want some help

[sorrow1]

Hi im new here, ive been reading a lot of posts and think I may have this condition

I think it started for me when I was 13. I moved schools and at the same time developed terrible acne.
Before this I was very outgoing, had loads of friends, and was very confident. My parents always tell me that between 0 and 7 years I never stopped talkin to the point of being irritating. I also always had to be out. Now im quiet and introverted.
After I developed the acne and moved schools some of the kids in the new school would say things like, ughh look at his face or, ooh poor lad. I became very self conscious because of it and used to walk around town and school with my head down not daring to see if anyone was staring at me. In class I despised presentations because it drew all attention on me. I used to feel intense fear, all my limbs would shake, I sweated and my face went noticeably a brighter red making the experience even worse. I made a few friends in the first year of that school but they were the so called UN cool kids. I didn’t really make many new friends because of my anxiety about my looks. I found it especially hard to talk to girls and people I didn’t know. I didn’t like to go out a lot because of my anxiety and so I think I missed out on a lot of experiences to develop my social skills.
Im a lot better now than I used to be due to forcing myself into situations, university helped a lot. I guess my condition isn’t very severe because I only get anxiety now in certain situations. Its strange I have absolutely no anxiety being in large crowds of strangers now, just walking round town. My acne is gone so I don’t feel self conscious about my appearance anymore
I find I can easily talk to strangers, e.g. shop assistants and people im never going to see again. Doing some sales jobs helped immensely. Im comfortable around close friends and family, I am fine with reading to large groups of people I don’t know. I play guitar and sing on stage in front of loads of people and I feel fine.
My main problem lies with people I meet but don’t really know very well.
I get nervous if its one on one but I can cope, sometimes I feel no fear at all if the person is like me, quiet, laid back and shares my interests. My biggest fear comes from groups. The more people around the worse it gets. If I am with a large group and everyone’s standing round in the same conversation and they are all very loud, funny and chatty people I get terrible anxiety. I think the fear lies with people that I perceive to be much better socially than I am. Sometimes the anxiety gets so bad I can’t think straight. I start sweating, my head aches and my mind for some reason goes blank. I seem to with draw into myself and become almost completely silent, only talking when im asked a question. Its like im a different person and people think im arrogant or weird for it but I just cant seem to control it.
I go out with friends but there’s always a large group and a lot of the time people I hardly know are there. Im the quiet one of the group and I worry these other people think im strange. I do like these people and I like the activities but I can’t enjoy myself because of the constant anxiety. Im always happiest when im on my own. After a night out I feel relieved its over and I seem to feel drained afterwards.
I am content and happy with my own company. Not all the time but most of the time. I think the reason I keep putting myself into these situations again and again is because of pressure from society. People don’t understand that you like being by yourself and so to not appear weird and hermit like I force myself to go along with them but im nearly never happy. Im usually always around lots of people, family, friends phoning me, housemates and people at work. If I don’t go out and be with them the problem I know will just get worse so I endure. People seem to always want to intefere in other peoples lives and make them feel bad for being the person they want to be. it sucks
Anyway sorry for the essay and hope it makes sense, am abit drunk while writing this. hope there are others who can relate to these feelings. Any comments or advice would be appreciated.

 

[Scrabbl]

yep that's SA. we understand what you're going through. Everything's so much more difficult with SA.

You're a lot better off than a lot of us because you only experience it in certain situations but if you think it's interfering with ur life and causing serious problems then it is a disorder.

You should look into CBT and other treatments for SP. best of luck to u bud

 

[danstelter]

While your anxiety is bother you in some situations, you handle it quite well in others. Overall, you are doing okay, but as you noted, there are some areas where you would like to improve. Great work on having the courage to reach out and find help; it's the only way change happens. And also, great work on getting better on your own. You can do a lot of things, like play music in front of large crowds, that most people with social anxiety cannot do or dream of doing! One important point of warning is that you said you are drunk while writing this...make sure you are not using alcohol to avoid anxiety. This can lead to alcoholism, a condition that will increase your misery and the misery of others around you. Just be sure to keep it in check, and maybe talk to someone about it, like a friend or a counselor or something like that. As noted before, the best place for help is probably a professional. I sought counseling once before and found it VERY, VERY, helpful, so I would highly recommend counseling. Therapy is different than counseling, and I prefer counseling, but therapy can be effective for others too. It is possible to get better without counseling, but it is much easier to get better with help from others. For me, regular exercise, an anxiety-reducing diet, talking to a counselor/supportive friends, taking risks to break out of anxiety, and a small dose of medication (which I am no longer on) was the magic formula that got me better to the point where I rarely feel the intense anxiety levels I felt in the past. Good luck to you, and be sure to ask me or others further questions if you need help!

 

[sorrow1]

Hey guys, cheers for replying. i have managed to get through a lot of my anxieties by forcing myself into the situations themselves.
I think exposure and meeting the problem head on are good to a point. Sometimes through exposing yourself to the fear you come to realise that your worries are unjust in reality. I was really good at guiatar for 5 years before i ever played to someone other than my family. They always told me i was good but i didnt believe them and worried people would boo me off stage. When i finally did it and everyone clapped i got a postive response and got over the fear for the next time.
Though when i start new jobs meetng lots of new people it never gets easier. I can psyche myself up before, telling myself its all gonna be fine but then it comes crashing down again. If i got that one positive response from a new job i might get over the anxiety but recently I have just come to accept it that im never going to be the guy everyone wants to know and just be happy being the quiet one.
I used to drink a lot of alcohol when i was at uni but ive cut down a lot since then. Im certainly trying not to be dependent on it.
Im not sure about therapy, Im not really depressed enough about this problem atm. I might of needed it a few years ago but back then I didnt know what i had. Just knowing im not alone with this has helped loads.