Your post made me smile, you just proved iam right. Let me explain
But where I think you're wrong is that I think everyone have this feeling of loneliness in this situation, and that's why everyone want to socialize with the other (at least the majority ).
Loneliness is a normal feeling, everyone feels it, but the difference is to us social phobics its life threatening, if someone rejects us we are so scared it will always happen, we will end up alone.
Normal people go and socialize to not feel alone, people like us are in survival mode and are afraid to try, if we get rejected you know you will not take it lightly but like its the end of the world. SIMPLE as that
It literally is the end of the world for us, loneliness is death threatening,
If someone put you on an island and wanted to leave you there for 5 years without telling you when or if he comes back. you will come back anxious and scared it will happen again to you, because you felt like you will die at the island.
THis loneliness was death threatening to you, so whenever you will back at normal life feel lonely you will automatically be in panic mode you gonna die
Understand? back at normal life, you would have nightmares, whenever you would feel loneliness your mind would go in panic mode and associate it with death. You would fear noone is coming for you. you will die,
Thats Social anxiety for us
why are people in solitary prisons scared to death, they shut at each other a 1000 times a day, and asking the same question "what are you doing" from keeping themselves of losing it in this loneliness
The main difference is (like getbornagain said) is that we, SA people have this performance anxiety (which is just a sign of a low self-confidence) : we're affraid of saying something wrong, weird, of acting strangely, and because of that, we're affraid of being rejected, that people will tease us
Why are you scared of saying something wrong, weird, acting strange? You answered it yourself you fear being rejected lol, what does rejection mean to you = loneliness, I took the fear of being alone in a group of people if i say something stupid, weird out.... and you know what happened? I will say everything thats on my mind, i cant say anything stupid, whatever i say, i will say it, what wil happen, nothing? and if someone doesnt like it, who cares, its not the end of the world, i will not end up alone and die.
What you are doing is what a fearful mind does, question eveerything. you fear you will say this stupid, you will be weird blah blah.... low self confidence is fearfulness simple as that
Why do you think some people have low confidence some dont, FEAR. show me a confident person who is fearful. Who is scared of rejection
Doesnt exist. Its like physics again. Like social anxiety goes with loneliness hand in hand so does confidence with fealesness. And iam not talking about people who pretend they are confident, People who pretend they are confident can only fool a fearfull person. Simple as that or as you call it low self esteem
You talk about performance anxity like you were born with it, theres something behind it man, that keeps you scared of messing up, Very simple, you fear the consiquence, take out the fear, the consequence you fear and you wont have performance anxiety
There are also situations where the fear of lonelyness has nothing to do with SA : sometimes I'm walking in the street and some people are staring at me, even smiling. This makes me feel very bad, vey anxious, not because I'm affraid of beeing alone, but because I'm affraid that I may be acting strangely
Oh boy, some more teaching lol, It has everything to do with loneliness.You see a normal person would never think that what you think. NEVER. Even if they did smile at him, or stare at him, he would say you wanna take a picture? Simple as that, What has he to fear? nothing
You on the other hand are in panic mode, because it seems threatening to you that someone stared at you, because you feared he didnt like you, or you looked weird or acted weird .... which all ends up to being scared your weird strange and just will not be accepted and lonely.
Its so easy
I consider that I have a mild social anxiety, except in some situations where my anxiety is very strong. So I can compare situations where I feel safe (e.g. with my few friends) and situations where I feel pretty anxious (e.g. with women). With my friends, I feel OK because I know I can say something wrong or uninteresting or even stay quiet, they won't judge me for that.
That you feel safe around your friends doesnt suprise me at all, because you dont feel alone there, your safe
You say you can be quiet, and say something stupid because they wont judge you? You see you know you will still be accepted no matter what. Your safe, you want be alone
if they would start making fun of you every day that would change quick, you would start getting scared of saying something wrong more and more, or doing things wrong so they have more reasons to dislike you ridicule you and then just leave you alone
With women, I have the feeling that they are expecting me to be perfect, funny, etc... So in this situation, I want to be perfect, always saying something funny, always being interesting, etc... So I prefer avoid most women because I can't be perfect, that's impossible
.
That has everything to do with fear, simple as that. You fear doing things wrong, woman not liking you and boom your rejected and alone.
Now if you wouldnt have this fear og being alone, you would do whatever you would want to with this woman, not care at all, if she likes you good, if not you would tell her fuck you and move on to the next one like every normal human being does.
Its so simple man
And i will be fearless with EFT. FEAR is a sickness, you are so unsure of everything, you question everything, your scared of doing it wrong,
With those worrying thoughts in your head you possible cant do things right, right? with going a 1000 times over is this right to say or will this sound stupid, you just cant be successfull like this, the successfull people are fearless
