Ughh I feel stupid

[PhillyFlyersGrl]

This lady I work with, her grandson just died tragically, well shes back at work now and I saw her and she came up to me in my cubicle and commented on our new work shirts on in our dept and how nice they look, and Im looking into her eyes and I see a lot of sadness, and I feel really sad for her loss and want to say something about it, and then after I said thank you and was looking at her for a moment thinking of what I was going to say next she turns and walks out of my cubicle and I say to her see ya, she then turns around comes back and says what?, she didnt hear me say see ya, so I told her I said see ya, she said oh.... see ya.
And after she walked away I thought why didnt I say something more???
I just felt like crying when she walked away, like why i cant I be normal and just comfort her, instead of thinking about it, why dont I just do it?
I feel like a loser.
Does this happen to you guys? when something tragic happens to someone do you not know what to say? do you avoid that person? or do you have no problem?

 

[seafolly]

That's not SA, that would happen to anyone! How on earth do you know how your words will impact her? I'd personally be afraid of being a person to remind her yet again of what happened. If it were me I'd do it outside of work. I'd send her flowers and a card or something so that if it makes her cry she won't be embarrassed at work, you know? She might be strong enough to hear it but erring on the side of caution here...

 

[mrb]

not being funny but when my mother died i got fed up with people asking if im alright ... if you said something its like bringing it up again , shes probably heard it over 100 times already ... your not a loser you just didnt know what to say , most people dont know what to say weather they have sa or not ... dont beat yourself up about it lol ...

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

This lady I work with, her grandson just died tragically, well shes back at work now and I saw her and she came up to me in my cubicle and commented on our new work shirts on in our dept and how nice they look, and Im looking into her eyes and I see a lot of sadness, and I feel really sad for her loss and want to say something about it, and then after I said thank you and was looking at her for a moment thinking of what I was going to say next she turns and walks out of my cubicle and I say to her see ya, she then turns around comes back and says what?, she didnt hear me say see ya, so I told her I said see ya, she said oh.... see ya.
And after she walked away I thought why didnt I say something more???
I just felt like crying when she walked away, like why i cant I be normal and just comfort her, instead of thinking about it, why dont I just do it?
I feel like a loser.
Does this happen to you guys? when something tragic happens to someone do you not know what to say? do you avoid that person? or do you have no problem?

I'm afraid of saying something that could be misinterpreted whilst having the most innocuous of conversations, so the situation you've described would be a minefield for me. I'd just tell them I was sorry for their loss and leave it at that. If I was writing to them, I could probably say a lot more but I'm not as good with "real time" communication.

 

[coyote]

Tomorrow, don't say anything to her.

Just give her a hug.

 

[seafolly]

But but but but...if I were her I'd cry!

 

[coyote]

Crying is allowed

 

[SilverFire]

This lady I work with, her grandson just died tragically, well shes back at work now and I saw her and she came up to me in my cubicle and commented on our new work shirts on in our dept and how nice they look, and Im looking into her eyes and I see a lot of sadness, and I feel really sad for her loss and want to say something about it, and then after I said thank you and was looking at her for a moment thinking of what I was going to say next she turns and walks out of my cubicle and I say to her see ya, she then turns around comes back and says what?, she didnt hear me say see ya, so I told her I said see ya, she said oh.... see ya.
And after she walked away I thought why didnt I say something more???
I just felt like crying when she walked away, like why i cant I be normal and just comfort her, instead of thinking about it, why dont I just do it?
I feel like a loser.
Does this happen to you guys? when something tragic happens to someone do you not know what to say? do you avoid that person? or do you have no problem?

Yeah. I feel like a self-murderer for not giving my compassion a voice. I think it would be awesome if we all erred on the side of loving too much rather than loving too little -- there is a big assumption that "everyone else has said/will say something" and then no-one does it, you know.

 

[Spike Lee]

your S.A is causing people to think you're an *******

it always sucks when that happens.

edit:

ugh, they bleeped me..


lets try this again

"arse-hole".......

 

[DekKO]

I feel like i'm gonna say the wrong thing. If someone tells me someone dies i'm clueless. I end up saying that sucks but you gotta say more than that. Even 5 years ago when I didn't have SA my mom told me my grandpa died and I didn't say much at all. Maybe it's not entirely your SA I think everyone isn't sure what to say when someone dies.

 

[PhillyFlyersGrl]

I appreciate your comments I ended up writing her an email telling her I was sorry for her loss. I said other stuff in the email too but that was the gist of it, she was really compassionate about it.
I just can't stand being the person who doesn't say anything, I feel like a war is going on inside of me. Should I say something, should I not, should I give a hug, do I send flowers a card, round and round my head goes.
Honestly if I lost someone (knock on wood) I would accept what anyone said, didnt say etc I wouldnt get mad at people if they didnt say nothing or didnt know what to do for me. She apparently is like me in that sense. Just accepting in that sense.