Waste of time?

S

schist

Well-known member
Hi all,

Recently there's been this girl I've been trying to get to know, and her responses have been confusing the hell out of me.

She's normally very quiet and shy, but she says hello to me when we see each other and she doesn't shy away from body contact (hugs etc.). However, she doesn't seem to actually start a proper conversation with me (I always have to do it), and whenever I do, it seems forced and awkward (though that has to do more with my lack of conversational skills).

Now it's not like I don't know her, and I've tried adding her on Facebook, but have gotten no response - however, she'll add/accept adds from people she knows who are merely acquaintances? :confused:

So I've been wondering what to do here - keep trying to convince her to open up, or just give up altogether?

Your input will be greatly appreciated.
 
Seasons

Seasons

Well-known member
Every single person is different but I would say it depends on the strength of your feelings for her. If you truly like her then you have nothing to lose but keep on trying to know and open her until you understand how she feels about it.
IMO if you're just interested because she's cute then maybe it will be a waste of time at the end. Shy people don't trust and open up easily, it requires a lot of pushing and effort over a long period of time, and sometimes you won't get much in return because it is very difficult to put feelings in words. If you don't really like the person eventually it will just become too demanding.
 
kihira

kihira

1
I would say keep going and see where it goes. Don't let this be the only egg in the basket (have I got that one right?). and don't be too pushy. Read the "chase or be chased" thread
:)
 
Falkor

Falkor

1
Just keep trying, to have a nice conversation with her. If you really want to get to know her, you should not give up ;) You could think about asking some things, to get to know her right!, And you could ask her out, like going on a date?, if you have the courage to do that? Or you can ask her MSN.
Or add her again on Facebook?, Send her a message?
So many ways :)

GOOD LUCK!

X Flowergirlie
 
S

schist

Well-known member
It's just confusing - she doesn't act like she dislikes me, and her close friends (some of whom also happen to be my friends) tell me she's not the judgmental type.
 
kihira

kihira

1
schist said:
It's just confusing - she doesn't act like she dislikes me, and her close friends (some of whom also happen to be my friends) tell me she's not the judgmental type.
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Ask her friends if she likes you, and if she does, how she likes you
:)
 
S

schist

Well-known member
phocas said:
Ask her friends if she likes you, and if she does, how she likes you
:)
Click to expand...

I don't care all that much whether she's romantically interested in me or not - I know for a fact that 2 of my mates have tried taking that road with her and failed, so why would I be any different?

All I care about right now is being friends.
 
kihira

kihira

1
schist said:
I don't care all that much whether she's romantically interested in me or not - I know for a fact that 2 of my mates have tried taking that road with her and failed, so why would I be any different?

All I care about right now is being friends.
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Well then - she likes you enough to hug and say hello. She wouldn't if she didn't. So work on the conversation because this is how friendships are built. You may have to do all the work for a while until she gets used to it all.

I do wonder though if she likes you a lot, which is making her feel shy talking to you? is this possible??
 
S

schist

Well-known member
phocas said:
I do wonder though if she likes you a lot, which is making her feel shy talking to you? is this possible??
Click to expand...

Haha I doubt it, otherwise she wouldn't have had any qualms about accepting my FB friend request, I'd imagine. :/
 
S

schist

Well-known member
Another strange thing - I've noticed that she severs ties with any guy who tries to become more than friends with her. :confused:
 
kihira

kihira

1
Family from a culture that could disapprove?

You best line of info is the mutual friends; well phrased questions will reveal all and give you the ammo needed to form the relationship you want; you can also use them to relay your feelings to her .
:)
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
schist said:
I've never heard anything about her having a boyfriend at any time, tbh.

And she's really tight-knit with her family.
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Are they Catholic or very religious? Are they specific ethnicity that might require her to date and marry within the ethnicity/religion? (And are you within that ethnicity/religion?)

Maybe could she have had any bad experiences like being molested as a kid or harassed? Or any such bad experience with possible PTSD? (Though maybe/probably she wouldn't hug you then.. Unless it's a cultural thing, sort of..)

Also, this may sound very weird, maybe she's the ambitious type who wants to finish education and have a career, and she doesn't want distractions? (Maybe that's what everyone has been telling her to do, 'just focus on your studies/career first'?) Or is she maybe afraid that getting a bf could lead to pregnancy could lead to not having career/what she dreams of?

Or maybe they quarrel a lot at home, and she's disillusioned with the whole 'getting married/having a family' type of thing? Or maybe her parents are very demanding, and she doesn't know what type of bf to 'go for' or 'settle for/with' (does and/or doesn't want to make her parents' expectations come true?)
Just some ideas...

Maybe she also fancies someone else.. Or prefers you as an acquaintance only.. Or maybe she fancies you and doesn't want you to see some silly stuff she has posted on FB 'friends only', maybe might be afraid you wouldn't find her so interesting if you saw all her secrets - type of thing?
 
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