one. It can get tiring repeating one's self but like I said before, maybe you actually have me all wrong. I mean, you need to have open minds dont you, you Mediums? I always thought that was a big part of it all. I still prefere Derek Acorah, even though he's a better comedian than he is a top Medium. (hey, those words nearly rhym. Maybe there's something in that ??? :? )

So I'm to ask myself two questions:

Question 1

"First, What is wrong with me that I need to take medicine? What am I trying to fix?"

Answer 1: Since getting the right pdoc (the top psych Proffessor in the South West I might add ), as each day goes by I'm feeling more & more my better self, my happier self & my favourite self. Later today I'm going to look at 2 German Shepherd puppies, hopefully to choose one now We have a house with enough room for a dog. I'll post some pics soon! I'm so excited! Oops, side tracked a bit there. Strange, I only ever seem to side track when I'm having fun - funny that.

Well your first answer is in the above paragraph - can you spot it? Answers on a postcard - (you already know my address if your as good a medium as you make out to be.) But here's a clue, well the answer actually: There's actually less & less wrong with me as each day goes by, thanks to my meds. 8) And I've forgoten what I was trying to fix, now that I'm doing so much better. A common phenomena the way we forget how bad things were when we're feeling better.

Question 2:

"Second, what kind of life do I really want to live? Deep down, Am I truly happy with the way my life is going? Now, if you answered 'yes' to the last question then nothing more needs to be said."

Answer 2: Yes thanks, I feel great! You finally agree with me on something! You're not so narrow minded after all! Nice one! This is more like the life I wanna live & I've suffered long & hard trying to get here! I've a long way to go but I know I'll get there.

But seriously, I've lived with myself and my thoughts, feelings and everything else that is me for over 26 1/2 years now. Do you think that there's even a slim chance that I know myself even a tad better than you do? Mind you, some Mediums are said to be really good at what they do! I just find that eery. 8O

One last thing - medicines aren't natural? What is natural these days? Are you a Vegan who only eats organic by any chance? I see 'everything as natural'. Everything comes from something natural, and even if toyed with by man, seeing as man (i.e. humans) is 'natural' and our ever-expanding minds and thought capacities are 'natural' then so are meds natural. Try crushing a pill and see the resemblence with flour - they're just molecules, niether more natural than the other.

My thought of the day (for my dear friend Kevj): Brains need exercise too!

 

[Kevj]

@technohead

I am glad to hear you're doing so well. I know how hard it is, really.

The only reason I knock meds is that in my experience they tend to divert from the real problem. I found by taking drugs (I took prozac and effexor) I didn't have to face up to what was REALLY going on inside me. For a while that was great. But it felt (for me) as if I was faking life.

I commend you for doing you research on the right meds for you though, many don't.

You didn't answer my question;
What is (was?) wrong with you that you felt you need (needed) to fix?

I found I needed to truthfully answer that question for myself before I dropped taking drugs.

The answer for me by the way was a, "absolutely NOTHING".

Look deep enough and you may find the same answer.....

 

[bluenow]

Xanax
Time
Sun
Exercise
Vitamins

 

[tecknohed]

@technohead

I am glad to hear you're doing so well. I know how hard it is, really.

The only reason I knock meds is that in my experience they tend to divert from the real problem. I found by taking drugs (I took prozac and effexor) I didn't have to face up to what was REALLY going on inside me. For a while that was great. But it felt (for me) as if I was faking life.

I commend you for doing you research on the right meds for you though, many don't.

You didn't answer my question;
What is (was?) wrong with you that you felt you need (needed) to fix?

I found I needed to truthfully answer that question for myself before I dropped taking drugs.

The answer for me by the way was a, "absolutely NOTHING".

Look deep enough and you may find the same answer.....

Your still living in the sixties! Too much acid mate!

But OK. I'll try my best to explain...

Whats wrong with me? I have SP, APD & OCD. If you want to know what each is then try google, or you may prefer Yahoo search (less adverts I find). Though I guess I cant ever expect you to understand any of it because there isn't anything wrong with you, apparently. Thats why you cant relate to me - we've nothing in common. Which makes me wonder why you're here in the first place if theres "nothing wrong with you".

ALERT! ALERT! INTUDER! INTRUDER!

Tip for kevj: open a dictionary and look up the word 'naive'. Then take some deep breaths and just relax...........

 

[tecknohed]

Xanax
Time
Sun
Exercise
Vitamins

Exercise definetly. And I must admit, since taking vitamins I've noticed an improvement too, like my body - or more specifically my blood feels cleaner. Pointless though without a healthy diet too. Guess you could call it 'micronutrient augmentation'. :lol:

I take pretty high amounts, so called Optimal Nutritional doses. How bout you bluenow? And which ones?

