wasted YEARS

[lyricalliaisons]

Why dont you take a back pack trip to some favorite country?

Lol yeah, sure ::. Were you serious?
I have my mom to take care of for one, I'm afraid to leave the house, for two, I have zero money, for three, & I'm scared enough of the people around here, so having to get used to people in another country would be a million times worse. Plus, I'd have to do it all alone, which would make it even more impossible.

 

[Thelostone]

Just wondering if anyone else is going on more than a few years of wasting time because of social phobia? Im 23 , ill be 24 this July and my lifes been completely halted since i was at least 17 =/ (and i dont mean dealing with SP, ive been dealing with it all my life, but only these past 6 years has it been stopping me from doing much of anything)

I'm sorry. I can relate. I'm 18 years old and i feel like i can't leave my house. Constant negative thoughts running through my brain. I used to get drunk a lot, but now that i dont do that, its IMPOSSIBLE to meet people. I feel for you, this disorder sucks.

 

[CC81]

Since I turned 25 (am almost 29 now) I started getting depressed about where my life was. I never got to do the usual things in my teens and 20's so I always felt behind the 8-ball. I kept comparing myself big-time to other people my age (always a game you'll lose).

I'm starting to come to terms with it now, seeing the past as just that and can't be changed. It's hard to be positive some days because it feels like a large part of your life has been sucked into a black hole and everyone else is having fun. I guess what matters is 'right now', trying to appreciate what is.

 

[redski]

Since I turned 25 (am almost 29 now) I started getting depressed about where my life was. I never got to do the usual things in my teens and 20's so I always felt behind the 8-ball. I kept comparing myself big-time to other people my age (always a game you'll lose).

I'm starting to come to terms with it now, seeing the past as just that and can't be changed. It's hard to be positive some days because it feels like a large part of your life has been sucked into a black hole and everyone else is having fun. I guess what matters is 'right now', trying to appreciate what is.

I think it would be sound to say that a lot of people here on SPW feel the very same way, I am no exception.
You made a good analysis which I try to follow as well. The past is the past and it cannot be changed.

 

[Phaedra]

I've completely wasted my life, it's like I don't exist. What hurts the most is knowing what I could have achieved by now if it wasn't for this crap.

 

[Cosmotastic]

Wasted my whole years at high school.

I hope University will be different. If it's not I'll not know what to do to be honest. That's the thing I'm counting on, and if it doesn't go well... I'm scared what I might become. :/

 

[xxaimsxx]

Yep! It really hit me hard a few months ago when my mum said it had been 3 years since i've become so recluse. I didnt realise that was how long.
It was last year it got really bad so yeah i've wasted a whole year not going out as much. But have wasted 3 years being a totally different person.
It all started when i was 14.. i'm 17 now.

 

[illuminationSP]

I've wasted years, down the same road. I should be elsewhere by now. This house and this city is just a reminder.

 

[Al3xander]

I've had social phobia since 12 years old, but it has gotten much worse the last six years. I am 23 years old and I am currently studying music composition. I am at the first year of my studies, but I really doubt I'll ever finish them. Fortunately, even if I stayed at home most of the time these last years after graduating from high school, being depressed most of the time, I also managed to acquire skills which might prove useful if I ever manage to find a job. I am sure that I could have done a lot more, but I am grateful for those things that with great effort I accomplished...

 

[AimeeSP]

Since the age of 13 my life has been wasted. I left mainstream school at that age because of social anxiety and my life has not improved much since. Only little things have changed, like i'm able to answer my mobile now, and sometimes answer the front door whereas before i was too scared. ::

I'm sick of people looking down at me thinking i'm lazy because i spend near enough all my days at home and am unemployed and not in education. I would give anything to be in college right now or have a job. It's not like i haven't tried either, i've tried so many times and failed each time (with school, college and jobs). The worst time was when i tried my hardest to go back into mainstream school when i was 15. I was sick every morning from the nerves and everytime i got there i'd have on average 3-5 panic attacks within them 6 hours. Eventually i couldn't take all that anxiety it was exhausting me so much, it felt like i had down a 10 hour work out with the way anxiety exhausts me, plus i was getting so many dirty looks from people while i was panicking.

I wish i was different, i wish my childhood was 'normal' that way i may have more confidence in myself and be off to uni this year like all of my 'friends'. (more aquaintences than anything).

