Trust?

[lilmutegirl]

I had a realization recently: I don't trust very well. I have begun questioning other people's motives, and have never trusted myself (my opinions, instincts, memories, etc.). I've been conditioned to believe that what I have to contribute to conversations doesn't matter, even if it is a verifiable fact. I'm usually on edge in social situations, for fear that I will reveal something that will be used against me later (even as recently as yesterday, I told someone something, and immediately regretted it, even though I doubt the other person even remembers I said it). It's easier to just keep quiet, and not risk having things thrown back in my face.

Whenever I ask someone a question, I give some context, so they understand why I am asking, because I have been asked questions that made me curious about the motivations of the asker. At work, we did some trust exercises last year, and it was awkward. That's when I realized that my biggest issue with trust is with myself.

Do you have trouble with trust?

 

[lily]

Aw, no one replied. I wish more people who come would reply but there can be reasons why it's not replied. Of course what you contribute to conversation matters. That makes who you are! In one of my threads I thought so greatly of you, that you write so cute and nicely! You're a good writer, I thought. Well, if I say something I might be not liked but sometimes I just say, people should be more understanding so if they don't like me for what I said then they're not worth my time, they're too judgmental and therefore can't be in my circle of friends. Yes I usually do that too! I would say why I'm asking the question or that they don't have to share it if they don't want to; therefore, they know that I'm not forcing a question to be answered. If you never say anything, then you're not being interesting, you're being nothing! Even though YOU ARE SOMETHING! You're also making others believe that perhaps you don't like them! Even though that may not be true! All in all, still be careful of what you share and who you share it to. Some things can be shared more openly and others not. I don't have any abnormal trust issues. Sorry to hear you having trust issues actually, hope it'll get better, everyone has at least normal trust issues of course. I have trouble with eye contact. I just can't completely get rid of it now, hopefully I will though. I feel very sad when I can't communicate entirely with my eyes, looking at people directly. Wish us good luck. Wishing God will help us.

 

[Graeme1988]

Do you have trouble with trust?

Yeah... big time. Trust and self-doubt are massive issues for me.

So, I can very much relate to all of what you described, sadly. Especially the questioning other people's motives, as well my own instincts. But then I had quite a dysfunctional family environment where I was conditioned to believe that I was useless, and a "waste of space", to quote one of my older sisters. Needless to say: I don't take compliments well. Either, I awkwardly smiling and shurg them of. Or I'll put myself down.

Anyway, I can certainly empathise with the fear of saying something that might be used against me, though. Because it's happened to me before in the past, and is the main reason why I rarely open ip to my family about my depression and anxiety struggles. Though I never been great at hiding when I feel either depressed or anxious.

 

[PugofCrydee]

I've learned trust is like respect - should be earned, not just given.

But yea I have trust issues.

 

[Xervello]

I had a realization recently: I don't trust very well. I have begun questioning other people's motives, and have never trusted myself (my opinions, instincts, memories, etc.). I've been conditioned to believe that what I have to contribute to conversations doesn't matter, even if it is a verifiable fact. I'm usually on edge in social situations, for fear that I will reveal something that will be used against me later (even as recently as yesterday, I told someone something, and immediately regretted it, even though I doubt the other person even remembers I said it). It's easier to just keep quiet, and not risk having things thrown back in my face.

Whenever I ask someone a question, I give some context, so they understand why I am asking, because I have been asked questions that made me curious about the motivations of the asker. At work, we did some trust exercises last year, and it was awkward. That's when I realized that my biggest issue with trust is with myself.

Do you have trouble with trust?

Initially I was that way in my 20's when I was more socially active than I am now (though I wasn't that socially active then either) and it was exhausting always being on guard. Your situation sounds equally exhaustive. Some of it is warranted. As with your post about compliments, most often people do have motives. Usually they're pretty harmless. But like compliments, I'm always politely skeptical of people's behavior. Even to this day. Though the older I get, the less important that becomes. However I still do my best to avoid any awkwardness/embarrassment around people when possible. Given that you're around people on a regular basis (I'm not), I think a bit of healthy skepticism is fine.

You also sound like a highly analytical person. I consider myself one, as well. Being in our head's too much can unnecessarily complicate simple things. I think other people are more comfortable around simplicity. If they see someone is a simple person, they feel like they "get" who they are and the communication, as well as their posture towards you, tends to be more relaxed. What I've learned is in trying to observe how differently people communicate. Some are aggressively curious, others passive, some rude, some polite, dismissive, etc. It helps gauge how differently or alike their behavior is towards me. Thus ratcheting up or down my trust factor towards them.