 

[tecknohed]

hypnosis helped me so much i know it sounds mad but i couldnt even leave the house b4 or talk to anyone where ever i went i was scared shitless... now i couldnt give a crap where i was it wouldnt bother me its seriously helped my confidence everything all it has taken is 2sessions with this guy and ive got one left but i feel magnificant.

I wish I had your Hypnotist lifes_too_long!
I tried it once & had 5 sessions before I quit. Problem was he was far too soft, gentle, like he didnt want to scare me or something.

Sounds like yours was strait to the point, which is what I was hoping for. Like the ones who make people quit smoking within 2 sessions.

Glad it worked for you though. Was it expensive?

 

[bluenow]

Hey Tecknohed

GNC (or whatever brands I think I can trust)

Multi
Bioflavonoids
B Complex

And definitely a good diet but the vitamins are easier to stick to

 

[robbied84]

Me, for a while it was a change of routine - moving out, getting a job, living with my partner. Life was okay. Unfortunately I'm now back to square one, back at my parents house and without a job and boyfriend! And things are worse than ever!!

 

[Kevj]

@technohead

I am glad to hear you're doing so well. I know how hard it is, really.

The only reason I knock meds is that in my experience they tend to divert from the real problem. I found by taking drugs (I took prozac and effexor) I didn't have to face up to what was REALLY going on inside me. For a while that was great. But it felt (for me) as if I was faking life.

I commend you for doing you research on the right meds for you though, many don't.

You didn't answer my question;
What is (was?) wrong with you that you felt you need (needed) to fix?

I found I needed to truthfully answer that question for myself before I dropped taking drugs.

The answer for me by the way was a, "absolutely NOTHING".

Look deep enough and you may find the same answer.....

Your still living in the sixties! Too much acid mate!

But OK. I'll try my best to explain...

Whats wrong with me? I have SP, APD & OCD. If you want to know what each is then try google, or you may prefer Yahoo search (less adverts I find). Though I guess I cant ever expect you to understand any of it because there isn't anything wrong with you, apparently. Thats why you cant relate to me - we've nothing in common. Which makes me wonder why you're here in the first place if theres "nothing wrong with you".

ALERT! ALERT! INTUDER! INTRUDER!

Tip for kevj: open a dictionary and look up the word 'naive'. Then take some deep breaths and just relax...........

@Technohead

That's the whole illusion that kept me and is possibly keeping you trapped all this time; you sincerely believe there is something 'wrong' with you. Something in side us convinces us of this - but when you look at reality very, very closely you begin to see it just ain't so.

As for these labels people (including myself) throw around like; SA, SAD, SP, APD and OCD, they are just that, labels. Your as normal inside as any guy, you just happen to have some specific 'problems' that come from inside which make your life more difficult than others - the cause of which, from my experience, is your own unique social conditioning - how you grew up, how you were spoken to and treated as a child etc. BUt, you, as a human being are just fine. You are not bad, wrong, stupid, ugly, dumb or any of those other negative 'labels' that wiz around in our confused heads.

In answer to your question; "Why are you here?"

Well, the title of the Forum is "What cured your Social Anxiety/Phobia or at least relieved?", isn't it?.

I have suffered from social anxiety/shyness and self-hate for....well, all my life really. Now I'm in my mid-thrities and feel like I've spent my entire life battling with some 'thing' inside of me. Now, after years of meds, therapy, books tapes, courses, retreats and...the list goes on, I can say I am on the other side, well towards a life of freedom and confidence.

Why am I here? Because now I have some space and clarity in my life I want to help other people who are going through what I did. It's hell, you want to kill yourself sometimes and you can't help screaming in your head, "WHY MEEEEee!!!!!!"

I have a fair idea of how you are feeling and I guess you are reading my comments from a very different perspective from me, one where self-hate, confusion and frustration rules - but I'm sure I would have felt the same way as you about my above comments a few years ago.

Trust me, it's different once you get through the hardest part - facing up to reality full on, no holds barred.

I can accept you getting pissed at me; calling me 'stuck in the sixties' and 'taking too much acid" 8O or that I might be 'naive', I've been through a hell of a lot and I've come through the worst of it, I'm not talking from a book or a therapist, only from what has happened to me during this often painfull life of mine.

I don't want to preach to you or anyone. I just want to help. How can I help but give my own experience? If you can't sense even an ounce of truth or honesty in my comments, then I guess, I'm wasting my time.......

