To have desire for love, or not to desire love?

[JamesSmith]

Another thing I wanted to ask was can anyone define love for me? Like a thorough definition, because I've seen this question asked and no one could give a definitive answer. An answer like wanting to be with someone for the rest of your life, okay, well don't you want to be with your best friend for the rest of your life? I mean the only difference between your love partner and your friend is that you have sex with the partner. Is that all love is, a best friend that you have sex with? When I asked this one time, people told me I know what love is. I seriously don't know what love is. I'm confused and skeptical. I insist that I'm still neutral on this issue, I'm not saying I believe in love, but I'm not saying I don't believe in love either, to make that clear. On to social status.

I believe many folks out there get married for sex and social status, or even just social status. Around the world, marriage is almost always regarded as this fantastic partnership of a male and female that have found "the one" that they want to live with and love for the rest of their life. There is usually a very positive status that comes with this, a respect that you receive from family and friends and people that know you. Throughout your marriage or time your with your lover (b/f or g/f), you will hear mostly positive things from family and friends. Maybe a "congratulations, we're so proud of you," or "Omg i can't believe you're with Tom, he's so hot, and has that great personality, you are so lucky." Or maybe your spouse is successful financially, so you get to hear about how you picked the right one. It feels dang good to hear all of this praise around you, and even when you aren't hearing praise, you know that many of these people are happy for you and some may be jealous of you. I believe people care about social status like this, and is a huge reason why people get married. And let's not forget the fact that society expects you to get married. Like I said before, 96% of people get married in the USA. People know this number is high, and many people don't want to be the weird one that never found anyone. Once again, fear of being alone is a powerful force.

 

[HH]

love is a difficult thing to put in words. You can't really step outside your door and say "okay, today I'm going to fall in love"...it dosen't happen like that. Some people fall in love with someone they've know for years, others fall in love with someone at first sight, that's the magic of it, its so unpredictable.
Enjoy it for what it is

 

[Kiwong]

I follow the philosophy you propose in your original post. I want to get busy living life and doing the things I love.

For me the battle I face is fitting into the world of people with my anxiety. To be able to confidently interact with people without fear. This is hard enough in itself. Thoughts of romantic love rarely enter my mind. Sometimes I think it might be good to share the things I love with someone else, but on further reflection, I don't think this is necessary.

I can't define love, but I often say

I love my pet cockatiel, I love running, I love wildflowers, I love nature, I love photography. So there is lots of love in my life

 

[goldenholds]

To JamesSmith:

You are saying that because one fears being alone, then the reason we are with someone is because of that fear. That may not be true. One can enjoy the company of others or love others purely on its own merits, regardless of what they would feel if they were alone.

You say you enjoyed the company of your friend, and then it sucked when he wasn't around. Did you enjoy it only because it didn't suck, or did it suck only because you missed the enjoyment? Neither, you felt as you did in each case because that was simply how you felt in each case.

You enjoy friendship because there are chemicals running around in your brain that makes you feel better when your with someone (unless your SA is getting you, then it’s the opposite). The difference between friendship and romantic love is with love there can be a whole bunch more better chemicals running around in your brain that are not only enjoyable, but very intoxicating at times. And though we may not like it sometimes, the romantic/sex chemicals trump the friendship chemicals most of the time. And the reason it does that is so we will have children and stick around long enough to raise them so they will have the best chance of having children themselves.

It may all seem like we are running around blind sometimes, but love is not blind in the least, it just has very very good tunnel vision with one thing in mind, continuance of the species. May seem crude, but if not for it, we would not be here. And not existing is a much bigger problem than sitting by yourself at lunch. Though when I sat by myself I wished I didn’t exist, but I don’t think I really thought it through.

I myself have never had sex, and don't wish to have children, but I know somehow by instinct that if our future were threatened or our population was declining rapidly, I'd be humpin and poppin out the babies like there was no tomorrow, no pun intended. :: Currently I can't manage a date. Maybe my brain thinks that 6 billion of us running around is quite enough for now.

Another long one, sorry. Anyhow, that’s how I see it.