two questions

[dan_e]

hi, i have 2 questions for you all. i'd like to get some opinions:
-how long should u wait before u tell a friend about your problems with anxiety?
-how should u tell them?

i'm talking about a casual friend that u would like to be closer friends with. someone that has tried to include me in activities, but i was unable due to my anxiety. i don't want them to start patronizing me. i can't help but feel it will make them uncomfortable around me and in turn they will treat me differently or avoid me. i don't want to come off as a lame duck, or like it will be too much hassle being my friend.

 

[Gone]

Hm, i wouldn't dare to tell any of my mates myself, unless i was sure they would understand, if you wanna explain why you don't go well with other people you could just settle for a half-truth, tell them that your not so fond of people and don't enjoy being social so much, then maybe they will just accept that you have an unusual taste and maybe not make such a big deal of it.

 

[xSleepy]

Sometimes I think it would be fine to tell them right away. Like just casually say...ya, i get anxious sometimes. Or,..... im not too comfortable around people. Something like that. I think the closer you get to someone the harder it will be to tell them the truth. So do it in the beginning.

 

[miriah]

well, my friends dont know i have social phobia but they know i dont like talking to people i dont know and people that i do know and dont like to hang out very much but they make me do it any way which makes me push them away even more and then im left alone which is ok with me sometimes but sometimes i feel a litte lonely. so i dont know maybe i just have bad friends but my friends dont seem to care.

 

[Moonie]

I never tell anyone about my anxieties. Most of them just pick up on it, anyway, though. I don't really know why I don't share this information. I am guessing it is because it's hard for me to open up about this stuff, maybe I am ashamed, maybe I fear there will be a be a stigma against me, and so on.

Whenever you feel comfortable, I'd say go for it. Hopefully that person will be accepting and will be patient with getting to know you and your passions.

 

[dan_e]

i work with this person and it never quite seems like the right time to bring it up.
it would seem like a good idea to mention it when the anxiety starts, but when it starts i can't really talk because i hyperventilate.
maybe i'll just blurt it out one day and embarrass myself :roll:
thanks everyone for your advice.

 

[de]

hi, i have 2 questions for you all. i'd like to get some opinions:
-how long should u wait before u tell a friend about your problems with anxiety?
-how should u tell them?

i'm talking about a casual friend that u would like to be closer friends with. someone that has tried to include me in activities, but i was unable due to my anxiety. i don't want them to start patronizing me. i can't help but feel it will make them uncomfortable around me and in turn they will treat me differently or avoid me. i don't want to come off as a lame duck, or like it will be too much hassle being my friend.

you should tell them; if he/she brings up the fact that you are queit in a conversation that would probably be the best time to do it this person has made the effort to invite you to hang ut just explain your situation,easier said then done though right

 

[dan_e]

I don't want to "expose" myself, but I feel like I should explain my actions (or non-actions). I feel like I'm carrying this HUGE burden. What makes it worse is that the people I want to understand don't, or they think I want to be left alone.

 

[miss_amy]

I don't tell anyone either. I don't really have close friends, though I do have friends. The only people that know the full extent of my problems are my husband and my mum. Much of my extended family know nothing at all and I've done my best to hide it and think I've done a good job. A couple of my friends know I'm not particularly comfortable in social situation but probably just think I'm quiet and shy and prefer my own company. Social anxiety or phobias have never been mentioned or talked about.

I just have this huge fear that as soon as conditions like this get mentioned that I'd be thought of as mental, weird etc I feel people will not understand.

 

[2Crowded]

It's up to you.... I Myself have kept this hid from my few friends & the three x girlfriends that I had over 15 years ago...never told any of them. (might have been better if I had)...but at that time there's no way I would have.

But a couple years ago I decided I was going to tell my close friends...I think things are better with them now that they know. Looking back it's amazing that I had three girlfriends total in a span of 5 years....I guess it must have been my good looks that snared them. 8)

 

[Caseums21]

I told some of my friends. It doesn't bother me if people know. They haven't treated me any differently and they are very supportive.