 

[tecknohed]

@Technohead

That's the whole illusion that kept me and is possibly keeping you trapped all this time; you sincerely believe there is something 'wrong' with you. Something in side us convinces us of this - but when you look at reality very, very closely you begin to see it just ain't so.

As for these labels people (including myself) throw around like; SA, SAD, SP, APD and OCD, they are just that, labels. Your as normal inside as any guy, you just happen to have some specific 'problems' that come from inside which make your life more difficult than others - the cause of which, from my experience, is your own unique social conditioning - how you grew up, how you were spoken to and treated as a child etc. BUt, you, as a human being are just fine. You are not bad, wrong, stupid, ugly, dumb or any of those other negative 'labels' that wiz around in our confused heads.

In answer to your question; "Why are you here?"

Well, the title of the Forum is "What cured your Social Anxiety/Phobia or at least relieved?", isn't it?.

I have suffered from social anxiety/shyness and self-hate for....well, all my life really. Now I'm in my mid-thrities and feel like I've spent my entire life battling with some 'thing' inside of me. Now, after years of meds, therapy, books tapes, courses, retreats and...the list goes on, I can say I am on the other side, well towards a life of freedom and confidence.

Why am I here? Because now I have some space and clarity in my life I want to help other people who are going through what I did. It's hell, you want to ***** sometimes and you can't help screaming in your head, "WHY MEEEEee!!!!!!"

I have a fair idea of how you are feeling and I guess you are reading my comments from a very different perspective from me, one where self-hate, confusion and frustration rules - but I'm sure I would have felt the same way as you about my above comments a few years ago.

Trust me, it's different once you get through the hardest part - facing up to reality full on, no holds barred.

I can accept you getting pissed at me; calling me 'stuck in the sixties' and 'taking too much acid" 8O or that I might be 'naive', I've been through a hell of a lot and I've come through the worst of it, I'm not talking from a book or a therapist, only from what has happened to me during this often painfull life of mine.

I don't want to preach to you or anyone. I just want to help. How can I help but give my own experience? If you can't sense even an ounce of truth or honesty in my comments, then I guess, I'm wasting my time.......

Hey kevj,

I also think we'd be wasting our time (& everyone elses) to carry on this particular discusion/argument or however you perceive it.

If there's one question I still have left (& its not the first time I've asked it, I dont think), then it's this: despite all the different beliefs and perceptions we both clearly have, can you still not accept that your way isn't the ONLY way for someone, like myself, to get over thier problems?

How can you be so sure that my way of coping is simply aiming at failure, just because it didn't work for you?

You dont know half my story (niether do I your's) but I'd be willing to tell anything you'd like to know - via email, not on here. Maybe then you might at least 'understand' my choice of path better, or maybe not.

I cant hide it - certain tings you say really do get to me. Not because of denial, but because they 'hurt'. Like your last post:

"I have a fair idea of how you are feeling and I guess you are reading my comments from a very different perspective from me, one where self-hate , confusion and frustration rules..."

All just plain insensitive to me. Trust me, I gave up self-hate a long time ago.

And your perspective is actually very familiar to me I'll have you know - much of your current beliefs and perspective once 'came upon myself', naturally - due to certain life events. It just didnt 'fit' me. I became less like the self I know, the self I like & the self I'm comfortable with. Like my whole being just isnt suited to that way - your way. And I had to take action to change for I was heading for serious danger. Instead I now have my own costum built perceptions & perspectives, which I like & have taken years to create, configure & grow with. It aint perfect - nothing is.

Illusion? No Sir, my minds as clear as day, & when its not it knows why, knows what it needs and knows how to survive it - as fragile as it might be. Though I could tell you a thing or two about illusion myself. Again, email me.

Quick note on labels: I find them useful thats all. They help people understand what others mean & help familiarise things. And they help prevent a lot of confusion, as well as cause some too. They're no such a big deal. Certainly not worth getting hung-up about.

And a word of advice: if you dont want to preach to anyone then STOP DOING IT! 8O

I would think that I may have put a few people off me already with the posts between us, :roll: I hope I'm wrong. So thats all I have to say to you on the subject, here on this forum. Email me by all means.

It would be nice to think we could enjoy other discussions though, in any of the forums here. I dont dislike you. We just dissagree on certain MAJOR aspects of life - no big deal. At least we both know what not to bring up between each other, if we want to avoid going around in circles again!:wink:

Auf Wiedersehen!

 

[Kevj]

@Technohead

That's the whole illusion that kept me and is possibly keeping you trapped all this time; you sincerely believe there is something 'wrong' with you. Something in side us convinces us of this - but when you look at reality very, very closely you begin to see it just ain't so.

