Hi All
well a little introduction about myself
uk male
23yrs old
England
For me its not like I have all of a sudden I woke up with it only a few years ago
never really been diagnosed by doctor but I was signed off for depression but all the way back when I was a very young child starting school I hated it really I used to (I don't wanna fall fail of the site rules here) poo my pants as a young child 5-6 and my mother had to bring me home for a bath so for so many years I can remember something was different
fastward a little bit
high school left at 16 I had friends and I at times really liked school but most of the time I couldn't go in I once took 9months off straight and then I had a female counselor cme se me it wasn't like oh there might be something wrong with this boy (as my brother is older as is the same way used to jump out of the moving car so not to go to school) but there was non of that it was just shake my hand tell me your mums going go to prison and your going to end up in care
so in the end I did take time off school but found that if I only did it a few days a week no one cared and as I am dyslexic I was had this women young fit as spent most of my days fantasizing over her naked and sadly she wrote everything for me from the questions on the board to my answers to even copying out of the book for me and even when I missed 2days a week of school she would still take my lessons and write it all down for me on paper (later in school I didn't take a bag or books or even a pen I took money for lunch or came hone for lunch and a bottle of drink) so I just used to take the paper and put it in the bin
Fastward again 2005 16 years old
My final school exams from there it was eve college then university job or a life in the forces or crime .I always wanted to join the french foreign legion run away from life
well back to my exams as you can tell I didn't learn much and as I was taken out of the main hall to a small room with my helper and 3 others to watch for no cheating she was TOLD to write anything I said so in one test.. a question the map in front of you your on hall at this cordinates what do you see ... So of course a horny 16 yr old and bored out of my mind would say stuff like dogging in the parked car well I used 5 sheets of paper telling this women to write down what I said
and some tests like English I was left in the main hall to do this test by myself lol well I got one point for putting my name down so that helped me as you can well guess it wasn't great
well fastwarrd to 2005-2013
I still live at home with my family
Never had a job
Never been to the shop and used a check out
I prefer my own self even when I was in school kids would be going out after school I was to tried I would go straight to sleep
I go and do the odd shop with my mum I put the stuff on the check out but don't buy I only use online shopping if I go into a shop and something I like and I want il rather go home buy online even if that means it costs more just so I don't have to use a checkout
I hate crossing the street I don't know why think I look like a dick
sometimes I go for a walk there's this 2mile track I walk music playing head down and keep walking
I hate opening up mail (post through the door) even if its junk I still keep it for months
I have a house phone that has been setup for two rings then it goes to answer machine I was eating my lunch happy nothing wrong when a message came through I couldn't hear all of it because of the tv but I thought someone wanted to cone to my house and see ME in fact it was to see someone else in my family and just like there I started to shake and worry and couldn't eat the rest of my lunch
I get days where I am happy to go downstairs what a dvd order pizza (don't pay at the door though) and have no problems talking to people online or on xbox or whatever then I get days where I just lay in bed can't read any messages or do anything
I get days where I can read a book or watch a few films in one day but some days I can't even watch one min of a movie can't read one line of a book
It's weird as online we can chat more easy as its not face to face I can chat online dating site conversation going great then its a like a hit in the face I can't open that message up deep down I know its nothing its going well just talking about whatever but all of a sudden I can't open it for days on end
some days I can't open the door and take the post from the postman/mailman not really with a smile not really talking or nothing then other days I just sit still won't move
Well friends I do have friends that come over don't see them to much like I did in the past but I don't know why but il rather not see anyone il rather be only I'm more happy by myself learning stuff online but I do get lonely sometimes so online chatting is good
its weird how some days I can get up early clean room shower help mun with shopping get dressed go downstairs and some days I can't even get out of bed
I don't really know how I will be thinking when I am say 30 but I have been living in my own small box for so long I don't hate it its me I'm happy to sit and watch YouTube documentries and learning about stuff then going to a party looking like a right idiot and being awkward not really saying anything when people are talking to me
don't get me wrong we all dream/wish/long for someone to share life with cuddling up on the sofa or whatever .. but its hard when things like standing around a beach out in public looking like a idiot doesn't float my boat up the river
I don't really won't the trouble hustle or the notching that comes along with other people in life where ever you go there's always something I'm more of keeping myself to myself and keeping myself quiet
well thank you for reading my story bit long I know so thank you again
Much love
See you all on the quiet side