I knew some for a few years and I just came right out and told them.

 

[dan_e]

The timing never seems right (we work together). I might try and invite them out to eat or something and see what happens from there. I'll let you all know if anything interesting happens (thats if they even accept the invitation) :wink:

 

[Broken_Memory]

hi, i have 2 questions for you all. i'd like to get some opinions:
-how long should u wait before u tell a friend about your problems with anxiety?
-how should u tell them?

i'm talking about a casual friend that u would like to be closer friends with. someone that has tried to include me in activities, but i was unable due to my anxiety. i don't want them to start patronizing me. i can't help but feel it will make them uncomfortable around me and in turn they will treat me differently or avoid me. i don't want to come off as a lame duck, or like it will be too much hassle being my friend.

you should tell them; if he/she brings up the fact that you are queit in a conversation that would probably be the best time to do it this person has made the effort to invite you to hang ut just explain your situation,easier said then done though right

^That sounds like a good idea. This topic is great, I've thought about it before but I hadn't thought of it while at the computer to post it lol.

Anyway, I am a person that finds that things are easier if the other person knows. Not always, though, I think it depends on that person's level of shyness or if they have a "problem" that they find debilitating too. The friends I have been close to for the last 6 years all have a mild Learning Disability (I met them through my sister who is also learning disabled) and most of them are very sensitive to criticism. Once I realized I had social phobia, I had no trouble telling them about it, and it helps me know that they understand a little bit of why I don't always answer the phone when they call.

Now, people at school. I never allow myself to get close enough to people who are extroverts, because they usually talk to me on the first day and then they find other extroverts to talk to for the rest of the semester/year. So, then I just keep to myself.

Recently, I've started an English (grade 12 course, mandatory, I've put it off for 4 years) and I am thrilled to have found out that there are 3 others (at least) who sit in my row who are introverted. Today (our third class) I told 2 of them after doing some group work, that I'm usually very shy. They opened up and one guy said "I'm very shy too" and the other said "I've had a lot of social anxiety problems in the past as well". I think certain introverts identify with it more, and it makes me feel like I've connected with them on a level that helps them understand that if I'm being quiet- its not because I'm snobby or uninterested.

In general, I tell people when I feel its necessary to help them understand why I come across as so odd and quiet. If my anxiety is in the way of things- I know that I've got nothing to lose by telling them.

 

[sarahb0312]

I myself was afraid to tell my current boyfriend about my problems, but I just figured that if he didn't understand or critisized me about it then I wouldn't be able to be with him, but surprisingly he understood and he supports me, it would have been so much harder trying to have a relationship and hiding it.

 

[dan_e]

In general, I tell people when I feel its necessary to help them understand why I come across as so odd and quiet. If my anxiety is in the way of things- I know that I've got nothing to lose by telling them.

Yeah it gets in the way and I'm missing out on future invites because I come off as odd and quiet and uninterested. Sometimes I think " I don't have friends anyway so what have I got to lose?" But it will just be so awkward at work.

 

[megalon]

Whenever I get the ol' 'why don't you talk to anyone?' question, I just tell the person I have SA and answer any questions they might have about it to the best of my ability. I think it's better that they know I am a normal person with a disorder instead of thinking I'm "weird".

 

[Argamemnon]

I think most people wouldn't understand if I told them about my extreme shyness or social anxiety. A few months ago a distant relative asked me about my sex life, lol. He bluntly asked if I ever had sex - even if it's a prostitute. I bluntly and confidently replied: "No". I will never forget his facial expression. He seemed amazed at the indifference I conveyed.

 

[miss_amy]

I think my answer would have been mind your own business!

 

[Argamemnon]

Looking back it's amazing that I had three girlfriends total in a span of 5 years....I guess it must have been my good looks that snared them. 8)

I doubt it was your looks; I'm good looking too, but girls hardly ever feel comfortable around me. This is all because of my extreme anxiety, shyness and introvertedness.