Anyway i've rambled on alot lol sorry ::, just having a really bad day and needing to let out alot of emotions.

 

[Al3xander]

I'm sick of people looking down at me thinking i'm lazy because i spend near enough all my days at home and am unemployed and not in education. I would give anything to be in college right now or have a job. It's not like i haven't tried either, i've tried so many times and failed each time (with school, college and jobs).

So am I. Everytime I've tried to discuss my problem with my professors the first thing they ask me is whether I am lazy. Even my psychotherapist asked me that. The fact that I am not motivated to study doesn't mean that I am lazy. It means that I am exhausted of all the stress and negative thinking that I just want to "escape" from reality by doing things that help me forget...

I sometimes wonder whether there should be special academic regulations for people with social phobia so that we could also be able to study and enjoy all the benefits of education just as people without social phobia do. For example, my professor has demanded that I ought to have overcome social anxiety by the end of summer holidays. In case I haven't I'll probably won't be able to continue my studies, as he said. His attitude, even though he've said to me that he comes from a family of psychologists and psychiatrists is extremely ignorant and I believe that he is not willing to deal with a student who might need a different approach... Anyway, I don't really care whether I'll stay at uni or not. What I care about is me being independent and currently being a student is an excuse not to be (even though I still work part time) so I don't really have to worry about that as well...

Sorry for my rambling. I just wanted to say that I sympathise with you, Aimee sharing my own experiences on the matter.

Love,
Alexandros

 

[Mokkat]

Im 23 + ½ now

Ive been idleing in life since I was 18 or 19. I've had very few jobs, bailed from an engineering-education and distanced myself alot further from girls and friends.
I practice playing music alot, my only upside. I only feel good about it whenever I jam with the band, because when I practice for myself or try to do produce anything creative, I always end up in a black hole of selfcritisism and doubt

I hate having to constantly trying to cope, instead of actually just doing.

 

[Tempus35]

I agree, I feel like I wasted all my last 11 years, I have had this since about 13, and all I did was do as I was told and sit and do nothing otherwise. It sucks.

Not only have I wasted many years of my life, but I have wasted way to much trying to find what I want in life. I bounced from college to college, wasting money. And now, even if I wanted to stop, I can't because I would owe so much back to loans, that I couldnt afford to pay them. I would have to get like a 50 hours a week job, and I cant handle that, I can barely handle 15-20.

 

[beals]

Wasted my whole years at high school.

I hope University will be different. If it's not I'll not know what to do to be honest. That's the thing I'm counting on, and if it doesn't go well... I'm scared what I might become. :/

I wasted my highschool years too, and I am now a sophmore in college and things are nearly the same. You HAVE to make an effort. You HAVE to join clubs. You HAVE to live on campus/get a job on campus/do something to be connected to the college life. I didn't do any of these things and I am still friendless for the most part, and feeling like a loner just like I did in highschool. It sucks, college is supposed to be full of parties and having fun but on friday nights I am alone at home. You have to change for college to work for you. I made small changes, but they weren't enough.

 

[Squishy]

Yeah I dropped out of Uni after 2 weeks in October, and since then I've been at home doing nothing, while all my friends are either at Uni still in school or working, because trying for a job scares me. However I've found some volunteer work which I do every Wednesday so at least that's something I guess. As for going back to uni I'm going to do an Open University degree instead, so more staying at home all day, tho I'll need to get a job by the time I start that next October or I'll hate myself more

 

[tmyah22]

don't think of it that way! theres alot more to life than the social end of it. you know its like if your lactose intolerant, you dont go my life's crap because i cant drink milk. you go drink something besides milk. so you know, drink something besides society and the whole prepackaged life (minivan and mortgage like you say) what would really be a waste is to live a life thats already been lived a million times.

"I agree
"

 

[mysissucks]

I sometimes get down and feel the same. But then I think, **** 'em. Why is it a waste to live a life that isn't conventional? Why is it a waste to live a life that isn't a neat little package that fits into a make money and make yourself useful machine??? I feel lucky to have this problem. I am more compassionate, sensitive, tolerant and understanding than those that go through life so shiny and "perfect" and popular. NO one's time spent or life is a waste. *runs off to do absolutely nothing alone* word.