As for these labels people (including myself) throw around like; SA, SAD, SP, APD and OCD, they are just that, labels. Your as normal inside as any guy, you just happen to have some specific 'problems' that come from inside which make your life more difficult than others - the cause of which, from my experience, is your own unique social conditioning - how you grew up, how you were spoken to and treated as a child etc. BUt, you, as a human being are just fine. You are not bad, wrong, stupid, ugly, dumb or any of those other negative 'labels' that wiz around in our confused heads.

In answer to your question; "Why are you here?"

Well, the title of the Forum is "What cured your Social Anxiety/Phobia or at least relieved?", isn't it?.

I have suffered from social anxiety/shyness and self-hate for....well, all my life really. Now I'm in my mid-thrities and feel like I've spent my entire life battling with some 'thing' inside of me. Now, after years of meds, therapy, books tapes, courses, retreats and...the list goes on, I can say I am on the other side, well towards a life of freedom and confidence.

Why am I here? Because now I have some space and clarity in my life I want to help other people who are going through what I did. It's hell, you want to ***** sometimes and you can't help screaming in your head, "WHY MEEEEee!!!!!!"

I have a fair idea of how you are feeling and I guess you are reading my comments from a very different perspective from me, one where self-hate, confusion and frustration rules - but I'm sure I would have felt the same way as you about my above comments a few years ago.

Trust me, it's different once you get through the hardest part - facing up to reality full on, no holds barred.

I can accept you getting pissed at me; calling me 'stuck in the sixties' and 'taking too much acid" 8O or that I might be 'naive', I've been through a hell of a lot and I've come through the worst of it, I'm not talking from a book or a therapist, only from what has happened to me during this often painfull life of mine.

I don't want to preach to you or anyone. I just want to help. How can I help but give my own experience? If you can't sense even an ounce of truth or honesty in my comments, then I guess, I'm wasting my time.......

Hey kevj,

I also think we'd be wasting our time (& everyone elses) to carry on this particular discusion/argument or however you perceive it.

If there's one question I still have left (& its not the first time I've asked it, I dont think), then it's this: despite all the different beliefs and perceptions we both clearly have, can you still not accept that your way isn't the ONLY way for someone, like myself, to get over thier problems?

How can you be so sure that my way of coping is simply aiming at failure, just because it didn't work for you?

You dont know half my story (niether do I your's) but I'd be willing to tell anything you'd like to know - via email, not on here. Maybe then you might at least 'understand' my choice of path better, or maybe not.

I cant hide it - certain tings you say really do get to me. Not because of denial, but because they 'hurt'. Like your last post:

"I have a fair idea of how you are feeling and I guess you are reading my comments from a very different perspective from me, one where self-hate , confusion and frustration rules..."

All just plain insensitive to me. Trust me, I gave up self-hate a long time ago.

And your perspective is actually very familiar to me I'll have you know - much of your current beliefs and perspective once 'came upon myself', naturally - due to certain life events. It just didnt 'fit' me. I became less like the self I know, the self I like & the self I'm comfortable with. Like my whole being just isnt suited to that way - your way. And I had to take action to change for I was heading for serious danger. Instead I now have my own costum built perceptions & perspectives, which I like & have taken years to create, configure & grow with. It aint perfect - nothing is.

Illusion? No Sir, my minds as clear as day, & when its not it knows why, knows what it needs and knows how to survive it - as fragile as it might be. Though I could tell you a thing or two about illusion myself. Again, email me.

Quick note on labels: I find them useful thats all. They help people understand what others mean & help familiarise things. And they help prevent a lot of confusion, as well as cause some too. They're no such a big deal. Certainly not worth getting hung-up about.

And a word of advice: if you dont want to preach to anyone then STOP DOING IT! 8O

I would think that I may have put a few people off me already with the posts between us, :roll: I hope I'm wrong. So thats all I have to say to you on the subject, here on this forum. Email me by all means.

It would be nice to think we could enjoy other discussions though, in any of the forums here. I dont dislike you. We just dissagree on certain MAJOR aspects of life - no big deal. At least we both know what not to bring up between each other, if we want to avoid going around in circles again!:wink:

Auf Wiedersehen!

You've got me all wrong;

Like I said, I didn't come to this forum for a discussion or argument, I just want to help people who have suffered the way I did. When I see people like yourself expressing the same thoughts and believes I had/have it makes me want to help.

It's a new experience for me so I'm probably saying the wrong things and upsetting people who are particularily sensitive (like myself, and you?).

