TOO Uncomfortable -_-'

[LovelyAmor]

TOO Uncomfortable

(Sorry..but this is kind of long)


Ok so im a sophomore in college. Unfortunately I was placed in a Freshman dorm so that means I have a roommate. She is not mean or anything and has a nice personality. She NOTHING compared to my freshman roommate ugh lol. Even though she is nice she goes out to party A LOT. She drinks and smokes too, but she never brings any of that into the room, so that shows a lot of respect.

I don't really have anyone that I can call a friend and I don't go out much (well i dont go out at all lol). Most of the time I am in my room on the weekends. I didn't really talk to her a lot in the beginning, only when she asked me questions. I was surprised that I didn't stutter or anything lol. There was one friday when I was on my laptop and she was in the mirror getting ready to go to the club. I don't know if she was observing how uncomfortable (my body stiffens and im motionless) I was but I think she was.

She turned around and asked, "Girl do you go out?" I was mortified. I said something like "not all the time or sometimes". She said I need to go out with her and her friends some time and just have fun. She starts playing her music. Her friend called and she told her "I'm just going crazy in here". I really don't know what she meant by that but I think she meant she was tired of me.:: I'm a Sophomore and a FRESHMAN asked me if I go out. Ugh... She has brought both girls and guys (mostly her high school friends because her hometown is really close to this one) over to hang out and I haven't brought anyone over ALL semester. I don't wanna be negative, but that's kind of pathetic?

She has still been nice since then and we have little conversations just about the campus and what's going on. She is kind of humble and not as much of a bitch as I thought she was.

BUT THE POINT I AM TRYING TO MAKE HERE IS...that I am so uncomfortable in the room whenever she is in there. It's like as soon as the key go's into the door before she comes in, I completely freeze up. I can never do my work or study for my exams. I cannot afford to fail anymore classes because it will be harder for me to bring my GPA up.

I just wish I didn't get so uncomfortable when there are other people in the room. Sometimes I feel like they are invading my space, but we SHARE a room so she has one half. It's not just in the room, it's mostly anywhere. But the strange thing is that I become the most uncomfortable and stiff when im not in the room alone. The only time I can truly be myself is when im in solitude. I have a hard time approaching people and initiating things. The room should be a place where I can relax and be comfortable but it just seems like the opposite.

I only have two years left and this is still happening to me! I literally feel like I need to do all of the things (partying, having a boyfriend, loosing your virginity lol) that other college students are doing before I graduate or I will be a total and complete failure. It's too much pressure, I feel like there is this stigma where you HAVE to do these things before you graduate from college. It's just so frustrating.

(I know what I wrote didn't have ANYTHING to do with my title, too much rambling..sorry)

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

That takes a lot of courage lol i wouldn't be able to stay in a dorm at all. Maybe you should suggest something else to do other than going to a party and if you want to go eventually there's that option too....

 

[LovelyAmor]

That takes a lot of courage lol i wouldn't be able to stay in a dorm at all. Maybe you should suggest something else to do other than going to a party and if you want to go eventually there's that option too....

Yes I wanted to get the "campus" experience lol. You mean suggest something to my roommate? Most of the time she is really busy hanging out with her own friends and she is hardly ever in the room. I wouldn't really know what to suggest.

As for the partying..I just don't think I can do that yet. I don't even know how to talk to people properly yet..much less dancing in a crowd full of them. I've been losing weight to help boost my self-esteem and self confidence but I feel like you need to work on the inside first?

And thanks for responding!

 

[Blaze]

Like LazyHermitCrab said, I wouldn't be able to stay in a dorm either. I don't like being around people all that much, sharing a room with a random person would drive me mad. So +1 to you on that. Your one step ahead of me.

 

[LovelyAmor]

Like LazyHermitCrab said, I wouldn't be able to stay in a dorm either. I don't like being around people all that much, sharing a room with a random person would drive me mad. So +1 to you on that. Your one step ahead of me.

Haha thanks! But im always so uncomfortable in the room. Whenever I try to do my work I always think she, or someone else in there is looking at me. I stop reading or typing and I just watch my tv or surf the net. It's really frustrating because it's affecting my grades. Also the fact that I haven't brought anybody over and because of that she may think i'm a loser. ::

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

Well, I don't really think it's a big deal that a FRESHMAN asked you to hang out. You're what, a year apart? it's really not that much difference. It's nothing against you, nothing wrong with you at all.. it's just someone asking someone else to hang out. She's just trying to be friendly. The fact that she is younger, isn't really a big deal. I am repeating myself... but it's all true.

One thing, do not worry about losing your virginity in college. Oh my, keep that as long as you want. Don't feel pressured at all that you have to lose it by a certain time. Losing your virginity is not a right of passage in college. It's when you're ready and comfortable, no matter what age that ends up being.

