Unexplained miserableness and grumpiness

[gustavofring]

Some moments i have such a low energy i just feel flatout miserable and would rather just push everyone away with their bull$hit laughter and sociality. I cant even force myself to smile at these moments. The trouble is I cant control this returning mood of grouchiness and they always come at the wrong time. For example when I find myself stuck in a social group situation. I start absolutely hating myself and everyone else at these moments, and have a sort of unexplainable deeply rooted background noise of uncomfortableness, I feel like I can snap into a mental breakdown at any given moment. I also react incredibly slowly and have bad cases of brainfog.

I suspect it has something to do with sleep related problems, delayed sleep phase syndrome for example.

I told my shrink about this, but she didnt take it seriously, said that I spend too much time on the internet looking for diseases that I think I have once I read them and that my problem is more psychological. I disagree and think there is some physiological thing at work here.

Sometimes I see people about my age being so energetic, so mentally resilient, so full of life that I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. I am 26, why do I feel like a tired old badger all the time?

 

[surewhynot]

I would tend to agree with the shrink.. it's normal to have ups and downs, everyone has them. I'm not saying that it is impossible, but it really just looks to me like alot of people here have hypochondriac tendencies.

 

[gustavofring]

I understand what you are saying, but its pretty permanent with me. Whatever normal mood doesnt last and I really feel tired and I also feel like my brain for some reason cant handle the impulses of social situations very well. I can try and be positive and mindful all I want but if my body doesnt coorporate its of no use.

 

[gustavofring]

Its really a sort of chicken or the egg situation. I dont know wether the psychological causes the physical symptoms or the physical the psychological if you get what Im saying.

I guess this is one of the mysteries of depression and why its so hard to snap out of. Its a vicious circle of thoughts, emotions, moods, physical symptoms etc.

 

[surewhynot]

Well I can totally relate, I have really low social energy... that's what I started calling it, social energy. Like, I can be out with my friends and feel really tired, not because I need to sleep but because I being social really takes alot out of me. So I head home and I start doing stuff alone for hours before going to bed.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

You are describing me 5 years ago.

 

[laure15]

Last night, I had a bad dream about a negative real-life situation where I was surrounded by negative people who disliked me. So today, I notice that past memories and buried emotions resurfaced to haunt me throughout the day. I was angrier, grouchier, and grumpier than the other days. It's like I'm reliving the past in my head. I need to ignore the dream and move on.

 

[Engulfed707]

I hate having to pretend like I'm so giddy all the time so I don't get weird looks. When I see someone else in a quiet, emotion-neutral mode, I don't think they're weird. But I can't have a normal conversation without forcing myself to act "so happy to see you" or I can't sit next to someone I know without them saying something about me being silent.

I just feel like there's so much that's fake when it comes to how people present themselves, anything my gut tells me is "fake" just ticks me off about that person.

When you find yourself in a situation that makes you angry, do something that makes you happy when you get the chance like a hobby or listen to music. I like to just lay down when I'm anxious even though I can't sleep and just take it easy for a while.

About the socialising problems though. i hate to admit it but I'm kind of trying to get people to leave me alone by changing my appearance (clothes, hair) to black, hopefully i wont be bothered as much.

i know this is a long reply, but i wanna say its ok to question yourself like "whats wrong with me?" I'm only 18 but i've recently really tried to assess my problems after not knowing exactly what I had as a kid, and so far I'm feeling better about myself and learning how to make things better overall. yep, life is pretty miserable most of the time

 

[gustavofring]

Its good you seem to know how to pretend. I feel like I could do that a couple of years ago but I dont have energy for it anymore. Whenever there is something like a roommate get together Id rather just avoid it because these social butterfly happy happy people and their interactions just annoy me to pieces because they point out my own inadequacies and I just want to get the **** out of there.

There are group situations I feel good in though, but its with friends. I feel like I can be myself with them and none of that forced crap.

 

[Fighter86]

Same here. I am also in my 20s I should be having a fun filled carefree life but I just feel so burdened and unhappy. Cannot imagine things changing. I don't even have one person to call to talk to. How pathetic is that.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

I felt like that today. I went out with my family. It was very stressful for some reason. Then I came home, and I felt better and realized that I overreacted and regretted not making the situation better. But when I get into those moods, it is really hard to snap out of it! It is like I just shut down. It is a symptom of depression? Social situations are especially draining. This is something I want to gain control over, otherwise I won't be able to do much of anything at all and that can't be good.