this is what i really want

[Falkor]

hello, so these are a few of the points I would like to deal with.
You could share them too.

Here are mine:

So I'm afraid I'm not Assertive, maybe a little %, but still, I feel like a weak person. I hate to feel this way. I'm always careful with bringing my words to someone, my opinion, saying ''nO'' I always use to say ''Sorry'' after saying No.
I don't want to be this way anymore. I want to be assertive.
But I'm too sensetive. I like to be sensetive, but please. Let me free from this suffering. I HATE suffering. I don't want to let it rule my life.
I want to be different, I just started to realize this.
And I hope I can deal with this. that's what I really want.

Also, I'd like to be independend. I sure want to ask for help, but I don't want to rely on other's too much, I want to take care of myself, and just be relaxed when I'm all alone. But I need people too much, I don't like that. I like to be heard, but I want to learn to not depend on other people, just rely on myself.
Just kick myself in the butt (Not liturally.)

I want to not be hurt when people raise their voice, when they make nasty comments or when they say ''I'm ugly'' or whatever they are supposed to call me. I just want to say **** you and leave me alone , I don't care about anything what you call me. But sadly, it hurts like a sledgehammer.

I don't want to be so afraid of what people think of me.
I shouldn't even care.

I worrie too much. I shouldn't !!! But still.. it keeps on going

I focus too much on painful emotions, I wanna stop suffering, But I keep doing it. I even keep on repeating myself, because It's a stupid thing what happens to me all the time. My world tumbles down, like so many times.
I should be realistic, do I really need to suffer so much?
But then my thoughts come up, and tell me how pathetic my life is.

I need things to do again, I don't want to be isolated, I want to make fun out of life, I want to have atleast a study, So I can focus on that.
I would feel so happy when I can accomplish great marks.
Or when I would experience positive experiences with social interactions.
Or music, Music makes me happy. But now, I'm stuck!!

I talk myself down way too much, sometimes I really think I'm the most weirdow in the world, I don't love myself, Self acceptance would be 80 % of my self recovery.

More soon..

 

[mozart87]

what I really want...hmm I want to start taking dance classes, I want to start going to gym, but you see, for these I need money. I need a job. It's hard to find one. I'll keep trying.
I want to manage my time better. I lost months, maybe years, doing almost nothing. Just me and my thoughts.
I have to start planning my time on paper.
I feel that there is a mentality that influenced me....something like, it's mechanical to live after a plan. But, from my experience if I don't plan, then it's a mess.

 

[Phoenixx]

That's pretty much exactly what I want too, flowergirlie. I just want to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and just live for myself, make myself happy. But, that's nearly impossible for me right now. I'm just a constant worrier, sensitive to other people's judgment.

 

[Anti Matter]

Look at yourself in the mirror and see that, what you are, who you are all boils down to what society has demanded out of you, not what you have demanded out of yourself. Most people that are insecure little insignificant insects that pretend that they move with the wheel of human interaction. IE going out and getting drunk, talking non-sensicle crap about reality TV shows or laughing because they "have" to are very, VERY unhappy with the what real life is like. So they live a lie and play stupid games with one another, if they spot someone that hasn't "become" part of this game they automatically assume that person is "weird" or "different". And you know what, they are right.

You are not a sheep or bird flying with the flock. You are you. That is something you should be proud of, you're not part of this charade.

What I'm getting at is that you should be proud of what you are and screw everyone else, people must have put you down in the past either because they aren't happy with their own existence, love yourself, accept who and what you are. Don't battle yourself, let it come out.

Good Luck.