Trauma after stupid mistake.

[anobody1]

2 nights ago, I hooked up with a guy. I'm a 24 year old gay virgin, desperate and impulsive. It was the dumbest thing I've ever done. But granted, we only engaged in a NON-penetrative sexual activity. He respected my boundaries, luckily.
Just for the record, I didn't do oral with him.

Ever since then, I've been distraught, my life has fallen apart. I can't get myself to feel happy again. I think it's the worst I've ever felt in my life.

The thing is, I'm paranoid of HIV. I feel like I've completely messed up my life for this one silly moment. It's so stupid! I've cried 3 times in a row today, tried to harm myself for being so stupid.

I can't get checked until late december or early january. Until then, I'm stuck feeling this way. I try to distract myself with many things, like my family are here for vacation and I have fun with them but when the time comes and I'm alone, the fear and depression creeps up again. I don't know how to feel happy again.

 

[anobody1]

I really wish someone would say something.

 

[Remus]

I very much doubt you have caught anything, worse case scenario is herpes from kissing (rare), HIV is not very east to catch from a carrier with unprotective sex, might take quite a few times.

 

[Odo]

My sister works in a medical lab and diagnoses people with HIV all the time.

Most of these people are businessmen returning from Thailand or Cambodia, where HIV is endemic, drugs are widely available and sex is everywhere.

The HIV rate in your country is probably a lot lower than you think, and chances are you weren't even exposed.

But if he did have HIV, then if he was on his meds, he probably wouldn't be able to give it to you. A lot of people with HIV who take meds have such a small amount of the virus in their blood that they can't transmit it to anyone.

If he had HIV and didn't know it/wasn't on his meds, then look at this article:

Putting a Number on It: The Risk From an Exposure to HIV - TheBodyPRO.com

A single unprotected exposure through the riskiest form of intercourse still has just a 1.4% chance of infecting you. If he was recently infected (within the last month or so), the odds are much higher (around 20%), but still in your favor.

If there was no 'real' sex, then the chances of you having caught HIV are extremely low. I don't know exactly what happened, but unless you were drinking blood or something, you're probably okay.

The people who get HIV are those who are exposed to a LOT of the virus, either by sharing needles with blood (that has higher concentrations of the virus than other fluids), or through multiple sexual encounters with an infected person or different infected people. Even if you have a little in your blood, there needs to be a certain amount before the infection can 'take'.

Even still, there are men who marry women who don't know they have HIV, have HIV+ children with them, and still come up negative.

There are other diseases that you can get a lot more easily and should get checked for, but the odds are very low that a single non-penetrative encounter with a guy would give you HIV.

Get checked anyways, but the odds are in your favor.

 

[anobody1]

Thanks for the responses Remus and Odo, very informative!

I can't exactly describe what happened as I am not allowed to be graphic in this forum.
But I'm just going to put it this way: despite there being no penetration nor ejaculation involved whatsoever, I fear that his pre-ejaculatory fluid might have dropped in (The rear, even though it was shut.). Lubrication was used all the while.

Is there a reason for me to be this completely paranoid?
It's been almost a week already, and I still can't get through the day without thinking about this. Distractions don't help. The problem with this is that I have things I want to do to help improve my life but the paranoia and depression is holding me back from doing those things. I'm tempted to take prescribed pills to help lift my spirits.

I'm going to get checked late december, or early january. Until then, I need to try to get my mind off this, or at least try to be strong and not to let it get a hold of my life.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

I think you will be okay. Just don't do that again. I've been in a situation where I was afraid the person had a terrible disease. I went to the bathroom and noticed all these pills there when he told me not to go in (went when he wasn't looking) anyway it turned out to be okay. it's rare for a first time occurrence would cause something that bad. it was only the pre stuff anyway. just never again and be safe!!!

 

[jc972]

I don't know for sure but i wouldn't worry if i was you. If no fluids were exchanged and you didn't actually have sex i reckon you're safe. Probably. Before i was married i had lots of unprotected sex with different women but i only caught something once and even then it was curable. I think the majority of people never catch anything. Just my opinion, could be wrong. Don't be too worked up. Just go get checked and go from there but unless there was body fluid contact on broken skin or inside an orifice i say don't worry.