Ukmale
well a little introduction about myself
uk male
23yrs old
England
For me its not like I have all of a sudden I woke up with it only a few years ago
never really been diagnosed by doctor but I was signed off for depression but all the way back when I was a very young child starting school I hated it really I used to (I don't wanna fall fail of the site rules here) poo my pants as a young child 5-6 and my mother had to bring me home for a bath so for so many years I can remember something was different
fastward a little bit
high school left at 16 I had friends and I at times really liked school but most of the time I couldn't go in I once took 9months off straight and then I had a female counselor cme se me it wasn't like oh there might be something wrong with this boy (as my brother is older as is the same way used to jump out of the moving car so not to go to school) but there was non of that it was just shake my hand tell me your mums going go to prison and your going to end up in care
so in the end I did take time off school but found that if I only did it a few days a week no one cared and as I am dyslexic I was had this women young fit as spent most of my days fantasizing over her naked and sadly she wrote everything for me from the questions on the board to my answers to even copying out of the book for me and even when I missed 2days a week of school she would still take my lessons and write it all down for me on paper (later in school I didn't take a bag or books or even a pen I took money for lunch or came hone for lunch and a bottle of drink) so I just used to take the paper and put it in the bin
Fastward again 2005 16 years old
My final school exams from there it was eve college then university job or a life in the forces or crime .I always wanted to join the french foreign legion run away from life
well back to my exams as you can tell I didn't learn much and as I was taken out of the main hall to a small room with my helper and 3 others to watch for no cheating she was TOLD to write anything I said so in one test.. a question the map in front of you your on hall at this cordinates what do you see ... So of course a horny 16 yr old and bored out of my mind would say stuff like dogging in the parked car well I used 5 sheets of paper telling this women to write down what I said
and some tests like English I was left in the main hall to do this test by myself lol well I got one point for putting my name down so that helped me as you can well guess it wasn't great
well fastwarrd to 2005-2013
I still live at home with my family
Never had a job
Never been to the shop and used a check out
I prefer my own self even when I was in school kids would be going out after school I was to tried I would go straight to sleep
I go and do the odd shop with my mum I put the stuff on the check out but don't buy I only use online shopping if I go into a shop and something I like and I want il rather go home buy online even if that means it costs more just so I don't have to use a checkout
I hate crossing the street I don't know why think I look like a dick
sometimes I go for a walk there's this 2mile track I walk music playing head down and keep walking
I hate opening up mail (post through the door) even if its junk I still keep it for months
I have a house phone that has been setup for two rings then it goes to answer machine I was eating my lunch happy nothing wrong when a message came through I couldn't hear all of it because of the tv but I thought someone wanted to cone to my house and see ME in fact it was to see someone else in my family and just like there I started to shake and worry and couldn't eat the rest of my lunch
I get days where I am happy to go downstairs what a dvd order pizza (don't pay at the door though) and have no problems talking to people online or on xbox or whatever then I get days where I just lay in bed can't read any messages or do anything
I get days where I can read a book or watch a few films in one day but some days I can't even watch one min of a movie can't read one line of a book
It's weird as online we can chat more easy as its not face to face I can chat online dating site conversation going great then its a like a hit in the face I can't open that message up deep down I know its nothing its going well just talking about whatever but all of a sudden I can't open it for days on end
some days I can't open the door and take the post from the postman/mailman not really with a smile not really talking or nothing then other days I just sit still won't move
Well friends I do have friends that come over don't see them to much like I did in the past but I don't know why but il rather not see anyone il rather be only I'm more happy by myself learning stuff online but I do get lonely sometimes so online chatting is good
its weird how some days I can get up early clean room shower help mun with shopping get dressed go downstairs and some days I can't even get out of bed
I don't really know how I will be thinking when I am say 30 but I have been living in my own small box for so long I don't hate it its me I'm happy to sit and watch YouTube documentries and learning about stuff then going to a party looking like a right idiot and being awkward not really saying anything when people are talking to me
don't get me wrong we all dream/wish/long for someone to share life with cuddling up on the sofa or whatever .. but its hard when things like standing around a beach out in public looking like a idiot doesn't float my boat up the river
I don't really won't the trouble hustle or the notching that comes along with other people in life where ever you go there's always something I'm more of keeping myself to myself and keeping myself quiet
well thank you for reading my story bit long I know so thank you again
Much love
See you all on the quiet side
Ukmale
