Urge to react irrationally when treated offensively

S

SkepticMind

Member
So this has been an innate problem of me. And I think I have inherited this from my mother.

I have a tendency or urge to react irrationally when someone offends me, at least I try to stifle myself and resist that urge but it creeps in me in a disruptive way. Like I think about it way more than I should. Let me give you an example.

If someone tells me that I am ugly or says something offensive, especially verbally. I say verbally because when it comes to words, they are just words (unless they keep on harrassing you) and they don't really warrant a reaction because at the end of the day, it's not worth it. The thing is even something as simple as some words trigger deep down into my insecurities and I just feel like I want to react somehow just to satisfy myself. Like respond back by saying something clever or whatever.

But why though? I don't want to... I am too focused on trying to improve myself, why do I care so much?

Does anyone else feel the same way and how do I deal with it?
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
I guess I feel a little different to a lot of people. On the occasions where someone has openly showed me disrespect, I openly let them know just what I think about them. My reaction is to think 'who the hell are you to be so rude, mean and disrespectful to someone else?'. What gives them the right to be like that to other people?
They absolutely have no right.
In the past when it has happened, I have reacted by walking to them, standing about 60cm from them, looking them straight in the eyes and staying there, slightly smiling and saying openly 'Fuck you dog'. (In Australia calling someone a 'dog' is VERY disrespectful). They would go to respond and I would say it again, more loudly and over the top of their voice, cutting them off.
I'm in effect openly challenging them, telling them I don't respect them now because they showed me no respect. You openly challenged me by disrespecting me, now I'm openly doing the same.

99% of people have become very uncomfortable at this point, their bravado disappears along with their bad attitude.

You see, I don't care for social subtleties, social cues, snide remarks. The world and society is what we make it. I refuse to be like those people, if I have a problem with you, I won't trash talk you on FB or bitch about you to your friends, I'll speak to you directly about it in the hope we can fix the problem and move on. And if we've had a misunderstanding and we've cleared the air, I won't hold a grudge against you either.
You'll know where I stand.

Thankfully these days this sort of thing doesn't really happen much anymore. I think it may be due to the fact I (like to think) am better at spotting those types of people much earlier on and avoiding them, minimizing contact with them or cutting them from my life altogether.
I guess in the workplace is where you can't avoid it each and every day. But most people are pretty good.

I guess my advice to you SkepticMind is of course not to seek physical confrontation or openly challenge people, but rather get better at avoiding, excluding and cutting those sorts of people from your life.
 
theoutsider

theoutsider

Well-known member
I do often feel that way. You have to constantly remind yourself that by not responding, you are doing the right thing. It helps me when I think that they'd actually like for me to get upset enough to try saying something hurtful back. That way I'd be playing their (evil) game. It gives me satisfaction knowing I'm not giving them what they want. If your antagonizers are anything like mine have been, they'll probably get angry and try harder. That's okay, their anger at your lack of response is a good way to gauge whether or not you're reacting correctly. If they were happy about it, that would just mean you're doing what they want you to do.
 
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