Tips for a lonely lady

[mismeek]

I'm a 21 year old girl who feels like an old spinster. I really would like to date, but I'm assuming thats impossible when you have anxiety. men are just one of my many triggers. *sigh* I was just wondering if anyone had any tips on overcoming anxiety when dating...or should I just give up and start collecting cats now?

 

[Satine]

Well, for a start, dating is more difficult when you have anxiety, but not impossible. What exactly is it about them that worries you?

 

[mismeek]

I'm afraid of being alone with people ( mainly men) because I feel its harder for me to escape if I need to. I get queasy when I get nervous so I'm afraid I'll throw up in the middle of the date or something. If I do make it to the date I usually have a panic attack and end up in the bathroom crying.. which embarrasses both of us.

I would go out on a group date or something.. but you kinda need friends for that, lol

 

[TheNewZero]

I'm twenty and I have a hard time dating too. And by hard time I mean I haven't been on a "date" since I was fifteen. I don't like being one-on-one with someone I don't know very well either- especially a guy. You could try online dating. At least then you get to know the person before going on a date. It always makes me feel more comfortable talking to someone via email for a while. Makes that first date much less scary.

 

[suzycello]

hello! Im so sorry you are feeling this way. I used to suffer from crippling social phobia and now i dont so i felt it only right to come on and help people. Not to be holier than thou or to rub it in but to say you WILL get over this. Im now 23 and yes this too was my problem. I feel anyway that the right guy will come along for you....hopefully me too heee but yess, i have found a major thing in curing me has been to be honest about how you are feeling because it is the first step to accepting how you are and im sure you have heard alot of the classic.. well you just have to accept it and not let things bother you. This is a pretty wishy washy statement isnt it but as soon as you are honest you tend to feel a little bit of relief so that even if you are having a panic they will know this help you sit it out and you will feel ten times better becasue you know you are over the worst of it.

people are not hateful they arent going to make fun of you, start laughing or stare at you for hours which is what i genuinly thought they would do. If a date comes up...go for it.....the key is being brave and honest. If you do this you will get over it

I had cognitive behavioural therapy- get a refferal from your doctor and that was so helpful.

best of luck and love to you

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[mismeek]

so should I tell the person i have anxiety?

 

[suzycello]

yes, well this is what i did. started by telling my friends saying 'listen this is what i have...i may have a panic and start going sweaty and red, but can you just accept it?' and everytime they said yeh course. Then by it actually happening and realising noone laughed or was mean or that i wouldnt collapse it stopped the fear of it happening thus it didnt happen any more.

Its sounds terribly unsympathetic but if you really want to get over a problem you will find and search out ways to do this and it will happen

a main brilliant one i did in CBT was to make a list of all the things i found difficult and do them repeatedly. start with a really easy one and repeat it a number of times and the fear will go away. keep at it as this fear we have is learned, so we can learn ourselves outof it. Hope that helps

xx

 

[Satine]

It might also help to try to engineer your situation so you have a group of friends that includes males, so that you can be around them in a platonic way and with other people about.

 

[mismeek]

Thats a some really good ideas! thanks

 

[littl3misstrange]

ever since i first heard about 'crazy cat ladies' i thought i'd end up like that. i still sort of do, but i'm trying to be optimistic.

i'm 19, & never been on a date, so i know where you're coming from.

 

[TheNewZero]

ever since i first heard about 'crazy cat ladies' i thought i'd end up like that. i still sort of do, but i'm trying to be optimistic.

i'm 19, & never been on a date, so i know where you're coming from.

Lol yeah me too. I'm twenty, have never been on a date, and have four cats. Things are not looking good for me, but at least I'll always have my cats

 

[mismeek]

i dont even like cats!..... @.@ maybe i'll collect hamsters....

 

[Joolin]

I know this probably sounds like a hard thing to do, but perhaps you should let the guy know where you're at before you even go out on a date - that you are nervous and shy. If he is turned off by that, he's not right for you anyway, and if he isn't, knowing that he sees you for what you are will make you feel less nervous because you won't feel the need to put up a facade. If you make it through the date, chances are you will end up with an amazing relationship.

 

[Beyondshy]

Sorry I don't have anything useful to say, I just wanted to say thank you for making me laugh! My friend has reserved me the position of crazy cat lady when the women near her dies, she thinks I'll be perfect for the job. Isn't that just great of her to say?! At the moment I am collecting hamsters as practice!
(sorry for this rambling junk, it's 7.30am and I've had very little sleep so I'm in a weird mood and not making sense!)

 

[gio289]

Well missmeek, I have no choice but to tell u that u shud start the date with me. lol. Nah but seriously, maybe u cud carry somthing on the date that cud be like a stress reliever, like gum, a small little stress ball, anything. GO to the bathroom, breathe, then come back and resume. I get anxious around girls all the time, and thats how i try to deal with it. Gum works 4 me tho lol...

 

[TheLoneWolf]

i just hope when i go on dates with girls that she feels similar to me and that the awkwardness cancels itself out.

 

[TheLoneWolf]

mismeek..is that your pic in the avatar?

 

[Thelema]

so should I tell the person i have anxiety?

Yes, you should from the get go or at least pretty soon after dating them. They're going to find out something is up and just coming out and explaining it right away will take the power out of the anxiety to control you

 

[me4me]

well im going to be the crazy old bum who sleeps on a patch of lawn outside the mall.
i wish there was a crazy cat man...ill be the crazy dog man now that i think about...