cosmosis said:
Ha...hmmm...Fear of being alone?
You know it's almost the opposite. One of the biggest problems with people with social anxiety is that we like the idea of being alone too much...
It's not being alone we are afraid of, it's being rejected, its being embarassed, its being hurt. We fear these things because we want to be left alone more than we want to feel companionship. IT'S ALMOST THE OPPOSITE OF FEARING BEING ALONE.
You could say that all leads to 'being alone'...and that's exactly right...because being alone is what we actually WANT. Ultimately we want to be left alone more than we want friends, because quite simply...friends cause pain.
You are looking at it backwards, although it is interesting.
So you think you want to be alone? Noone wants to be alone.
You think you want to be alone so badly that when someone is around you it casues you anxiety?
You know what kind of people are alone? those that live in their fantasy world and have their own friends there lol
We are social beings and being alone to us means death
Let me give you an example why you fear people.
We need food to live, otherwise we die, if food could decide who gets to eat it and who dont by random reason. And it decides this just one time, if you will get to eat it forever or not even once. You would be scared to death facing the food "an apple" for example because if it doesnt let you eat it you will not get to eat it, and be hungry and die. You would be scared of finding out the truth. Its life and death situation
So you would try to avoid that apple like hell, and tell yourself next time, i will try next time when your already so hungry. THen you feel that hungriness its so strong you will die, anxiety kicks in, then you start obsessing man i fucked up, look how down iam the apple sure wont like me, i sure have worsened my chances now
You would have to face that apple than
Anxiety would be fucking strong when you would be getting close to that apple,you would want to avoid that apple again though, but its no option you have to get there and find out, you would watch its reaction closely, like your life depended on it, and boom anxiety would be so strong that you would just run away man and die from hungriness lol. What you most fear of happening is going to happen automatically like in this example, you fuck up you end up hungry
YOu would be to scared of facing the truth
OK thats just an example, not a perfect one, but you get the idea.
We human beings came to the world long years ago, and there being alone meant death, there was no tv nothing, if you were on your own you would die at the time were dinosaurs lived. get it. now the human evolved but this part is still in him. With his evolution he learned new things, how to handle problems and so on, so the mind will always go for those newer learned options he has to solve a problem, but when nothing else works to solve that problem he will go back to the beginning, and thats the fear or flight response
you cant tell me your so scared of other peoples judgement that it causes anxiety for some reson you dont know
you cant tell me you want to be alone.
Look at people who want to be alone, who really want to be alone, they dont say it in panic, they say leave me alone go away! They are not scared of anything. You get it
Because they choose to be alone, its not threatening to them, they dont belive they will end up alone forever after that.
We are like the human scared of the apple, avoiding it, we are on purpose alone away from the apple at a safe place, yes, but what happens when you are alone for a long time, avoiding people for a long time?
Like in the example, anxiety just got stronger for him the more he avoided the apple. He got more and more hungry, he felt strong hunger which meant death to him. he got so unreal that it was over, he cant save himself from it,
Now even if he survived that time and found an apple, whenever he would feel hunger he would be in total panic that it will happen again he wont find an apple to eat
He wouldnt feel hunger though, he would feel anxiety, whenever he is hungry or around an apple.
What would he think around an apple? I fear the apple will dislike me, reject me, not chose me, all reasons just not that he need to eat it to survive, as the mind is blocking this otherwise he would be in complete panic to protect him, the more bad experiences he would have with apples, the more stronger his anxiety around apples lol
thats so true for me, a period of loneliness killed me, for example
there were school summer holidays, in this period i was on my own the whole time in my room (i wanted to be lonely to be safe, because of previous experiences with people thats what causes us social anxiety because we experienced death knocking at our doors before)
so that exactly is the period when i first started to get anxiety attacks in public places while just going and buying my mother some cigarettes.
i was looking at peoples reactions towards me like my life depended on me, whenever i saw something negative boom anxiety attack,
so after school holidays over. First day i was so fucked up, i talked like my stomach is being teared apart lol. the next day i had to talk in front of the class it was horrible i blushed which i never did before
so after a week of being around people and getting along with them, my anxiety has gone down, from that survival mode, to its safe again. But in the long run it killed me, a good friend of mine left and went to another school, i changed my style of clothes and my other good friend didnt like me anymore and boom my anxiety was back even stronger. so i was around other people than, trying to befriend myself with them, but my performance anxiety was just to strong of messing it all up and ending up alone, that thats what exactly happened.
You see this one chance that i mentioned above in the apple example, is like people who are scared of hot girls. If she doesnt like them, rejects them, its over death, never get her, you know how anxious the guy would be of asking another hot girl if he already had been rejected, anxiety would just be stronger and stronger the next time, until every time he just sees a hot girl without asking her anything,he would fear she is laughing at him, or not liking him,
its all the same meaning, he will be without a hot girl, alone, here the fear is just so strong that it makes him unreal. But lets face it, its impossible to only be so anxious around hot girls and not around other girls, because your life doesnt depend on it, if a hot girl likes you or not, if you know you can atleast get another not so hot girl.
thats why only social anxiety can get so out of control that we see things that are not true, because our mind is so scared of death, we really have noone than and are alone
if girls in general are your problem and you fear you cant get any girls thats a different thing than and anxiety can get pretty strong.
Thats why some people blush when they just see a girl approaching them.
but you see anxiety will never tell you "you cant get girls, you will be alone", because thats the thing it wants to protect you from, so you will just think iam scared of saying the wrong thing and blah blah blah
Social anxiety dismantled haha hear for you. Everything makes sense to me.
Sorry for my bad english, i know its not good