Sorry to hear that are so uncomfortable all the time. You have been able to stick with it and make it through, so that says something. Just keep reminding yourself of how strong you are, maybe try some relaxation techniques to get you more comfortable there. Maybe try going out with her and her friends, it will be uncomfortable at first, but it might help you be more comfortable in your dorm room.

 

[LovelyAmor]

Well, I don't really think it's a big deal that a FRESHMAN asked you to hang out. You're what, a year apart? it's really not that much difference. It's nothing against you, nothing wrong with you at all.. it's just someone asking someone else to hang out. She's just trying to be friendly. The fact that she is younger, isn't really a big deal. I am repeating myself... but it's all true.

One thing, do not worry about losing your virginity in college. Oh my, keep that as long as you want. Don't feel pressured at all that you have to lose it by a certain time. Losing your virginity is not a right of passage in college. It's when you're ready and comfortable, no matter what age that ends up being.

Sorry to hear that are so uncomfortable all the time. You have been able to stick with it and make it through, so that says something. Just keep reminding yourself of how strong you are, maybe try some relaxation techniques to get you more comfortable there. Maybe try going out with her and her friends, it will be uncomfortable at first, but it might help you be more comfortable in your dorm room.

Yea I understand. Sometimes I think I over react a bit::. I feel that a lot of people think you should have done that by now, but I know it is something sacred and I shouldn't do it until im ready.

I am doing this CBT I downloaded online and it seems to be working well. Thank you . I am starting to realize how strong I am because I have been through a lot in my life and it says a lot that I am even in college.

Should I ask? Because she never asked, she just suggested it. It seems like she just thinks that I am a loner and that I really don't want to be bothered. I kind of don't want to ask because I don't want to look desperate or needy you know.

 

[3lefts]

You don't have to do any of those things if you don't want to, and if you want to then don't you want them to be enjoyable? Things aren't easily enjoyed when forced.
I suggest finding somewhere quiet outside of the room, like a study hall or library. Just to help with your grades. Find somewhere secluded you can study
When you tense up just focus on relaxing your body, the more you can relax your body the easier it is to be comfortable.. hrm.
I agree with the rest, what you're doing takes a lot of courage, so try to be a little proud of that accomplishment as well... if it helps

 

[LovelyAmor]

Ok, thank you everyone for your advice. I'm working on relaxing my body and finding another place to study. I also do feel like I have made a good accomplish by attending college and that is something that I should be proud.

 

[DespairSoul]

Re: TOO Uncomfortable

(Sorry..but this is kind of long)


BUT THE POINT I AM TRYING TO MAKE HERE IS...that I am so uncomfortable in the room whenever she is in there. It's like as soon as the key go's into the door before she comes in, I completely freeze up. I can never do my work or study for my exams. I cannot afford to fail anymore classes because it will be harder for me to bring my GPA up.

I just wish I didn't get so uncomfortable when there are other people in the room. Sometimes I feel like they are invading my space, but we SHARE a room so she has one half. It's not just in the room, it's mostly anywhere. But the strange thing is that I become the most uncomfortable and stiff when im not in the room alone. The only time I can truly be myself is when im in solitude. I have a hard time approaching people and initiating things. The room should be a place where I can relax and be comfortable but it just seems like the opposite.

I only have two years left and this is still happening to me! I literally feel like I need to do all of the things (partying, having a boyfriend, loosing your virginity lol) that other college students are doing before I graduate or I will be a total and complete failure. It's too much pressure, I feel like there is this stigma where you HAVE to do these things before you graduate from college. It's just so frustrating.

(I know what I wrote didn't have ANYTHING to do with my title, too much rambling..sorry)

Hello

I completely understand your feelling if is going about to go out with them or
feel uncomfortable if u must share with her room. I very appreciate that u still can be on college this i will never able to do it i even didnt make it my school coz of SP. :: U should be really proud of your self! I alone cant live with no one strange even not frends just only with very close family. And i have the same problem to go out i have bf and he have a lot of frends but i feel they dont like me and im almost sure with that and just i dont want to go drinking with them just i dont want to go hang with them is for me like nightmare. Im person im not some piece of nothing i have heart and its hurt if they look not enjoying my company, coz of my phobia. Also is ruinning my relationship coz he like them and i cant go with him. Coz i feel very uncomfortable and nervous. I hope u will find some place well where u can study more piecefuly. I cant go no where restaurant,shop,library is destroying me. Im affraid so much that my bf will leave me coz will not take it anymore my panic attacks. Now im supposed go with his family for some food to restaurant for celebrating christmas and birthsdays his father and i feel so bad about it is like someone press me from back and i defend my self i feel like in cage. Good luck to you and i hope will be going better with your roommate and maybe u will have courage go sometimes with them if u u are on college only this is big super step!