sahxox
Well-known member
Ok so I guess the following is what I'd usually write in my diary...
I'm scared of the people who I think are the best ones at work and I'd like to get to know the best.
I don't want to stuff things up with them, which causes anxiety when they're near. I freeze - muscle tension and all. Even just thinking about this my back starts to ache.
If they happen to strike up a convo with me, I can usually bluff my way through, sometimes even with ease. However other times I am utterly terrified of even the chance of encountering them, and will slip into avoidant behaviour. I'm too petrified to wave to them, and look away which certainly does not help my case.
It's ridiculous. They're the ones who when I'm freaking out inside will be very perceptive and patient in helping me, and always greet me without fail. Part of what's driving this fear I feel is paranoia they will think I'm weird in my anxious state.
This is describing the absolute rock-bottom of my anxiety. I have had a few beautiful days where this is not a problem, I just need to make sure I don't get stuck in this fearful avoidant rut as I have previously been before for three consecutive years. I tend to become fixated on these failures, and knowing I've been there can act as a drain for the hope I'm building up to break out. I guess I just needed to write my fears somewhere so I know where I stand.
Getting back to these 'beautiful days' - I took deep breathes, felt waves of positivity and told myself I am good at what I do. Because frankly I am - by default I feel I'm terrible for no reason. But at least now I can identify that I'm really not that different or a loser, I'm excellent.
What I did was I remembered this one little fact; No-one else cares about me. They're too busy focused on their own insecurities. My only debilitating insecurity is my fear of fear itself; if this is gone, I have an excellent day being my happy self. If I believe in this, I achieve amazing results. I am actually confident happy around peers, something I've never been able to do before. I guess it's just harbouring the energy to be
, and when I do this, I have no more problems. Complex self-esteem issues, so simply but difficultly fixed.
I'm my own obstacle. I'm tired, I need a good sleep pattern so this doesn't fight me as well. Right now my muscles are tight as and I hope that dumping these thoughts will aid in sleeping. Thanks to anyone who bothered to read.
I'm scared of the people who I think are the best ones at work and I'd like to get to know the best.
I don't want to stuff things up with them, which causes anxiety when they're near. I freeze - muscle tension and all. Even just thinking about this my back starts to ache.
If they happen to strike up a convo with me, I can usually bluff my way through, sometimes even with ease. However other times I am utterly terrified of even the chance of encountering them, and will slip into avoidant behaviour. I'm too petrified to wave to them, and look away which certainly does not help my case.
It's ridiculous. They're the ones who when I'm freaking out inside will be very perceptive and patient in helping me, and always greet me without fail. Part of what's driving this fear I feel is paranoia they will think I'm weird in my anxious state.
This is describing the absolute rock-bottom of my anxiety. I have had a few beautiful days where this is not a problem, I just need to make sure I don't get stuck in this fearful avoidant rut as I have previously been before for three consecutive years. I tend to become fixated on these failures, and knowing I've been there can act as a drain for the hope I'm building up to break out. I guess I just needed to write my fears somewhere so I know where I stand.
Getting back to these 'beautiful days' - I took deep breathes, felt waves of positivity and told myself I am good at what I do. Because frankly I am - by default I feel I'm terrible for no reason. But at least now I can identify that I'm really not that different or a loser, I'm excellent.
What I did was I remembered this one little fact; No-one else cares about me. They're too busy focused on their own insecurities. My only debilitating insecurity is my fear of fear itself; if this is gone, I have an excellent day being my happy self. If I believe in this, I achieve amazing results. I am actually confident happy around peers, something I've never been able to do before. I guess it's just harbouring the energy to be
, and when I do this, I have no more problems. Complex self-esteem issues, so simply but difficultly fixed.I'm my own obstacle. I'm tired, I need a good sleep pattern so this doesn't fight me as well. Right now my muscles are tight as and I hope that dumping these thoughts will aid in sleeping. Thanks to anyone who bothered to read.