I would like to continue a discussion with you, though not if you are so 'set in your ways' as you may be. ? If you really have a deep down, heartfelt longing and desire to end the suffering yourself and indeed nobody deserves, I think I can at least give you something.

What's your address?

 

[tecknohed]

4 kevj

@Technohead


What's your address?

Right-Click 'send e-mail' at the bottom of my posts & choose 'copy email address'. Then just paste it into the address box when sending an email with whatever emailer you use. Thats what I do.

 

[Kurtis]

Honestly this is what helped me:

What helped me with anxiety, depression, and worry a lot was this book: http://canclick1.beatdep64.hop.clickbank.net . Surprisingly it actually helped a lot and it dosnt cost that much compared to other methods. I also tried the one below wich also helped a lot espesualy with anxienty. Its well worth it if you ask me http://canclick1.stew62.hop.clickbank.net

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Well, I'm not going to suggest 'my method' as being 'the answer', for the simple reason that: I still have not succesfully overcome my anxiety.

However, I had had some stints of progress -even miraculous progress. When I was with a friend and her sister and friends, I tried out a way of looking and approach, so that I could deal with interacting with them. Normally I have been very introverted, withdrawn, antisocial and negative around them. I put it down to the difficulty I have with groups of people, particularly with extroverted types, and how 'the group' tends to follow their rule.

The 'leader' of the group was an extroverted type and I found that we somehow crossed wires: that she dominated situations, was vain and self-centred and perhaps somewhat vacuous. But I mostly felt that she was domineering and made me feel sort of threatened, resentful and insecure.

I took all this information and thought to do this....

I figure that the way to balance and confidence is to bring in harmony two different sides. I believe that simply because two different sides are always in harmony, that therefore 'one side' only exists because the other does. THis means that: an extrovert can only exist in relationship to an introver. This means also that one is equal to the other.

Added to this change in looking at things -that 'my side' is equal to 'her/their side', I introduce the idea that because nature and life are unfair (one side is first and dominates, whilst the other is second or last) I figure that because my position is not dominant ('the group' following the extrovert leader and exroversion as being 'good' and 'right') then it means that I must become flexible towards this. Only because, relative to extroverts (certainly in this situation) I am very different, I can only adapt towards their way of being from a first basis of my own different way of being. ...I do this by accepting that I am 'relatively introverted/shy/etc' and I work on accepting and respecting and adapting to believing that they are this with respect to me. Basically, all I do is imagine that the very basis of me is introverted (relative to the situation) and that the basis of others here is extroverted. And I believe that i have this part of me that is this way, and focus on respecting only the same small part of others that is the opposite way.

I do the above because I notice that 'life is unfair' -that one side always has the dominant position over the other. And I see that this means that one person/side always has to be adaptive to the other side: and I use the above thinking/technique to allow my self to adapt without losing my individuality and also without trying to be someone I'm not -and therefore failing and feeling like a 'loser' because I cannot achieve it. I look at things and say to my self that every extrovert is also equally an introvert -that you are one and the other equally. ...if this sounds crazy, it can be accepted in the sense that: one way of being depends upon the other in order to exist.

(And I also believe that for people like me, the 'time has come' to learn to adapt to difference. That most still 'follow the crowd' and its rule that extroversion (the outer appearance of strength) is right and good and strong, and that introversion is wrong and bad and weak. And that, the 'leader' in this particular group (whom I had some personal difficulty with) is like an introverted extrover. She still gets away with seeing things from her point of view only and follows the perception that honors the dominant part of people (extroversion) -the part that 'looks strong' because emotionally she is still able to get away with it. I notice that her sister (my old best friend) told me that this girl (who is her sister) was actually really very shy and introverted when she was younger. ...this backs-up my belief that a person with a tendency towards being one way, also has a tendency towards being the other: but that perhaps, because some people simply do not get to experience a situation when they are more the other way, they do not get to understand this about themself. And, if my vision is correct, they tend to only see 'half of themself', and 'half the picture'.

....anyhow, that is my own little method. Did it work? ...amazingly, actually. I went from, probably, the lowest status in the group to all of a sudden respected and then -dare I say -actually even admired sometimes. But, I haven't been able to reproduce the same things when I took a job recently. Why this is exactly, I am still coming to understand.
So the above is simply a suggestion, and not my final word on it all.

 

[Icecube]

LittleMissMuffet,

did you explain this theory to your 'friends' and gained a lot more respect of them therefore or did you somehow changed your attitude due to this insight?

I can imagine them being flabbergasted by an explanation like that :wink:

As for my 'trick' I was referring to on the other thread, I think I'm going to save that for tomorrow as there is currently too much traffic on this site which makes it slow to type...