2 nights ago, I hooked up with a guy. I'm a 24 year old gay virgin, desperate and impulsive. It was the dumbest thing I've ever done. But granted, we only engaged in a NON-penetrative sexual activity. He respected my boundaries, luckily.
Just for the record, I didn't do oral with him.
Ever since then, I've been distraught, my life has fallen apart. I can't get myself to feel happy again. I think it's the worst I've ever felt in my life.
The thing is, I'm paranoid of HIV. I feel like I've completely messed up my life for this one silly moment. It's so stupid! I've cried 3 times in a row today, tried to harm myself for being so stupid.
I can't get checked until late december or early january. Until then, I'm stuck feeling this way. I try to distract myself with many things, like my family are here for vacation and I have fun with them but when the time comes and I'm alone, the fear and depression creeps up again. I don't know how to feel happy again.
Just for the record, I didn't do oral with him.
Ever since then, I've been distraught, my life has fallen apart. I can't get myself to feel happy again. I think it's the worst I've ever felt in my life.
The thing is, I'm paranoid of HIV. I feel like I've completely messed up my life for this one silly moment. It's so stupid! I've cried 3 times in a row today, tried to harm myself for being so stupid.
I can't get checked until late december or early january. Until then, I'm stuck feeling this way. I try to distract myself with many things, like my family are here for vacation and I have fun with them but when the time comes and I'm alone, the fear and depression creeps up again. I don't know how to feel happy again.